[Shadowhunter] Imagines

Alright - Meliorn

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You are a seelie and live in the seelie realm. In the last years your mental health became worse.

Characters involved: You, Meliorn

Trigger: Panic attacks, anxiety, deep talk

Request: TwistedKWorkz

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Sleeping became really hard within the last few months.

The thought of going to bed and turning from one side to another without any rest... it guided you the whole day and you were scared once the moment arrived.

Holding up throughout the day was alright. You had distraction, you were busy.

But at night, while the others slept, your mind kept spinning spiderwebs.

A small thought about what you shall do tomorrow ebbed away. It turned into worries, grief and sorrow.

You had the feeling that it didn't have a sense. Getting up in the morning and not having a real purpose, nobody to go to, nothing to live for... Was that the way life was supposed to be?

No, and you knew that. But you couldn't escape your own mindset.

And so you laid in your bed, covered by your blanket, hoping for at least a little comfort, developing thoughts poisoning your mind.

Some minutes later you kicked the blanket off. It seemed too hot. Looking down on your body you noticed that you were shaking a bit, your skin covered by a thin layer of sweat.

Because of all the overthinking you didn't even notice. The shaking intensified and that was the moment you realized: You were having another panic attack.

Every breath you took, caused a throbbing pain in your chest and that didn't make any things easier, since you were panting by now.

Your throat was dry and you began to feel dizzy.

All the love and positivity left you. Everything seemed black and gray. Tears streamed down your cheeks and you started to sob softly.

And the worst thing about it: You know that you couldn't do anything about it and there is not a single seelie in the whole realm that cares.

Deep intertwined in your thoughts, you didn't even realize that somebody came into your room.

"Y/N? Y/N? Hey, what's wrong?" You heard a soft voice.

Opening your eyes that you didn't even remember of closing, you saw Meliorn right in front of you. He was sitting on the bed.

The blue strand of his hair was clearly visible in the decent shine of your nightlight and the leave on his face made his face look older.

You couldn't answer but you actually didn't need to. Meliorn knew. "It's a panic attack, isn't it? We're gonna push through it. I'm here."

He gathered you up into a sitting position and leaned your back against the soft headboard. Then he kneeled right in front of you onto the mattress.

"You're panting. It just makes things worse. Breathe with me. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Alright."

He showed you how to do it and the first times you really struggled. It felt like your lungs were  exploding. But Meliorn was right.

"You're doing great, Y/N. Let's do it some more. You'll be fine, I promise."

He encouraged you some more and after some minutes your breathing was under control.

The moment the panic attack ebbed away, you began to cry. "I'm sorry, Meliorn. You shouldn't have seen that."

You buried your face in your hands and cried your heart out.

He immediately grabbed onto your wrists and pulled them away from your face. "Y/N, it's okay. We've all been there. Sometimes the mind plays tricks on you and the body decides to play along. You're not alone and it's nothing to be ashamed of."

He let go of one of your wrists and carefully wiped the tears from your cheeks away. But when the tears didn't stop, he changed his strategy. 

Meliorn grabbed you by the nape of the neck and pressed the side of your face to his chest, embracing your upper body tightly.

You felt his steady breathing and heard the strong beats of his heart. You calmed down while he was stroking your bed.

"Is it okay when I stay for the night? I don't want you to be alone." He separated you from him and looked your straight in the eyes.

You nodded and he smiled. "Okay, thank you. Lay down. We should get some sleep. It's already past midnight.

You let yourself slowly fall backwards, Meliorn laid down right next to you, placing an arm under your head.

As you rolled to your side, facing him, he did the same. Your legs intertwined, and he slowly pulled you closer by placing his other arm around your waist.

There was nothing between you than the layers of your clothes. Your noses slightly touched.

"Y/N, promise me, whenever something like that happens again, call for me. I'll be there." His voice sounded so calm and it made your exhausted body even more tired. You just nodded.

"Sometimes we worry about things that we can't control and that we also can't change and it leads to this state. But at the end of the day, it's just another reminder of the fact, that we live, that we feel, that we exist. People like you and me have to face their inner demons every day. We were born with the weakness to fall. But do you know what that also means?"

You slowly shook your head no and closed your eyes, almost falling asleep by his soft touch.

"We were also born with the strength to rise."