Fear will not stop me

A Visitor in Rehab

Stef POV

"I am so over this. I mean what do I have to do. I have told you everything. How many time do I have to rehash this. Im done. Fuck this shit....Say something damn it." I say to Cindy.

" Stef why dont you calm down and sit back down."

I stare at her in disbelief.

"You know what? I need a break. Can I go to the restroom." I ask before turning and walking towards the door not waiting for an answer. I push the door open and walk to the bathroom. I walk to the sink not noticing the women drying her hands. I turn on the water and stares at it as the water falls down. thinking about Drew. Missing him but mostly missing the drugs. I look in the mirror not recognizing  the reflection staring back at me. The bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep that I was getting. I hated this person and who she had become. the anger building up inside of me. I have never been an aggressive person before and I have never not been able to control my anger. I can feel my chest rising and falling. I lean over trying to take back over control, maybe that will help as it gets harder and harder for me to breath. I grab my chest and fall to the floor just like when they were taking Drew away from me.

"Just breath." I hear a voice saying. "In and Out. Slowly. That's it. Try to think about a happy thought." They says. My mind Immediately goes to Lena. I close my eyes and try to remember her smell of lavender from her shampoo and the way her face felt in my hands and her kiss on my neck. I suddenly start to feel me take back over my breathing. I continue to listen to this women like my life depended on it.

"Now, there we go. Do you think you can stand now." I open my eyes and nod at this older Black women, as she reaches and help pull me up off of the floor. She seems real nice. Its something about her though. since returning I haven't felt that urge to trust anyone. but she was different.

"Thanks." I say

"Panic attack huh?" She says handing me a torn piece out paper towel.

"Uh.. Yeah. I been haven't them since.... well for about 3 month now. How did you know what to do? Are you a Doctor or something?

"Not a doctor, but an expert in Panic attacks. My daughter use to have them when she was younger and I always had to help her through them. That is until we got her some help."

"Is that why you are where now? Getting your daughter help?"

"Well no, not really. I'm here to see one of my best officers and was waiting until their session was over to speak to them and see how everything is going." she says with a loving smile "I know that this situation is the best so I just want to show my support."

"I think that awesome. I'm sure they will be glad to see you.

"I hope so." she says as she extends her hand. "Hope you get out of here soon. You're sure that you'll will be ok."

"Yes thank you again." I say as I grab her hand and return with a shake.

With that she turns and walks out of the restroom. I take a deep breath wait a min and follow out behind her, returning to my cession.

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Lena POV

"Lena Baby. I'm sorry please believe me."

" im sure you are Lisa. Its not the first time or the second..... Do you really think that less of me to let your family treat and talk to me any kind of way?"

"Lena, I'm sure you're just over reacting."

I stare at her in disbelief, staring deep into her eyes to the depths of her soul searching to see if there is any hope in this relationship. I wait for what seems like hours but are only seconds. The next thing I know is the wet feeling on my checks. I feel weak, tire from fighting this long exhausting battle that I know in my heart has no end or relief. I cant hold it in any longer. I burst into tears.