" It's a new day, it's Christmas today", Saran's father exclaimed, " I've prepared breakfast for both of you, taste how it is made. "
We wished each other and started having breakfast. I was thinking of Saran's uncanny behaviour while we got to know about his father evening plans with his friends. He felt Saran's soreness and comforted him that it was just a matter of time , he would be here soon. Evening starts with dazzling view of snow white all around. The captivating site of calmness surroundings stolen my heart. The house decore with sparkling stars were shining as shone in the sky. Alas, it once more time, I got slip out of mind that the thick black clouds hid those glowing stars.
" What are you looking at, Advait? ", asked Saran, standing next to me.
" Nothing just, like you I'm trying to befriend of the surroundings ", I replied.
" What? ", he astonished and smiled.
" Yes, I also want to relate my relationship with every particle of this beautiful nature , want to share my happiness and every pain through my vision with them. "
" That's nice, but there's a problem, no one else can feel the world better than me. "
" That's true, so start, I want to hear again. "
" Sure? "
" As sure as today is Christmas "
" All right, so this for Christmas and my Love.
Let this Christmas be a celebration of love.
Christmas is where you are -- the chimes, the snow, all make a setting for a heart aglow.
My love for you is like a christmas wreath, it has no beginning and will know of no end.
The world sharing tender love with adorable gifts, but here I want one from you.
The best gift ever, Infiltrated my heart
I plan to keep you always. Forever to start.
The sparkling stars , the brightening moon, the glowy snow, the blazing bonfire, the charming tree and the roar of beautiful song
I want everyone to witness this moment.
I love you , Advait. "
Shocker! Shocker for me. I stunned, such a big thing I heard, as if the heart was about to rip the body, beating so fast. Saran kneel down, getting his hand out of pocket raise holding a ring, constantly looking at my eyes.
" Will you marry me? ", he proposed.
The ring! Yes , that ring. The fear I had been carrying with me for so long was over, but now what would happen next, not let me speak anything. I lost my ability to think and kept on looking him. He extended my hand and started fitting the ring. I stopped.
" I'm sorry " , I said sorely.
" You should answer yes or no ", he replied.
I kneel down, stop and hold his hand. " I was about tell you , Saran but each time something happened that stopped me from telling you . I apologize for this. I know, I 've done wrong. "
He started laughing like someone intensely heartbroked and it just blow out his mind. Started applause, lauaghing madly. His anguish made me astonished, never expected this before. What should I do in this critical situation, how to handled the things. I keep on apologising to him.
" It's OK! ", he said.
" No it's not! I know this hurts you. ", I tried to hug me but he didn't.
" I said it's ok, no ", he provoked , " You made a mistake. You apologize. Now finish everything."
He was so fed up with all that he locked himself in his room. Shattered emotions can be brought back, but the broken heart can't, it always leave their marks. This time the cracks are not the door which stood between us, this is the truth of our life which never let this heal. I tried hard to console him and to get one chance to explain but all gone void. The wound was fresh, it needed time to overcome. We were both sitting opposite sides of the door, helpless.
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" You got so wrong, Advait. So wrong. I can forgive every mistake you made, but I can never forget that you've ruined lives of two people along with you. "
" I was gonna tell you this but.. " I tried to explain but he cut in me.
" But when? When you leave the place, then? I was an Idiot who couldn't understand this. Your reason for coming here was to fulfill your own needs damn'it, you've made fun of me, Advait. I was an idiot who started thinking that you came to fix everything, but guess what? No.. You came to give more pain. You know how I'm feeling right now? How do you? You don't care for anyone. I feel like a maudlin, like a bloody ill-fated person , whomever I love, will leave me forever. I wish you were never here. Get out of here. Just, get loss! ", aggressively said.
Just as a little spark is enough to blaze an entire woods, smilarly one wound is enough to refresh every chronic pain. One truth of my life forced him to accept his life's biggest blur. I can never forgive myself for the misdeeds I'd done with him.
" You're right, Saran. This is all happening because of me, I should leave. If I stayed here, my truth prick you every moment and I have already given you so much pain, now I don't want to hurt you anymore. " , I replied.
I picked up bag and went on leaving the house. Saran said one thing to me while going.
" Whatever I try to forgive you, forget all about, in that moment you do something that made me starting hate you more. And please, you don't think that I love you or something, whatever I said at that moment was just to get you to know about your real life and nothing more. "
I replied calmly, " Who we love or not, we don't need to say, our actions and efforts says it all " and I left the place.
After walking a bit, I did not even dare to turn back beacuse of what I did. Now there was no hope left, nor any miracle could bring both of us back. Maybe this was our journey only, but there was not a moment of night that I had not thought of Saran. What his father be thinking of me? Those all thoughts blowing my mind bad! I wanted to just get a glimpse of him, atleast my worry would go away and it was not known when it was morning.
" Oh gosh, my ring!!! ", I exclaimed. " Without that I can't even go back India. Oh shit! damn! now this was only left to happen. "
I had lost my mind, how would I demand for ring from Saran but whatever it was, I would have to go.
" Isn't it possible that my work is done and there is no problem? " , I thought.
Thinking the same, I infuriated and kicked my bag and something miraculous happened. I found Saran's house keys which I'd taken to open the door when he was so drunk but the door was already opened as his father was inside. I was so lost in handling Saran that I accidentally kept the key in my pocket and forgot. Whatever happens, happen for a reason and it was for the first time in my life I was going to do this, people brings moon and stars for their love, atleast this much risk I can take for my love so that he didn't have to see my face again.
The same afternoon, I visited Saran's home. Fortunately, no one at home. The door was locked from outside. I looked here and there and quickly unlocked the door and went inside. I didn't think anything and went straight to Saran's room where I could find the ring. I started looking, looked everywhere, in his cupboard, in the desk, even below and upper the bed and then my eyes fell on Saran's study table. I was pity much sure, now it could be find there only. I moved towards it and start searching and there I found Saran's dairy with a pen inside as a bookmark. I didn't know what curiosity I felt in that hurry but I counldn't stop myself. Atleast I would get to knew about Saran's condition from this.
The chilled atmosphere, smooth precipitating snow and the calmness all around. The words of sorrow wishtles the ear muted for few minutes and engrossed me into the shattered written morns. It is said that when someone's heart breaks, it don't create voice. Yes, it's true because sometimes the words written make a noise. That dairy was Saran. The paper inside it, his heart. The words written on it, his wounds. And the ink was I, who made white paper bathed with blue blood.
