Traumatic

Traumatized - 7

!TW - Panic Attack, Anxiety, Bad Thoughts, Crying!

Nick's POV:
It is now 7 in the evening. Charlie is in my arms with his head on my chest. He has slept for an hour, but not very deeply - he shakes and moves, wakes up a lot. But he doesn't want to tell or say anything to me.

Suddenly Charlie starts shaking and twisting, again - but this time much more aggressively. I put my hand on his forehead and whisper his name gently in his ear to try to wake him up. It only takes a few seconds before he opens his eyes and looks up at me, then around in the room. Quickly he sits up and moves away from me. I look at him thoughtfully.
"Not touch. Don't.. touch. touch" he mutters over and over as tears form in his eyes.
His breathing begins to become heavy and rapid, and his entire body begins to shake. I suspect Charlie just had a nightmare about ben. I see the terror in his eyes as he sits and just stares out into nothing. It looks like he's still in the dream, reliving everything that happened.
"Charlie, can you hear me?" I ask calmly and Charlie nods slowly, but doesn't move his eyes.
"Can you try to follow my breathing?" I ask softly and he, again, gives a weak nod. I take a deep breath, in and out, watching as Charlie tries to follow my rhythm. Gradually, I see his body begin to relax more, the tremors subside. Charlie slowly turns his head and looks into my eyes. His glossy eyes say "thank you", and I understand if he doesn't want to talk right now.
"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to, but you're safe here Charlie. It's just you and me here, in your room, and tori is downstairs in the kitchen" I say to bring him back to reality a little better, without scaring him. He nods and looks at me with the same grateful eyes again.

Then Charlie lays down again, but this time without embracing me. I understand though, and I'm not going to force him to do anything he doesn't want to do. He lies next to me, looks up at me and doesn't let go of me with his gaze. I sit next to him with my back against the wall and look at him back - my beautiful boyfriend. We sit like that for a few minutes before we hear a knock on Charlie's bedroom door. Charlie's first spontaneous reaction is fear, but when he sees Tori come through the door, he calms down again. Tori is leaning in against the doorway with her arms crossed, looking at me, then down at Charlie, then back at me again.
"There's dinner for you two downstairs if you want, but don't feel like you have to" she says and leaves as quickly as she came. She closes the door behind her and I turn directly to Charlie.
"Do you want some dinner?" I ask calmly not to upset him. Without meeting my gaze, he quickly shakes his head before turning over in bed, so he's lying with his back to me. I hesitate for a moment, before jumping out of bed and walking to Charlie's side, squatting in front of him.
"It's all right char, I understand. I'm going to go downstairs and eat something. If there is anything, just come down, write or call me, okay?" I say looking into his eyes. He nods in response and I can see irritation begin to build on his face. I therefore choose to leave him alone, go downstairs to eat instead.

Charlie's POV:
Here I am, lying in my bed, alone and feeling lost. Everywhere I look I see him, I feel him all over me all the time. It's like I can't shake off his presence, thought he's not even here. How will I be able to live a normal life after what has happened? I'm so scared to just leave my own room. What am I supposed do now?

I feel tears starting to roll down my cheeks due to fear, frustration and sadness. At the same time I have no feelings left, I feel everything at once. All the thoughts and feelings become stronger and stronger until I don't know what to do. Am I going crazy?

Nick's POV:
"How is he doing?" Tori asks thoughtfully as I sit down at the kitchen table opposite her. On my plate in front of me are chicken, potatoes and vegetables that Tori has cooked.
"I... I don't know" I answer softly in an honest voice. The thought of how Charlie is doing breaks my heart - the thought of that there is nothing I can do, kills me even more.
"If he only could tell us wha-" tori starts before she interrupts herself and looks at me. My expression must be telling her something, as she is now sitting looking at me, silent, with a thoughtful look.
"He told you, didn't he.." Tori asks a moment later with a resigned and sad tone. I understand if she wanted Charlie to tell her first, she is his sister after all. But at the same time I have to be honest with her - we both have to be there for Charlie together right now.
"Yes...." I answer doubtfully and check her disappointed face. She takes a deep sigh and opens her mouth to say something, but doesn't have time as we hear a sound coming from the stairs. Both me and tori turn our eyes from each other towards the stairs and see Charlie standing there, crying.