Crescendo

Chapter 15

Soundtrack for this chapter:
Only Hope—Switchfoot*
Read My Mind—The Killers
Fight Song—Rachel Platten

15

Jules

Witnessing Theo react the way he did to his nightmare was awful. My heart ached for him because it was beyond clear that for the last seven years, he'd been harboring the weight of his experience overseas. What was worse was that he'd accepted it as normal; he'd thought he was perfectly okay, which was far from the truth.

The moment I was able to make physical contact with him, I could feel the stress, the tension, the fear leaving his mind. In my head, I tried to tell myself that it didn't matter that it was me, that it could have been anyone who quieted the torment of his mind, but I knew that wasn't the case. There was a connection between us, something beyond anything I'd ever felt for another person before, and all I wanted was to make his hurt go away.

In the morning, I woke not in his arms, but with him in mine. I could see the twenty-two year old boy in him. I could see him with a shaved face, military haircut, a freshness in his eyes. Something happened to rip that boy from him, and though I could use my own reasoning and deductions to tell exactly what he'd been through, he had to be the one to tell me; I wouldn't strip him of the right to tell his story.

Theo twisted in my arms, and I released my hold on him so he could face me in his bed. He brought a hand up to my cheek and his lips to my forehead.

"Good morning." His voice was scratchy from lack of sleep.

"Morning, T."

That brought out a smile, along with a roll of his eyes.

"You know, only my friends call me that. And my brothers."

"So I can't call you T?"

"No. You're not just a friend. And you're definitely not one of my brothers."

"What am I?"

His hand still held the right side of my face, his thumb gently sweeping back and forth over my cheek, his eyes searching mine.

"Whatever you want to be."

He was giving me the choice, and after the conversation I'd had with Will earlier in the week, I knew exactly where I wanted to stand with Theo.

"I want to be your girlfriend. And I want you to be my boyfriend."

There was the ghost of a smile on his lips; he was holding back, afraid of looking too happy or eager, afraid that anything he did could ruin the moment. But that was the thing; nothing could ruin the time Theo and I spent together.

He set his lips on mine. "Then it's settled."

I slid closer to him in his bed and pressed my body against his. I wanted to feel as much of him against me as I possibly could. I wanted to hold him and be held by him and have neither of us ever let go. I was in over my head, but for the first time I was alright with it.

Without intending it, my hand had fallen to rest on the spot where his scars marked his perfect body. Without looking up from his chest, I broached what happened during the night.

"We should talk about last night."

I'd kept my voice low, soft, but that didn't stop a deep moan, primeval almost, from rumbling through his chest.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Theo, it's not—"

He pulled back enough to look into my eyes, a new frustration brewing in his. "Was that a counselor trick? What you did just there? Give me something I want so I feel the need to give something back?" The rapidity with which he shifted moods only confirmed what was already in my head.