Emily

Chapter Thirteen

As the days progressed, Nate found himself spending more and more time with Emily Carter.

Kit and Cassandra were nearly always together, with Juliette, and Allie spent all the time she could with the sister she dearly missed. Emily did spend some time with Cassie, but she sought Nate out quite often, nearly as often as he sought her out. This was a fact that made him both proud and exhilarated.

Allie had become much, much better but she'd lost quite a bit of interest in the social events that were happening. She still adored dressing up in pretty dresses and dancing, but she wasn't very interested in the men she was dancing with or with the people she was socialising with. She'd become disillusioned by it all, and Nate wasn't sure whether he should be worried or pleased.

As Emily had said last time he'd mentioned this, only time would tell.

The last week or two had been the best of his life. If he and Emily weren't working together in the study, heads bent over the same ledger and laughing at a silly joke one of them had made more often than not, they were riding or reading in the library or drinking hot chocolate at midnight. On those nights that Nate could actually stay up, he would go to the kitchen and make two cups of cocoa. Usually, Emily would join him.

Their conversations weren't incredibly productive, nor did they wax poetic about their love. It was the perfect balance and it was normal. He found that she was the one person he was entirely comfortable with, and he felt that he could tell her anything at all in the world, even his silliest thoughts, and she would not laugh at him or judge him for them.

It was a nice feeling, and something he couldn't ever remember feeling in all his years. With her, he felt as if he could confess to her his darkest secrets and she would simply smile, take his hand and tell him that it would eventually be alright and that, if it wasn't, they would have to make it alright. That was something she had actually said to him, and it had resonated with him more than anything else that he'd ever heard from anyone before.

They'd even become so comfortable around each other that they were entirely alright with casually touching one another. Sometimes, he'd take her hand or brush her hair out of her face or kiss her cheek and the world would seem perfect. She'd fallen asleep with her head on his shoulder on more than one occasion.

Never before had he been so at ease with a woman. He'd always been awkward and uncomfortable and untrusting because they had all always been after only his pocketbook and not his heart. But Emily would never do anything like that, and he'd realised a while ago that he trusted her with his most prized possession— his heart. He knew it might fall and crack, but he trusted that she would never allow it to shatter. He trusted her.

Beyond all else, he hoped that she loved him just as much as he loved her.

It was foolish, he knew, to even think that was a possibility. Emily was strong and stubborn and level-headed and wouldn't throw away everything she'd strived so hard to achieve just for him and that was exactly what he loved about her. She wouldn't be herself if she wasn't any of those things. He would never begrudge her that which gave her happiness, and he knew that her independence gave her happiness.

Nate had duties in England, duties that were incredibly important to him and that he would never abandon. If he was a simpler sort, he would throw it all to the wind and leave England with her forever so that they could travel the world. But he couldn't. Besides, that wouldn't really make him happy. She would make him happy, of course she would, but he would always miss his home and, over time, he might even grow to resent her for taking him away from it.

Even if he had to live without her, he'd gladly do it, as long as it meant he would never have to regret her.

Even so, there was a large part of him that was tempted to tell her how he felt, just so he could get it off his chest. She could reject him terribly and he wouldn't mind, as long as it was out in the open where no one would be able to deny it or take it back. He valued honesty and he expected nothing less of himself.