Loving you is suicide || Dazai x Reader #BSDWattys2017

❝Flashbacks❞

The sound of gunfire filled my ears. My eyes snapped open and I found myself in the middle of a battle. Port Mafia members lurked around the area, guns raised, and yet, they were hiding behind large structures. It was obvious to see that whatever plan had been created was falling apart. Everything had turned in absolute chaos.

I noticed movement in front of me. Very familiar (h/c) hair flipped just near my face. I saw the girl from earlier visions squatting behind a cement structure. Her (e/c) eyes were wide open with confusion and frustration. She held a pistol in her dominate hand while her other one rested on the cement. The girl peered around the structure, looking for something or someone. Her eyes widened. Looking over her shoulder, I saw what caught her attention.

I followed her as she teleported to another area. We appeared behind a large, metal crate. In front of me now was a young, dark haired man who was clutching his arm. Blood seeped through his fingers as he held his hand on the bullet wound. Angry, confused eyes grey eyes glared up at the girl next to me.

"Akutagawa-kun.", The girl said. "What the hell is happening?! Where's Dazai?" Akutagawa shook his head. He was just as lost.

"He aborted the mission and just disappeared.", Akutagawa said. "We are trying to retreat but our group is too overwhelmed. It's only a matter of time before the enemy kills us all." The girl shook her head.

"If the order is to abort the mission, I can take you back to headquarters. You're wounded after all." , she said, placing a gem in her bracelet.

"We're just going to abandon the others?", Akutagawa asked in disbelief. The girl frowned, but nodded.

"We have to. Now, here." She curled her arm around Akutagawa's waist. He groaned lightly, before holding on to the girl tightly. "Here one second, gone the next!" A flash of green light blinded me before everything faded to dark, dim light. We were now back at the Port Mafia headquarters. Akutagawa moaned lowly. His face seemed paler than before, and he looked like he was about to throw up. The girl next to him gave a concerned look.

"I hate doing that.", Akutagawa groaned. The girl laughed.

"You're welcome Akutagawa-kun.", she said. The girl then placed another gem in her bracelet. Akutagawa gave her a confused look.

"(y/n)-chan," he started. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to look for Dazai.", she said. "I need to make sure he's alright and I want an explanation." Akutagawa nodded. I watched the girl as she disappeared in a flash of green. She visited many places around the Port Mafia looking for Dazai, before extending her search to the entire city of Yokohama. As time went on, I could see the panic that grew on her face. Eventually, we landed on a familiar bridge. Her (e/c) eyes desperately scanned the area and lips were pulled tight with worry. Just as the girl was about to give up, we both noticed a figure in the distance.

Even though the figure's back was turned, I'd recognize that wavy brown hair and black coat everywhere. The girl seemed to feel the same way. Her eyes widened with joy and relief. Cupping her hands around her mouth she called; "Dazai! Dazai!" The figure stopped dead in his tracks. The girl broke into an immediate sprint and I chased after her. Her legs pumped faster and faster the closer she got to her destination. "Dazai!", she cried again, finally reaching the young man. (E/c) eyes were wide with confusion when the man in front of her didn't move. "Oi, Dazai! You gave us all quite a scare! I can't believe I finally found you! What are-" Dazai sighed loudly.

"You shouldn't have come looking for me, (y/n).", He said lowly. Finally, Dazai turned to the girl behind him. Irritation was a clear emotion on his face. "I want to be left alone." The girl gaped in surprise. Dazai was acting very cold. His anger was subtle, but I could easily see it.

"W-Where are you going, Dazai?", The girl asked, slowly understanding the situation. The man across from her didn't look like he wanted to answer. Sighing, Dazai shoved his hands into his pockets, lifting his gaze to the blue sky.

"I'm leaving the Port Mafia.", he said. Shock flashed over the girl's face. Her mouth set  in a hard line as she thought.

"I heard about Odasaku.", the girl said. "I'm very sorry about what happened. Is that what this is about? Is it because Mori-san used him to get an ability license?" Dazai frowned deeply, not responding. The girl furrowed her eyebrows together. Her fierce (e/c) eyes bore into Dazai's profile with a defiant determination. "I'm coming with you.", she decidedly said. Dazai shook his head.

"No. The Port Mafia is your home." The girl's face contorted in anger. Her fists clenched together while her jaw flexed. Dazai raised his eyebrows at her.

"How fucking stupid are you?", she growled lowly. "The Port Mafia means nothing to me, you should know that!" The girl's face grew red with rage. "The only home I have is you, Dazai! Without you, I truly have nothing! I am coming and that's final." Dazai leaned on the bridge railing, shaking his head in disbelief. He let out a deep, humorless chuckle.

"How many times do I have to reject you, (y/n)?", Dazai muttered. "Why can't you understand that I don't love you?" Tears pricked the corners of the girl's eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

"And how many times do I have to tell you that I don't care?!", she said. "You're all that I have, Dazai. I'd follow you to the ends of the earth if I had the choice. You are the only reason I am still here today and the one who shaped my entire future!" Dazai didn't respond. His expression was unreadable. The girl only grew angrier, tears now flowing freely. She took a gasping breath.

"I traveled the entire city of Yokohama, no because I wanted to, but because I have a shitty ability that I didn't even understand let alone control! I no longer wanted to live because I was no longer alive--just and empty shell. When I was caught by the Port Mafia I should've been killed, but you saved me! You, Dazai!" The girl's fingers clutched onto the sleeve of Dazai's coat. "After all we've been through, you can't truly believe that I'd just let you go! So please..." She whimpered. "D-Don't leave me..."  It took a moment for him to respond. At last, Dazai turned, his expression softening.

"Well," he said, "I seems I really don't have a choice." Dazai gave a gentle smile. He began walking up the bridge, leaving the confused girl behind. He glanced over his shoulder. "Are you coming?", Dazai called. "You didn't change your mind, did you? I'd be heartbroken if that were case. A man shouldn't go anywhere without a pretty lady at his side!" The girl grinned and jogged up to Dazai. The young man glanced down at her and, bringing a hand up, brushed away the stray tears on her face. "Don't cry, my belladonna. We're starting a new chapter. This time, we shall be on the good side." The girl chuckled.

"I don't care about good or evil.", she said. Dazai smiled.

"Me neither.", he admitted. A sudden, wistful look floated over his features. "However, someone told me that, while good and evil are inherently the same, being a good man shall make me feel the least bit better about myself." Dazai glanced up at the sky. "And that's what I intent to do."

1276 words, unedited.

I legit cried while writing this chapter :')