Bare (Royal Society #2) COMPLETED

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen
Clear Tears of Despair

Everyone was lined up inside the hall when I got home from University. Tahimik at halos walang humihinga kaya dahan-dahan akong naglakad para makipila.

Then I checked my phone. Baka sakaling may mensahe sa akin pero hindi ko lang nakita kanina kaya wala akong alam. Pero wala naman.

I looked around and smiled when I saw an attendant which belongs to the same division as mine.

Kinalabit ko siya habang nakayuko dahil isa iyon sa patakaran. Do not rise your head until you're told to. She took a peek to check who did.

"What's happening?" I whispered nang magtama ang paningin namin.

She looked around before answering me. "Random inspections. It's conducted by the Queen kaya pinalabas lahat kanina," she answered.

I gasped because it's the Queen... she is very, very, very thorough in everything. And if she is the one conducting the inspection...

I impatiently waited until they gave us the signal to return to our respective rooms. I wanted to rush but I have to be careful with my actions.

Kaya naman nang nakarating ako sa kwarto, I quickly opened the specific drawer where I kept that thing. Halos maitapon ko na lahat ng laman pero hindi ko parin mahanap.

Nanghihinang napaupo ako sa sahig at pilit na pinapakalma ang sarili. "It can't be missing, it should be here somewhere..."

With that thought, I stood up and checked my cabinet and other side drawers. Pati ilalim ng kama ay tinignan ko pero wala doon.

"Did she?" I shook my head and erased that thought. It can't be. Hindi pwede.

Just when I was to take a second check on the drawer, I heard the locking of my door. I looked up and saw the Queen, glaring at me.

And I knew by then that she found out what I'm trying so hard to keep sealed.

I stood up and faced her but before I can even bow my head, a slap was felt across my face.

"You whore!" Nanginginig na sigaw ng Reyna. I dared myself to look at her and all I saw was rage.

The Queen is shaking so bad and her breathing is obviously hitched. She was trying so hard to calm herself but she like a boiling water, heat still gets out and whistling sound can still be heard.

Then she threw it. The one I was looking for, my pregnancy test. "Is that... what you were looking for, Arlaise? Is that what you were trying to find so hard? And is that... what you were hiding, huh?"

"Just what... what were you thinking when you did it with Izaac?"

She shook me as if she was trying to get answers from me. But I can't provide it her when even I can't still wrap my head around the fact that I... that I am pregnant with Izaac's child.

The irony of it is that I found out about it after he ended the things with me.

And I don't want to tell him about this anymore. He... hated my being and I don't want my child to feel unwanted by his father. Izaac can despise all he wants but not my child.

Am I being unfair to Izaac? Because it's his right to know about the baby? But how could I even speak about it when this baby would be a reminder of who I was before I changed... of the Arlaise he loved.

This baby will become Izaac's pain if he gets to know about it. And I don't want him to be in pain anymore. Sapat na yung sakit na pinaramdam ko sa kaniya habang unti-unti niyang nakikita ang pagbabago ko.

The past few days, I realized his point and I can't blame him for ending things with me. But I can't also blame myself for changing, thinking that it would be for the better.

There is no such thing as easy. I thought imitating someone else would get his attention easily. I thought being someone else would be enough to bring him back to me. I thought catching up to him would be the easiest way to prove myself to him.

I was wrong about all of it. We had it easy that's why we both got on the wrong path. How could I even thought of having an easy relationship with him knowing our differences?

Which is why, I'm facing the consequences of my action. Should I regret my decision? No. But I should carry the weight of its responsibilities.

Slowly, I knelt in front of the Queen, the one who gave birth to Izaac, to the Mother of the father of my child. "Y-your Majesty..."

"Goodness! Is this... is this his way of rebellion against me? Because I let Elise be partnered to Zachary when he was the first choice?"

I didn't know that.

Hindi ko alam na pinalitan siya ni Zachary bilang asawa ni Elizabeth. All along I thought they were the first choice of each other.

Just... how much do I know about Izaac?

"How stupid of me to let this happen. I let him stick to you because I thought he was just playing, reminiscing Elise through you because you remind him of her," Queen said and once again, I stilled.

I remind Izaac of Elizabeth? Is that why he has that emotion in his eyes that I cannot name? Is that why he has that soft spot for the Princess? Is that why he sometimes unconsciously mold me as Elizabeth?

Because he wanted me to be Elizabeth, his first princess and choice. While I... am the second, the replacement of her lost Princess.

Tears unknowingly fell from my eyes for the betrayal, regret, and pain.

Betrayal because I was just used as a replacement without any knowledge. I was used yet I didn't know it.

Regret because I nearly lost my family for him and I totally lost my identity for him. Even though I said, I don't regret changing, I know... a part of me died because I lost my moral, principles in life.

And pain because I loved him wholly, with all of me. Only to be shattered like this in just a snap, everything crumbled down and burned into ashes.

"You're carrying my grandchild, no matter how much I deny it," Queen after while. "Leave."

I looked up to her in shock. I thought she accepted my child?

"I don't want my grandchild dead, Arlaise. The longer you stay here, the more you endanger your life. Do you understand?"

I nodded and slowly stood up. She helped me and when I was able to stand on my feet, she moved away her hand. And she caressed my hair.

"In time, you'll understand why I have to do this. And I hope Izaac will do as well."

She sighed and handed me her Royal Pass. This... it can only be used when emergency occurs but she is giving it to me.

"Use it when you are on your labor so you won't be neglected by anyone," I smiled and nodded.

"And Arlaise, it's okay to look back but past is not a good place to stay," she said and left my room.

As I finished packing my things, I looked around and realized...

I'm abandoning my family once again.