The Winner

Lose Control

*Nate*

I lay naked under the covers combing my fingers through her hair while she sleeps on my chest. Our clothes are mixed together and thrown in a pile on the hotel floor.

How did we get here?

How, in less than two months, did we become so emotionally tangled? We fight. We swear at each other. We make up. We have sex. Then do it all over again.

How, in less than two months, does one person make me lose all self control the way Julia does?

Everything she does to me makes me obsessively want more of her. Everything feels so different with her than any other woman I've been with. The way she looked at me when she unbuttoned my pants this morning. The way she took me in her mouth, edging me to the point I almost lost control. The way she felt when she was on top of me, her fingers intertwined with mine as she held my hands above my head pushing them against the mattress. The way her body moved as we both reached our highs then collapsing on me in pure exhaustion. The way just thinking about her makes me want to wake her up and do it all again.

But I know she didn't sleep at all last night so I'm content laying here while she gets some rest. She is safe with me in this room, and with Paul guarding the door. While she sleeps, I start wracking my brain on all the positive and negative outcomes that could be our future.

I want nothing more to make this work out between us. I also don't ever want to put Julia in danger. People in L.A. are a different breed. Mix a little fame and money and you have a deadly combination. Greed and recognition can make people do some deranged things. I certainly wouldn't put it past Susan Hardy to be behind all of this.

Hardy has been running dry lately. Her name hasn't been in the limelight for a good minute. She thrives off of success, regardless of how it may affect others. She gets off on having a good article. If she doesn't have one, she will make one. Even if it means using scare tactics on Julia to create a story. She may be an exceptional journalist but she is anything but a reliable source in the entertainment industry . We all know this. If only the public would stop buying into her shit.

Susan makes my life harder than it needs to be. She and her "team" were the ones that tore me and Macy apart. We tried so hard to live a private life together. It was a struggle right from the start. Susan pulling crap out of her ass to create drama. I'm aware I can never provide a private life for anyone who decides to be in a relationship with me. The spotlight has been on me since I was 16. That's why after Macy, I gave up on trying to have a real relationship with anyone. Everything I did was for fun. Never serious.

Now the one person I want to be with- is the one person I'm not supposed to be with.

*****

*Julia*

It's been three days now with no leads on who broke into my hotel room, and then slashed all my tires. Three days this ogre Paul has been following me around. I still don't say two words to him, but he seems friendly to everyone. I'm just not giving him the time of day yet.

Every night Nate as somehow found a way to get up to my room. I don't know how and I don't question, eager to let him in each time. I think Paul has something to with that. He obviously knows what's going on behind closed doors. He says nothing and Nate doesn't seem worried about Paul knowing about us. So if Nate's not worried, I'm not worried. He has more to lose than I do.

As for James- I feel terrible because I really enjoy his company, and I miss him. A lot. I think about those times we met at Griffith Park and how nice it was. How happy it made me. I forgot about my own problems and pretended to be a normal person. But once again I'm back to trying to avoid James at all costs. Which is pretty easy to do when you have a shadow the size of Paul behind you. I haven't talked to him since the morning he told me about his "side job." I miss our conversations. But I also miss the way he made me feel. Like everything was going to be ok. Like every day was a sunny day. We didn't have to hide anything.