I suddenly smell something unfamiliar; A smell much unlike the ones that normally infiltrate my nostrils. I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling, taking in it's unfamiliarity. The cold white paint color stares back at me, the ceiling light it's giant iris. I roll my head over to my right and notice a mop of brown hair accompanied by a partly opened mouth, a slender nose, and two slits for eyes. Oikawa sleeps soundly on his side, with his arm draped over my stomach. The warmth his body radiates is so comforting I find myself unable to gain the sense to break away. I have never been held in this way before. Not once has a body embraced mine, let alone embraced it while sleeping in the same bed. My mother once held me, I'm sure, but those memories were whisked away by infantile amnesia. By the time I became old enough to cling to thoughts, feelings, smells, she had abandoned her reason for touching me and instead, opted for watching me from afar. This way she felt that she was still doing her duty as a good mother; just watching, absentmindedly, her eyes conveying absolutely nothing as they peered into mine. It was nothing like that of which I am experiencing now. I would give almost anything in this moment to know that a feeling such as this was waiting for me every day. As I soak back into the reality before me, I realize I will have to confront Oikawa when he wakes up. How will I speak to him after he's unknowingly shared such a moment with me. I hope and pray he is actually asleep, that way it gives me a chance to slink out of this bed, room, and house, completely undetected. I lament over leaving this comfort, but I really can't afford to look Oikawa in the face while in this compromising position. I slowly start to slither out from under his arm, removing the blankets from myself in the process. I realize I am completely nude, which only fuels my desire to get out of bed and leave. A thought that I had not considered until now overtakes my mind; Is Oikawa clothed? Of course, my last memory was in the shower with him, but I'm certain he has shorts on. I suppose those would have been drenched from the shower, but I think he would have changed before crawling into bed with me. At this point, I'm actually not too sure if he would have bothered. As I gently swing both of my legs off the bed, I gingerly lift the blanket over Oikawa to reveal the smooth flesh of his bare thigh. I do not dare to look any further as my question has already been answered. Just as I let go of the blanket, Oikawa begins to stir. He shifts around for a moment, then turns his head towards the wall, away from me. I close my eyes and try to breathe steadily in an attempt to calm down my racing heart. I soundlessly open a few drawers to his dresser, which is adjacent to his bed. Finally I pull a small drawer, revealing his boxers. I grab a black pair and quickly slip them on. I walk towards the door, but before I depart, I look back to make sure Oikawa is still asleep. He lays in the same spot, breathing deeply in his slumber. I exit his room and start down the hall. Once I get to the stairs, I look across the living room and into the kitchen, where my clothing lays in a pile on the counter. I descend the steps one by one before walking across the living room. Once in the kitchen, I grab ahold of my clothing and begin to dress in yesterday's outfit. As I slip on my socks, I wonder if my parents have been worried about me. I realize I still have a headache as I reach for my phone, which sits in the space next to where my clothes were. Though not nearly as bad as yesterday's pain, it's closer to a migraine than a headache. Now that I've calmed down, It's made itself apparent. I tap my phone screen and see no notifications. I sigh, grab my phone, and walk towards the front door. I swing it open and withdrawal from the house, and what could have been the most awkward situation of my life.
A couple miles from Oikawa's residence, I look straight ahead and keep my hands buried in the pockets of my shorts. The early morning air kisses my skin with it's frigid lips, sending a frequent wave of chills throughout my body. It's been a really long time since I've been outside at this time of day. It's around 4:30AM and the sun has been completely run off by the enormity of the moon, which hangs above me now in a sea of stars. How serene, yet terrifying is this view. The stillness in the dark conveys the notion that everything sleeps, yet I cannot see that of which decides to linger instead of rest. I guess in this case, I am the lingering entity, though that doesn't make me feel any better about what else might be out here. Suddenly, something rustles in the grass on the other side of the street. I continue to move, but my widened eyes are frozen in the direction of the noise. A dark, small creature emerges and then stops to exchange gazes with me. I stop walking, and squint to make out the animal. Two glowing eyes, a bushy tail, and a fat belly. I chuckle to myself and crouch down, holding my hand out in front of me and clicking my tongue. Sure enough, the stray hurries towards me and greets me with a meow. I feel a smile form on my face as I cup the cat's head with my hands and massage it's ears with my thumbs. Just as the purrs intensify, the cat whips it's head and bites my right hand before running off. Though not particularly painful, the bite was sudden and a little hurtful if I'm being honest. I'll never understand the way of cats I suppose. I continue my walk in pursuit of my house while rubbing my fingers over my broken skin.
The front door to my house is finally in sight, and I walk towards it with a brisk pace. The anticipation of flopping on my bed is growing greater as my hand reaches for the handle. As usual, the door is unlocked and I walk through. I can almost taste my soft sheets and fluffy pillow from here. As I begin up the worn steps, a voice startles me. "What are you doing coming home at this hour?". It's the voice of my mother. I look down at her from the stairs, her expression covered by the darkness of the kitchen doorway. I stare at her, thinking of something to say...the simplest excuse, but I'm frozen once again. This time, there is no familiar face to greet me. Instead, I am faced with the irrefutable tension created by my mother. Why now of all times does she care about my whereabouts, let alone my existence? We both stand with an invisible thread connecting us to one another, waiting to see who will be the first to walk away and snap it. She has always been the one to break the thread when the tension becomes too much to bare, yet she stands in the doorway with what appears to be no intention of moving. I wonder if she can see my expression, or if I am just as mysterious as her shadowed face.
"Kageyama."
I cringe as my name leaves her mouth.
"Well, if you're not going to answer me I'll just go ahead and say it."
I remain silent.
"It's probably about time I give you the talk."
The utter humiliation I feel makes me sick. I almost want to laugh at the absurdity of her offer, but I'm afraid if I open my mouth I'll vomit. This is just my mother. Always ready to play the role when she needs to, but always making it evident that it's a role and nothing more. I'm sure all of her friends have expressed that they're giving their kids the talk, so she figures it's time to make sure she's saving face by doing her bi-yearly check up on me. My humiliation grows into anger as I stare down at her silhouette. "I have a headache." I respond as I turn to walk up the stairs.
"I just don't want you to get anyone pregnant, Kageyama."
I roll my eyes and stop mid-step. I turn to look at her tilted head. Though I cannot see her face, I can picture her expression; A raised eyebrow, pursed lips, and eyes filled with feigned concern. "I literally want nothing to do with women." I say angrily at her. She is silent. I recount what I just said and panic. That came out wrong and I know she's already interpreted it in a thousand equally wrong ways. "I...Have a headache." I mumble as a last attempt to flee. She lets me this time, and we both snap the thread with one violent pull. She goes back to her world now, and I go back to mine.
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Faltering Intentions ( haikyuu KageyamaxOikawa)
FanfictionKageyama Tobio follows his day to day routine of school, volleyball, home until something interferes. He is caught off guard by situations that change his way of living and thinking. He continues to question himself and those around him as he explor...
