- Tuesday, 11:49pm -
Suna's apartment looks the same as that fateful day I went to meet his sister. When we enter his room, I'm reminded of what happened that day, of how I felt. I don't regret a thing.
"Are you sure your parents won't worry?" my boyfriend asks, but I already know what I want to tell him.
"Even if they do," I begin, "I don't care. I won't let them take the rest of my teenage years from me. I'm reclaiming my life."
Rintarou's eyes widen. He turns his face away, but not before I see his eyes, swimming with tears. Knowing his past, I can understand why what I said made him emotional.
Suna Rintarou is stronger than anyone I know, and his tears falling at my words proves this. His decision to move out was forced upon him; he didn't want to have to live his life separately from his biological family. However, now that this is his only option, he has accepted that and is working towards a way to live independently, without having to rely on his aunt for financial help.
He has had to live alone for a year as a teenager and hasn't shown how much this has destroyed him. He's never talked about how much he misses home. He's never cried, until now. He really is just a damaged child, but he is not broken. And for that, I admire him.
And I love him. So, so much.
"Suna, I've been thinking about our situations, and I have an idea, so please hear me out."
His body turns to me, his attention on my words, and he takes a seat on the end of his bed. My tone is serious yet hopeful.
I take a deep breath, trying to find the words to describe my plan perfectly.
"Firstly, I have money saved up. It's not a lot. Uh uh-" I stop him when he opens his mouth to say no, "I know you said no to a donation but this is different."
He sighs and folds his legs up on the bed, picking at a spot on his duvet. "Go on, then."
"Good. So, I have money saved up from the café and tutoring. It's not a lot, but I think it's at least a few months rent and living expenses. Now, if we both tutored and worked at the café, then it doubles, and suddenly it becomes enough for half a year of rent and living expenses. I can help you get hired, and I can connect you with some people to tutor in math and science."
The messy-haired boy sitting on the bed is looking at me now. His familiar yellow eyes, the same colour as the stone on the ring I wear, gleam at me, thinking.
Calculating.
"Secondly, there's a program I found online that can get you some qualifications in a couple of months, and when you have those qualifications, you're eligible to sign up for a call center job. It pays $42,000 per year."
Suna nods, following along with my words carefully.
I take a deep breath, the most difficult part of my idea approaching fast.
"Third, I..." My voice falters and I stumble over my words.
Suna raises his eyebrows at my sudden nerves. "Yes?"
Inhaling deeply, I blurt, "I'd like to live with you."
An awkward silence follows.
"Listen, I know it sounds dumb, but it would really save money because I want to move out NOW because my parents are suffocating me and I feel trapped and I don't want to get my own apartment because that's more stress and way too expensive for me to handle with just a cafe job and a couple of tutoring sessions a week so it's actually a really good idea in my opin-"
"Woah, woah, woah," Suna chuckles. "You're going way too fast. You need to breathe. Plus, I never said no."
I exhale sharply. "You haven't said yes, though."
"You barely gave me a chance to speak!" he exclaims, laughing and shaking his head. "Seriously, Ayano, I honestly like the idea of living with you. I don't know how you're going to persuade your parents, but if you do, of course you can move in with me."
I grin at him, practically planning our wedding in my head. "I don't plan on convincing them. I'm just going to move out."
His smile drops. "No, you can't do that."
I frown, my heart dropping. "Why not? It'll be easy. I can file to be an emancipated minor, no problems."
He shakes his head, his eyes serious. "No. I won't let you lose your relationship with your parents like that. I lost mine, so..." his voice breaks. He bites his lip. "I know they won't agree, but you don't have to tell them you're moving in with a guy. Just tell them you're moving in with a roommate who advertised online. A female roommate. But I won't let you run away from them, Ayano. I won't let you end things on a bad note with them. I won't let you."
His argument is reasonable, and his reason behind his strong emotions is compelling. I agree to approach my parents by spinning this story.
- Suna, Wednesday, 12:06am -
Aya and I leave my apartment, ready to walk to her house, but partway down my street, something strange happens.
Ayano's breathing beside me transforms into ragged gasps, the same gasps I heard the day after her attack at the park. Her breathing worsens as we approach the part of the street where the attack happened, and at this point I have the sense to stop and check on her.
Fear is plastered across her face and her eyes stare at something I can't see. My heart quickens as I realize that he's having a panic attack, triggered by the location and darkness, and is recalling the events of the night of the attack.
I grab her hand and squeeze it, but Ayano is so frozen in fear that I make a decision on the spot.
I run, back the way we came, dragging her by her hand, pulling her away from the scene of her attack.
When we reach my front door, Ayano is able to move her muscles properly again, although her breathing is still irregular.
The attack was so sudden and unexpected that I'm shocked. I had thought that she had recovered, though I now realize she had just been distracted. I feel ashamed, though I can't logically think why.
I make Ayano, who is breathing normally now but is still shaking and has started to cry, a mug of hot chocolate. She takes it in her hands but doesn't drink it; she uses it to stop her hands from shaking, to warm her up.
"Aya, do you want to talk about it?" I ask her gently, not wanting to prod her for information. She shakes her head, her eyes telling me that there's nothing to say. She had thought she was recovered, just as I did.
It's a cruel, cruel thing, distraction.
It's temporarily healing, but the wound re-opens, and it hurts just as bad, if not worse.
When Ayano stops shaking and crying, she hasn't touched her hot chocolate and tells me she's exhausted. I tip the drink down the sink, not in the mood for the lukewarm drink either.
"You can sleep in my bed," I offer, pulling back the covers. She gets in, unable to refuse.
I stand there awkwardly, wondering what I should do. "Should I sleep on the couch?" I ask, in case she's uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a bed with me.
She stares at me like I'm crazy.
"Get in."
- Ayano, Wednesday, 1:40am -
A lot happened tonight, but because of the result, I don't think I would change anything.
The result? Suna, fast asleep, in the same bed as me.
He sleeps so sweetly, the look on his face of such peace it's almost funny. His breathing is soft and he sleeps soundlessly, thank goodness.
I lie facing him, left awake with my own thoughts. I have the strongest desire to touch him, my body calling out for the feel of his. I'm so lost in my thoughts, I don't notice him stirring.
"Ayano...?" he whispers in a voice deepened by his tiredness. "Why're you awake still?"
I shrug and smile at him, giving him a quick peck.
He smiles and blinks slowly, still sleepy. "What're you thinking about?" he asks me, noticing my eyes never leaving him.
I roll onto my back, staring at his ceiling. "You."
He chuckles softly. "I was just dreaming of you, you know."
"Why would you wake up, then?" I tease.
He shrugs, also rolling to face the ceiling. "Why dream of someone when you can see them in person?" he replies.
"You make a good point."
We lay comfortably in silence for a few minutes, and then I share something.
"I've never had a sleepover before, with anyone," I tell him. "While all my girlfriends were having sleepovers, my parents kept me at home to study. It was elementary school, then. I don't know why I needed to study."
Suna sighs. "Your parents are ridiculous creatures," he comments.
I nod in agreement. "But so are yours."
"I guess having children makes people irrational."
"I guess so."
With this, I roll over, resting my head against Suna instead of the pillow. I realize, too late, that he doesn't have his shirt on, but I don't pull away. My arm wraps around his torso, my fingers brushing against a scar on his chest and he flinches, so I let my limbs rest where he's more comfortable. When he wants to tell me how he got his scar, he'll tell me. Until then, I'll ignore it.
Our breathing syncs, as do our heartbeats, I believe.
We fall asleep like this, my arm wrapped around him, my body leaning into his, my head on his chest, and his arm around me, pulling me closer, stroking my back.
He thinks I'm asleep when he whispers, "I love you, Otsuka Ayano."
a/n++
yall i had to do it im sorry if you think its too early. in case yall are wondering why ayano is so hEld dOwN bY gRaViTy its bc she has a lot of emotions that she hasn't let out, and suna feels weightless because he doesn't think he has all these emotions that are holding him down to earth. yaknow? anyways-
qotd: what food are you craving rn? for me i could really do with some ice cream or cake or ice cream cake mmmm :PPP i might go eat some of my ice cream now actually hehehe hbu guys?
