How to Not Circle the Drain: Keeping it Together in the 21st Century

So Many Thoughts

 Don't Believe Everything That You Think; Get Acquainted With Your Thoughts

How many thoughts do we have in a day? Could they all possibly be based in fact? Of course not! So why do we sometimes act like our thoughts are gospel truth and allow them to dictate our moods and reactions? Because we are human, and that's what we do, until we have a method, rationale, or motivation  to do otherwise.

Our modern technological age provides a constant stream of input and stimuli, and we need never experience silence or space to literally "hear ourselves think."  How funny to think that current counter-culture activity may include techniques of observing and quieting the mind!   We truly have a prefab entertainment center, and if you think it is boring to observe your thoughts and mental process, think again.  It may feel initially boring and tedious if you are accustomed to a high level of stimulation and distraction, but over time you may become fascinated with what I call "the laboratory of the self." 

The first step is just to notice. Be an observer of your own thinking process and thought content. If people are honest, they admit that some of their thoughts are outlandish and crazy.  Consider your thoughts and refute them and dialogue with them when indicated, you have a choice to not roll over and "show them the belly."  Slow down the process, and examine your thoughts. Awareness is the first step, as in noticing that your thoughts are incessant and unrelenting. It can be  exhausting to realize that we think all the time, but we can begin to be a more active participant in the process, and a bit of a lion tamer when needed!  Thinking is truly a compulsive activity for the human, but with focus and attention we can assist in directing their flow in a way that feels better. 

Test Drive #1:  Sit or lie down in a quiet place and in a comfortable position.  Imagine that you are standing on the shore, watching waves break and recede.  Close your eyes or keep them open, with your gaze soft and relaxed.  You are going to observe your train of thoughts in a similar manner as a spectator on the shore.  Let your mind do its thing, take your hands off of your mental steering wheel.  Let your thoughts flow naturally and just notice and acknowledge thoughts as they come and go.  Watch how one leads to another, building a logical thread or train, and how sometimes they seem disjointed or unrelated.  Notice how your thoughts can take you in different directions: pleasure, contentment, pain, discomfort, neutrality, boredom.  Observe the constant activity and variety of the mind action.  Another approach may be to imagine that you are at an amusement park, and your thoughts are the rides.  You can see the rides, and acknowledge their existence, but you are choosing not to get on the rides - that's the qualitative difference. 

Observing our thoughts from a detached and non-reactive stance allows us the possibility of new perspectives.  The more that you practice slowing down and simply noticing thoughts, you develop the potential to include them in your awareness in a fresh new way.  This does not mean that you need to be the thought police, monitoring your thoughts 24/7/365; in fact that would make anyone feel crazy and overwhelmed.  Set the intention to carve time out and be a conscious thinker, and you may become a partner in cognitive creation rather than a passive spectator.  We cannot modify and redirect what we are unaware of; it can be initially quite shocking to track the movements of our unruly minds.  Our minds respond to training and daily practice is the key to having a healthy respect for the power of our thoughts and confidence in our ability to use them as a source of information and empowerment. 

 Research published in early 2014 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology indicates that the form that you use to address yourself with self-talk is important.  It was found to be more effective to address yourself with a non-first person pronoun, "you" or your own name, than addressing yourself in the first person with "I."  Small adjustments in the language used during self-talk influences ability to regulate thoughts, feelings and behavior more constructively. 

Test Drive #2:  Notice a thought, perhaps one that you have identified as repetitive - pause, and begin a dialogue around the thought - ask yourself: "Is this thought true? Is it helpful to you or someone else? Is it part of a pattern? Do you want to change it?"

And, what might you think instead that feels better?

Here's an example of the process from my own head: I used to think that something was wrong with me because I was teaching anger management and still getting angry myself, especially in the car. Is the thought true? Not really, since I am a human and have a hard -wired fight or flight response for survival. Is this a helpful thought? Hell no, it makes me feel badly. Is it part of a pattern? For sure, a pattern of criticizing myself for being human. Do I want to change it? Yes, because it's old, tired, and unproductive.

How can I flip the switch? How about practicing what I preach and applying some self compassion? Following that thread, what feels better is using self-talk that goes like this:  "You are human and will get triggered by the environment and react.   You seem to be consistently reactive when driving.  How about accepting the fact that you will react and strive for catching it quickly when it comes up, and implementing some skills? Focusing on deep slow breathing works."  That thought thread feels better.

If we don't slow down the process and have a certain vigilance about our thoughts, we can end up following a thread that leads to nowhere and worse. Our endless thinking makes us time travelers away from the here and now. Have you ever completely spaced out, for example when driving, and then caught yourself and asked "where did I go?" Well, your body did not go anywhere, but you sure took a trip in your head! We don't have to be held hostage by our own thoughts, it's a matter of first becoming aware and then gently redirecting. We are not fighting the thoughts or getting them in a choke hold. The process is one of polite invitation and patient inquiry. Become a creative partner with your thoughts.  Get started by observing and just pick one thought or thread per day to practice.