Dear professor

Chapter 3

"Kiss me Josephine"

"Mr. Fisher.." I'm stunned by his words.
"I can't. That would be wrong" I follow myself up. Don't get me wrong I wanted to kiss him.. God I've been wanting to for days. I just Don't want to get him into trouble. It's just too soon.
"Josephine.." he says reaching out for my hand
He looks at me up and down before pausing and just looking out into the city view.
He clears his throat and my eyes don't leave him.
"You're right. I should take you home" He says his voice almost cracking at every word.
God what did I just do?. 
I watch him as he gets up putting his helmet back on. Not even looking back at me once.

I couldn't tell if he was mad. Or if he was just hurt. I just can't kiss him. Not yet.. I know he's only a couple years older than me but he's My English Teacher. And I know myself I talk too much, What if I slip up and flat out just say "I kissed my English teacher" To just anyone and of course nobody's gonna keep that a secret. That's like trying to handcuff a house fly.

After a while Mr. Fisher drops me home and I go up to my bedroom and just lay down and sulk in my bed. God what did I just do. There's no way I can go to school tomorrow and just Act like that did not happen. Crazy thing is I've been asking for it, Literally I lye in my bed just dreaming about him kissing me. Oh my god. Please tell me this is a dream, if so let me wake up from it now! I can't deal with this anymore. Why couldn't I have just rolled over and died the second I said those stupid words "That would be wrong" I mock myself. What a fucking idiot. Not so great words from a not so great person. Fuck me.

I stay up for a few hours more. The clock reads 2:15am. And the next thing I know I'm getting out of bed. In my pink and yellow pajamas and walking my sorry but over to Mr. Fishers house.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
I can see a few lights still shinning from the inside and I pray that he's away.
Hesitantly I knock 3 times.
The first knock. No luck
Second knock. No luck
Third knock. No luck.
God this was such a stupid idea. Who would be awake at this time. Fucking idiot again. Just as dumb as I was before, I turn around and start to walk away until I see a beam of light shining on me from behind. I turn back to see Mr. Fisher standing there In the doorway.
I freeze.
Now what? He's here. He answered. Should I apologize or just act like I'm sleep walking. Why do I have such stupid ideas tonight. Lord save me.
I walk up to Mr. Fisher. And just stand there looking up at him for a moment.
My body moves closer to him. I'm drowning in his gaze and my body is no longer listening to my brain. It moves by its self.
I inch closer and closer until I can't anymore.
God his eyes were so beautiful.
I reach out for his hand. As I hold it I look him in the eyes. My other hand Meets his face. Stepping on my tip-toes he leans down.. I pull him into a warm kiss. It was a short and sweet unspoken kiss. His lips were so soft and the look he gave me when our lips parted from one another was a look of Pure sadness.
"Josephine.." Ivan says slowly still processing what just happened.
He puts his hand under my chin lifting it slightly, making eye contact he just looks at me for a moment.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you earlier Mr.fisher" i say trying to contain eye contact but my eye slowly drift away from his.
"No Josephine. You didn't have to do this, if you don't mean it..it would just hurt more" he says so calmly I can barely make out the hurt in his voice. But he takes his hand away from my chin and my head jerks down at the sudden movement. I look back up at him to see him still staring at me. I take a small step back
"I did mean it" I stutter out.
"No Josephine you don't know that. We just met Josephine, your a child You were right before we should not do this" He breaks eye contact.
With those words my heart shatter. So i'm just a child to him?.
"Leave Josephine" He says As if nothing had just happened.
My eyes start to tear up so I look at the ground below me slowly turning around.
I wanted to say something, I just couldn't. I could say anything. I felt stupid and unseen again. Nothing but a child.