HOPE

Chapter 12

I'm breathing so loudly that the entire room fills with that sound. My whole body hurts from anger and pain. Not physical just emotional. I sink down to the ground trying to just catch my breath.

He won't come for me again. He won't. He can't!

I tried so hard to move on from that first time but I still haven't come to full on term with all it. My life was boring yet peaceful before he happened and I wish to go back to that time so badly.

Finally, after a few minutes of just breathing, I get up and go lock the door, just in case. It's not like he would come right now but still it's just to make me feel at least even a little bit better.

After splashing my face with some cold water, I make myself a coffee. But I'm not in the mood to drink it so I just leave it on the counter and go to work, locking the door behind me. I pocket both of my keys. It doesn't feel safe, leaving one behind.

I tried so hard to ignore all the thoughts concerning Veron but every once in a while, whenever a thought crosses my mind, I can feel all blood draining out of me. I feel cold and weak. It might be because of how I was alone with him even after what happened. I can't believe how I managed to do that without screaming my lungs out.

Customers today came at a normal pace which I was somewhat glad of. Too many customer means a lot of work. That would surely take my mind off of everything but it would be really tiring as well.

I was unnerved walking back home cause I felt like someone was looking at me. Like following me and staring at me and stuff. So I was really uncomfortable that I walked home fast. I didn't look around to see if anyone actually is following me. I didn't want to find out. In the apartment, I ran inside and locked the door. 

Leaning against it, I release a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

After having a quick shower and dinner, I turn on the TV but mute it. I hate the sound coming from TV but I like having it on for the changing of lights. Throwing away the coffee I made that afternoon, I make another one and take that to the couch.

I figured out that Veron didn't actually love me a few days ago, while I was thinking. Of course, I wasn't sure but he confirmed it today anyway. I had an idea he couldn't possibly love me. I mean, if he loved me, how can he rape me? He wouldn't do that for starters. Also, he wouldn't want to make me pregnant just to keep me with him. He wouldn't even hurt me if he actually had feelings for me. I know that some people like hurting others just for the fun of it but in Veron's case, I don't think he enjoyed it. He might have enjoyed that night. I don't know for sure. Actually, I'm not even sure if he regret it. 

He had reasons. But they were as messed up as all of this.

I used to read books when I was with my family. I was a bookworm, as my dad called me. I've read all kinds of books. So, I know what a person who is in love with someone would do to get that person to love him back.

Honestly though, my crush for him has gone. It's like it evaporated or something. I can't even remember what I used to like about him anymore. Now that I know exactly what kind of a person he is, I can't even believe that I had a crush on him.

I must have fallen asleep in the middle of all this thinking cause the next thing I know, my alarm is going on in my bedroom. Getting up from the couch, I stretch to get rid of the pain in my arms and legs. I was sleeping in a weird way that they began to cramp. Sighing, I go to my room and switch the alarm clock off and walk to the bathroom to take a shower.

Something feels off though. I brush my teeth wondering what it is when it comes to me suddenly.

I had a dreamless sleep!