TW: ed , throwing up
On the note of ed's please don't comment things about how he just needs to 'work out' or eat healthily or any shit you don't have the knowledge to talk about because these can be extremely harmful.
If you haven't had to deal with an ed just shut the fuck up and don't try pretend you know how to fix it. I've had someone comment that when your unhappy with your weight 'just do some sit ups.' I deleted this but I won't lie it actually did trigger me into a minor relapse and I didn't really eat that day,, so please,, just shut the fuck up.
In this Will has body dysmorphia and the way he views weight is WRONG and UNHEALTHY, remember that
Wilbur's time with Phil wasn't exactly going well.
Poor Phil knew that half the time when Wilbur was out he was getting drunk, but there was nothing he could do.
No matter what rules he put up, no matter how hard he tried to discourage Wilbur the brunette would still find a way to get out.
Phil also kept trying to coax Wilbur into eating, cooking all sorts of meals, rewarding him if he ate and threatening to take away his device if he didn't eat.
But once again Wilbur paid absolutely no attention, continuing to only eat half of dinner and maybe a snack each day, and lash out whenever anyone, whether it be Schlatt, Techno or someone else tried to ask him about it.
Most days he could cruise through with only mild depressive symptoms like a lack of motivation, only a few intrusive impulses and he could use substances to control that.
But sometimes he wasn't high, or drunk and he completely collapsed.
Like right now, he was stood in the bathroom, eyes red from crying, the red on his knuckles matching a stain on the door. The toilet lid was open and the small amount of food he'd retched up was still floating on the top.
He was a fucking mess, and he hated it. He hated the way his ribs pushed out against his fitting shirt but he was still too big, not healthy. He probably wasn't even underweight because even though he felt less and less between his skin and bones he was still too heavy, too fat.
Just not thin enough.
Not fucking thin enough.
He was just a fucking addicted mess, wallowing in a bathroom in self pity.
"Fucking pathetic." he cursed at himself. He was being ridiculous, he just needed to fucking get over himself. No one actually cared. He could 'open up', tell someone or whatever but they didn't actually care.
No one wanted to hear about his issues, it just bought down the mood. He knew no one actually gave a fuck.
He was so overwhelmed by his own mind and thoughts, he didn't even hear Phil coming back after dropping off Techno and Tommy.
He didn't even hear Phil calling for him, the words just melting into the thousands of voices shouting at him in his head.
Then Phil finally found him and opened the door, stopping still at the sight.
"Shit." Wilbur swore, his legs threatening to give out. He quickly turned away from Phil and the mirror, arms instinctively hugging his torso as though he could hide how thin he was without his oversized sweaters.
"Holy-" Phil took in a slow breath, trying to seem ok and Wilbur's grip on himself tightened, internally swearing at himself not to fucking cry again. "Wilbur, are you alright?" he asked, trying to keep the slight shake out of his voice.
Wil didn't say anything, scared that if he opened his mouth a sob would come out.
"Can I give you a hug?" the blonde asked quietly. Wilbur once again didn't say anything.
Fuck, he wanted comfort. But he couldn't- he couldn't lower his defenses, he fucking couldn't show Phil anything.
He felt Phil place a gentle hand on his shoulder and he instinctively jumped. But after a few seconds he felt his tense muscles involuntarily relax and he bit his lip as Phil moved in front of him and gave him a loose, gentle hug so that Wilbur could pull away at any second.
They stood there, Wilbur awkwardly refusing to do anything other than stand there.
But eventually he let his head rest on Phil's shoulder, muffling his sniffles in the blondes cargo coat.
Phil tightened his grip very slightly, giving Wilbur a squeeze to remind him he was there.
"It's alright Wil, I'm here, I'm here, you can trust me." he repeated softly again and again, and eventually Wilbur loosely wrapped his arms around Phil, just enjoying the comfort.
He knew in an hour he would entirely regret it but for fucks sake, couldn't he just be a kid for once? Be hugged by someone without fearing abuse and exploitation after.
Fucking hell he missed this.
But eventually he walked away, wiping his eyes and running a nervous hand through his hair and retreating to his room.
But that night at dinner, he swore slightly less that usual and didn't insult Phil once.
That night he actually spent a bit of time thinking about Phil.
He still couldn't trust him at all, but considering Techno and Tommy actually liked Phil after living with him for so long, maybe he wasn't quite as horrible as Wilbur's previous parents.
And he realised that he had started to feel a little safer at home.
That when he came home after a shit day he wasn't scared, or tense, at least less so than he'd been since he was ten years old.
He didn't start being a good kid, changing, eating or any of that bullshit.
But one time when it was just Wilbur and Phil at home, Phil came into Wilbur's room and the other didn't yell at him to go away.
Phil sat down on the end of Wilbur's bed and they actually ended up talking about guitar, which Phil found out Wilbur had been playing since he was three, and had picked it up again when he was twelve at school.
They actually had a nice conversation and Wilbur even let Phil see his smile for once.
Another time when Wil was particularly depressed he opened up about his bio dad a bit. He just swore about how if his fucking dad had never gone to prison, he never would've committed and this entire chain of events never would've happened.
He left the room before Phil could ask him to elaborate but it was the closest Wil had ever come to being open.
Phil had read his file and a few accounts of past abuse so he suspected the kid was hiding a lot, but he never even mentioned it.
Phil had come to his room ten minutes later with a cup of tea and comforting smile, and even though Wilbur barely looked at him, he could tell the teenager appreciated it.
Over the few weeks, while Wil kept up his walls and refused to listen to Phil 90% of the time, but it was still a breakthrough.
YOU ARE READING
WARY [wilbur soot angst]
Short StoryWilbur centric SBI adoption AU. Wilbur Soot has been in the foster system for ten years and thirteen homes filled with drugs, abuse and neglect. So when Phil decides to foster him along with his two sons, Wilbur isn't expecting any different. Was in...
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