Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Two

Chapter 6 Last Words

Tucker: Alright, here goes nothing.

The Blues were still trying to fix Church's beeping problem.

Tucker: One. . . Two. . . Three!

Tucker yanked the red wire out, a bzzzt coming out of Church.

Church: Oh god, yes finally! Some freakin' peace and quiet! I thought that was gonna drive me nuts!

The beeping was finally gone. Under normal circumstances, this would've disabled the Warthog, but Ruby already dealt with that.

Church: Hey, why can't I move my legs?

And there was a side effect to disabling the beeping.

*With the Reds*

Donut: That was awesome!

Grif: You mind explaining what the hell that was?!

The Reds were both amazed and utterly confused.

Ruby: I honestly wish I could, but it literally just. . . kinda happened.

Simmons: Becoming a badass super soldier doesn't "just kinda happen."

Ruby: It's not my fault! Al- I mean Tex. The girl with the black armor. She told me that I apparently am a super soldier. Only issue is, I have no recollection of that! So yes, it "just kinda happened."

Sarge: Well. . . The Warthog ain't tryin' to kill us anymore. That's focus on that.

Grif: You mean not trying to kill you anymore.

Ruby: Guys, let's focus on what happened to the Warthog. Someone must've found Lo-

She was cut off by a woozy Doc standing up from where he fell.

Doc: I'm just going to mention that the driver seat to the jeep is gonna need a thorough cleaning.

The magenta girl turned to stone.

Ruby: Did he just say what I think he just said?

Grif: Yes, yes he did.

The ravennette removed her helmet, stood still for a second, and promptly vomited.

*With the Blues*

Church: This is great, this is just great! Thanks a lot, Caboose! Now what am I supposed to do, my lower half is damaged.

Caboose: Why don't you try walking it off?

Church: I can't use my legs moron.

Caboose: Oh, I see. Have you tried running?

Tucker: This doesn't seem like that big a deal. You hardly ever used your legs before, anyway. I've never heard of a grown man asking for so many piggyback rides.

Church: Hey, I already told you. That was for science.

Caboose: Why don't you just try. . . walking on your hands? Then you could use your feet for high-fives, and eat sandwiches! You know, the important stuff.

*With the Reds*

Ruby went inside to burn, bleach, and clean her armor.

Ruby: Stupid fake medic! How do you even get ran over and end up in the driver's seat?!

Allison: Would you believe me if I told you this same exact situation happened before you lost your memories?

Ruby: I wouldn't want to believe you. I'd rather die than sit in piss again!

*With the Blues*

Church: Well, just reattach the wires. I'll tell you if I feel something.

Tucker: What about that? Do you feel rhat Church?

Church: No, what're you doing?

Caboose: Oh, Church? You know, I was thinking. Uh, y-y-you know when you eat ice cream too fast sometimes and it hurts your brain?

Church: Hey Caboose? Yeah, shut up.

Caboose: Uhhhhh, Church? I think you should know that the Reds are-

Church: DAMMIT, Caboose! In the short time I've known you, you've managed to call my girlfriend a slut, blow me up with a tank, shoot me through the head, and now paralyze me from the waist down!

As Church yelled, Grif, Simmons, and Doc were just outside their base.

Church: So I hope it's not too much to ask, just for once, IF YOU'D SHUT YOUR FREAKIN' MOUTH!!!!!!!

Simmons: Hey Blues, we're here to- What the hell are you guys doing?!

Tucker was still crouched in front of Church, making a very compromising position. . . .