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SOFT WHITE DUVETS HUGGED HER BODY IN A LOVING EMBRACE AS JIYEON PULLED HER KNEES CLOSER TO HER CHEST. Her shoulders trembled as she rocked back and forth in an attempt to soothe herself. Crying had always been a way for Jiyeon to release her feelings, but now it was only a habit.
She could not wash away the numbness like she could wash her emotions away. No matter what she tried, it was always there, following her like a shadow.
A sob escaped her lips as she leaned her head against the wall.
Every single second passed like an eternity.
Oh, how badly she wished for it all to end.
'Uhm. . . I don't know if you can hear me, but I heard you crying and I just want to tell you that everything will be alright.'
The sudden voice took her off guard, causing her to flinch away from the wall as if it had burnt her.
'Who━' Jiyeon uttered, quickly drying her tears in case they were inside her home.
'I━ I'm your neighbour. I moved in here a few days ago. The walls aren't very soundproof, so I heard you crying. . .' the voice trailed off, slightly dropping at the end. 'I heard you yesterday too. . .'
'Oh. . .' Jiyeon wasn't sure how to react to the situation.
Embarrassment and shame took over. Her head dropped and her heart stung. She didn't want other people to know that she had been crying. Vulnerability was a scary thing.
'Are you okay?'
Without thinking, Jiyeon answered, 'yeah. Fine.'
A few moments passed before the voice spoke up again. 'Are you sure?'
Silence.
Like a punch to the gut, the air left her lungs. Jiyeon couldn't utter a word. Only covering her mouth with her hand, she silenced the choked sob that almost made its way past her lips. Not once had anyone asked her if she was sure.
She could not blame them. It was never their responsibility to look after her. Even if they did, Jiyeon was nothing but a burden.
A parasite, she took but never gave. She tried to give, she always did but the chains that bound her to her nightmares kept her firmly in place.
Her only friend left her a few months ago, Kim Chaewon.
Chaewon had always been there for Jiyeon, she held Jiyeon when she cried, sat by her when the numbness washed over her, laughed with her when Jiyeon was smiling. Yet, Jiyeon pushed her away. Jiyeon was the one who told Chaewon she hated her, Jiyeon was the one who told Chaewon to get out of her life, Jiyeon was the one who told Chaewon that they were never friends to begin with.
All because Jiyeon thought she wasn't worthy of such kindness, and to relieve the guilt that tainted her heart whenever she thought of the pain Chaewon would go through when she found out that Jiyeon had killed herself.
'Look, I'm not sure what you're going through but we're neighbours now and I am always here for you if you ever need to ta━'
'Thank you,' Jiyeon interrupted him, possibly taking him off guard.
'Oh━' the boy stammered. 'You're welcome.'
It wasn't her intention to shut him down.
No, a voice inside of her told her that she did not deserve it. What had Jiyeon ever done to deserve that kindness? Nothing, thus, she had to make sure he wouldn't burden himself with caring for her.
Jiyeon wouldn't want to wish her feelings upon anyone, not even her worst enemy.
