I watched her long braid of red flames blow about in the breeze. I’ve run my hands through that very same hair many times before. Fiona turned around and as soon as I met her gaze, I knew I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth. "Shrek," she called, "come here! The view is fantastic!" I got up, walked to her side, and snaked my arm around her waist. "Aye. It is very beautiful, as are you." Fiona giggled and playfully shoved me. I let myself fall down and stayed there. This is truly the perfect life.
The next day Fiona woke up early and wanted to go for a walk in the woods. I was awake when she left but chose not to say anything... yet. I knew I would have to. "I know it's today," I thought. I quickly got up, got dressed, and left without her coming back. I strolled down Fairytale Lane, whistling. Coming up on the left was a sign for "Rumplestiltskin's Magical Remedies and Clinic." I stopped at the door and took a deep breath. This is it. This will change my life, for the better. As soon as I walked through the door, there were 7 dwarves running around in uniforms, trying to get things in order. One of them came up to me and asked me to take a seat. "We have been expecting you," he said. "You realize that this is a long and complicated procedure?" I nodded my head. “Good. Follow me back.” I slowly got up and followed his retreating figure through the back door. In the back, as I made my way to the operating room, I passed Jack with a beanstalk growing out of his abdomen (he must have swallowed the beans), and the gingerbread man going through physical therapy (Farqquad had broken both of Gingy’s legs). I started to sweat and become very anxious. Suddenly, the floor was rushing to meet my face, and I blacked out.
The next thing I knew, I was laying horizontal on a gurney, with a drip in my arm. The nurse came up to meet me. “I understand that this may be a difficult procedure for the mind to process, but please relax.” He covered my mouth with a mask. “This is nitrous oxide. If you can, please count backwards from 10, slowly.” I nodded, my eyes beginning to shut once more, and attempted to make the count. “Ten… Nine… Eight… Sss-seven… Sss-six… Sss-six…” And then, I knew nothing.
I woke up surrounded by short people in lab coats, a bright, blinding light shining in my face. Squinting, I tried to lift my arm to block it out, but found that it was held fast by the nurses. “Careful now. Don’t stretch and reopen your wounds.” I couldn’t remember what had happened. “Wha…what’s going on? Am-?” My nurse cut me off. “You’ve been unconscious for a while. Everything went smoothly. You may go home as soon as the anesthetics wear off. There is a mirror in the bathroom. You may go see.” I threw my legs over the side of the bed but head to catch myself. A sudden rush of dizziness overcame me. I sat there for a while then wobbled off to the bathroom. I gripped the mirror and looked up. What was standing there was a big, green mass of hair, ogre ears, and boobs.
