The Shadow of the Moon

Chapter 6

Merlin stared into the embers as the night continued. The moon, boldly lay in the starry sky, illuminating the knights in silver slivers that reflected glintingly off the armour and cast them all in a ghostly pallour. Merlin sat, knees pulled up and thin wrists balancing on them, delicate hands hanging over his slender calves. His mind was a blank, focusing tightly on the events of the day. The ease at which he had let the wolf take control terrified him. He could feel its lupine call stronger as each moon dawned. IT worried him, the closer it got, the less control he had, and he had never turned around other people before, only in the dark emptiness of the woods, surrounded by only trees.

Worries clawed at him, sharp as his fangs. He couldn't shake gnawing concern that something could happen. That he could lose his control. Could hurt his friends. He could hurt Arthur. The thought burned like ice. He couldn't live with himself at the thought, that anything could happen to him, at Merlin's own clawed hand. Seeing him again, being around him for so long, like olden times, he had come to realise....he was in love with Arthur Pendragon. He just was. He always had been and always would be.

His eyes hardened into resolutions. He had to leave. He couldn't stay. He couldn't risk it. The risk was too great. He glanced around the camp, it wouldn't be long until everyone was at rest, and then he could go. No one would hear him leave, and he could go to the craggy moorland where the Trial was set to happen alone without hurting anyone to defeat the Beast in Arthur's name. He smiled whist fully at the thought, sadness hanging off his expression like an icile. So absorbed was he in his thoughts he didn't hear the sounds of an approach until Arthur plonked himself down next to him on the soft forest ground.

"Don't think so hard you're not used to it" He said in easy banter, and warmth that flowed from him like molten gold, but Merlin just offered him a weak smile. He resolutely tried to avoid looking at Arthur, azure eyes fixed instead on a clump of coal that smuldered in the dead fire. He tried to not see his golden hair that caught the light of the embers, his strong stubbled jaw and high cheekbones, feeling heat rise in him.

"What is it, Merlin" Arthur sighed with a gentle shove of his elbow, and Merlin glanced up only for his eyes to be caught completely by Arthur's own blue rings like warm ice that gazed at him knowingly, like as if he could see through to his magic and could pick Merlin apart. Merlin didn't blink. He barely drew a breath. He was a transfixed dear in the headlights of Arthur's radiant beauty.

"Aren't you worried? That I'll do something? You wouldn't be able to stop me." Merlin murmured, tone lowly and instant, feeling raw and unable to hide infront of Arthur's penetrating look, his voice almost cracked. His eyes sung with a sadness unspoken in words. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Don't be such a girl Merlin you couldn't kill me even if someone cursed you to." he distanced mildly. An involuntary snort came out of Merlin's nose. Arthur threw him a bequizzed look.

"No I guess not" He admitted it, ignoring Arthur's endearing confusion, as he had become so used to as a servant. There was no way he could leave, it would be a betrayal. Arthur trusted him enough that he wasn't chained or caged like a wild beast, maybe he could have the same trust in himself.

"Get some sleep, Merlin." Arthur said softly, voice comforting as a warm bed, smile the glow of summer haze. A caring warmth crept into Merlin's bones as his heart skipped. The moment sat between them, pregnant with pause. Merlin smiled genuinely in return, standing to walk over to his bedroll.

"Night Arthur," he called in a whisper as he settled down.

"Night Merlin." came the subtle reply.

In Merlin's chest his heart stuttered and fluttered. Whispering back it's own longing response: Thank you Arthur as Merlin drifted off.

----