You and me
Me and you
Somehow we made it through
I may be gone
I may be far away
But I walk beside you
Every step of the way
When you're used
Bruised
Black and blued
Don't think about it
Never doubt it
I'll walk beside you
(I Walk Beside You, Beth Rowley)
LA, August 2019
Time spent together in LA was always meaningful. With him. That was perhaps why I never looked at LA again with the same colour as when I was with him. Without him, LA was just a big glamour city where dreamers pursuing their paper dreams; some made it but most just stuck collecting dusts. Trapped in a multicolour city with deceiving brightness.
We went to many interesting little places around LA where people or tourist rarely go. I was afraid of paps catching on us and the butterfly effect we created to our lukewarm careers. We didn't need unnecessary attention, but the right attention on our acting abilities and talents. So we strayed far from people. A week with him flew fast to compare with a week with myself. Unfair, innit?
My highlight with him this time was our trip to wet market in LA. I loved seafood and it was a compulsory commodities in my fridge. He loved chicken and I believe his love for chicken surpassed his love for me. So we were getting our one week supply at the wet market. Nobody knew us because you guess what? Nobody glamour would come within a kilometre radius to a wet, smelly and noisy wet market. No paps would waste their bloody time hanging around wet markets! Perfect place for us. He loved my seafood fried rice or any pasta seafood I made, so I knew seafood was a must in our palette that week. He loved the market trip, telling me in London they could get all the supplies in any of the supermarket chains like Tesco, Asda, Lidl or that posh supermarket (like I used to call them, making him rolled his eyes) like Waitrose and Ocado. The same here as well but nothing beat the real thrill going to a real wet market and enjoying the chaos within. In Perth, you found a lot of wet markets with endless selections of seafood, poultry and meats because of our thriving Asian community which centred around these ingredients in their everyday cookings. Wet market trip was my family highlight as well, since we were children. Now, I brought him to my secret place. It was my privilege to see his gleeful and excited face looking at all the seafood selection, his wonder watching the butcher carving the meats and his smiles seeing row and rows of freshly slaughtered chickens. Did I said I love him for all he was? Yeah, including the small child in him. Adorable H.
We went to Anna's house for few times whenever she called us to join her family for dinner or lunch. At this point we knew Anna must had made her own conclusion about us. She must had a finding but she kept it to herself. She never ask and we were happy enough with her arrangement. Whenever we came to her place, he sometimes made salad or I made Banoffee pie to bring along with us. Asher loved the pie and so did Anna and Jordan. Him definitely. I learned how to make it when I was in acting school, because that was the easiest pie to make and I was fed up with people bringing cakes or pizzas to our weekly potlucks. I perfected the skills over the years and never in my slightest mind I would one day had an English boyfriend who supposed to appreciate the pie. You see, Banoffee pie is an English dessert pie so naturally any British subject would fond of it, except my Hero. He didn't eat much sweet, so Banoffee pie was the same way pizza was to me. Only when I made one for Shane's birthday last year, and had it sent to him before I went back to Perth via Anna, he got his attention on the pie. Apparently Anna got to taste it from Shane and she was raving endlessly about it during our After tour. Among the first thing he asked me to do when he came home to me before Toronto was to make him a Banoffee pie. He ate it and he liked it. He told me it tasted like this one shop near his home in London. He further told me nobody baked for him because his mother was sucks at almost everything cooking and Mercy was too lazy to even attempt to make it. I had to bite my lip to stop from smiling. What an honest mommy's boy!
Now, every time he was in LA, I made sure to have the pie in the fridge. He would nip at it between movies and in the afternoon. I can tell he still not fond of sweet but I didn't know why the obsession over the pie. He told me to get Shane or anybody anything, but not Banoffee pie. Anna was an exception because Asher loved it and Hero was Asher's favorite. So Asher got the immunity. I liked to think he was jealous I was sharing my affection on food with Shane. We actually did a lot, way back since After first filming in Atlanta. To think back now, I realized Hero would be in bad mood whenever Shane posted something mentioning me and food in his IG stories. So maybe I was right, he got jealous. I like to believe it that way.
We met Roger a couple of times at Anna's. He took the opportunity to discuss briefly with us on his expectations. We were ready and we knew what we signed for, so we assured him we were prepared for anything regarding the acting in the movie. I was given liberty to have a say on Tessa's wardrobe this time, and nicely Roger took notice to our ideas on scripts improvising. He allowed us suggesting additional scripts or lines that might helped enhanced the movie similarity to the book. He, Jen and Anna was set to keep the movie as close and faithful to the book as they could. Just the way the fans wanted.
"What do you want to do with your fifty quids?" We were watching another movie by his choice. It was hot outside and it was hot inside. A different kind of hot. It was three months without intimacy for us and nobody said anything about it. I was quiet because no matter how modern and independent was I, I was an old school type of girl. I wanted him to initiate it because I wanted to know whether his needs were as raging as mine. Plus, I was nervous because of the implant. I tried to play it in my mind on how to tell him, but none sounded casual enough. I knew he was hard almost all the times but he hid it well from me except during our showers together. He let me touch him but we didn't have any oral, just touching each other enjoying the sensation. He refused to let me went down on him, maybe due to his worry about me getting accidentally pregnant if we kept having oral on each other. But wouldn't that like 1 in 1000 chances? Hmmm.. what would I do if that happened? I had many scenarios but only one I was dead certain: I will keep the baby and raise him. With or without Hero. Wait, how would I know the baby going to be a he? Oh Jo, stop it. You are being fucking neurotics now. Relax. You are not going to get pregnant soon. Not until you take out the implant. So chill!
"Hey, don't leave me.." his voice soothing, he leaned a bit and lowered his head to find my lips. He pecked it softly.
"I never leave you. You are the one who always leave me.." I said meaningfully. My face impassive. He chuckled and gently pull me into his lap. I straddled his lap and twisted my hair into french knot, slipping half of the hair inside the other, securing it on my nape. He looked at the way I knotted my hair, and when I was done tucking few strands behind my ear, he pulled my bottom closer to his pelvis. I inhale slightly when my triangle was pressed on his hard shaft. His eyes never leave me.
"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way, Jo." His eyelids drooped, his eyes seemed sad and his lips pressed. I held his face with my hands, grazing my thumb on his lips and kissed him gently. I was afraid for how much I loved this man. I shook my head.
"I didn't want to upset you, I just want you to know what I feel. I'm not even angry, I know this is what we should expect but I want you to know. It hurts more every time you leave. I thought it will get easier. It doesn't.." I sighed and letting go of his face. His hands slowly rubbing my back. I pressed harder on his shaft, making us as closest as possible and I rested my head on his shoulder. I kissed his neck and shoulder, inhaling his smell.
"No, you didn't upset me. I felt it long ago, and I am angry with the fucking distance between us.." I looked at him when he said it. A flicker of anger was visible for a few seconds on his perfect face.
