When it All Hits

6 pt.1

When Suna finally left, I was left to myself. I could not rack my head around the experience. I knew I felt off. I had a pit in my stomach. It told me to run, but how could I run with Suna right there... and Suna. That was something I had never seen before. Something new. Something... powerful... dangerous even.

My thoughts lead me through a daydream of a day. Even though I was taking notes in class. They were useless. Sentences of the lecture would be torn apart by my own mind's agenda. Starring off into space had always been a focusing problem that drew my attention from schoolwork and conversations. It was never like this though. Walls of mendacious scenery were built around me. Every person that had been bystanders of our misfortune. Every game flared with the temptation of happiness that we had once feel for. The man. The man ran his sordid hands along me. Me. My body. He stroked every little insecurity. My vulnerabilities. Every unstable thought that loomed in my head.

I did not this pian would cease my mind, but going through the day my mind became numb.  Unfazed by the looks I got in the hallway.  Spacing out in the important lectures of our coming mid-terms.  Right before New Years' when everyone was happy, we would work our butts off to make a high score on a stupid test just so that we could finally have a break from our tired lives. Students sit here and pay to get broad education for information that we will likely never use in our adult lives. 

It was hard to focus. I found myself not even thinking of Suna or my grades. None of that seemed to matter to me anymore. 

...

I had not seen Rin all day. It worried me.  I know this whole thing is my fault but I can't stop thinking about everything that I could've done differently.  Hopefully, I can get a ride with him, and that he is not mad at me.  

I waited at Rin's car.  Looking for his dark curls in the crowd of students trying to make their way through the parking lot without getting hit. I see those cute little bounces make their way to the car, only to find a spaced out Rin. I narrowly caught his eye as he walks around his car. To my surprise, he does not hesitate to hug me, resting his head on my chest. I slowly wrap my arms around him. Not mad?... ok!... 

"I will drive," I say softly, hoping to comfort him as much as I could.  

He only handed me the keys, allowing himself to calmly sit down into his own passenger seat. I started the car. I was so afraid to do something wrong. The worst part was normally I could feel his emotions just in the slightest, but there was nothing. Normally I would have a hand on his thigh or his hand in mine, but it was tense. He seemed so far off.  His dynamic presence was so faded.  I was like I was driving alone. Little did I know it was so much worse.