The One Where They Fall in Love (A Chandler x Joey Fanfic)

Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.

"And now I have to get a snake," Chandler declared, throwing his hands up.

If it wasn't depressing enough that their downstairs neighbour Heckles died, it turned out he had lived a lonely, bitter life that Chandler seemed destined to live as well.

Cue the snake.

"What?" Monica asked.

"If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man,
I'm gonna need a thing," he explained with a frown. "You know, a hook. Like that guy on the subway who eats his own face. So I figure I'll be
"Crazy Man With A Snake"." He took a definitive pause. "Crazy Snake Man."

He continued his rant, his gestures wide and dramatic.

"Then I'll get more snakes,
call them my babies. Kids will run past my place! "Run away from Crazy Snake Man,"
they'll shout!"

Monica rolled her eyes. "You have got to get over this. You're not gonna end up alone."

"Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there," Chandler retorted, more frustrated with himself than her.

And I deny liking men, then bitch that none of them want me, he thought, glancing over to Joey in the corner.

Was he aware? Yes. Has he accepted it? Not quite.

The day went by and Chandler had secured a date with Alison from work, despite her unusually large head. Or so Chandler had hoped.

My god, that's a big head! It didn't look this big in the office, he thought, nodding along to Alison as she talked. Maybe it's the lighting. My head must look like a golf ball at work.

He took a breath, mentally revisiting Heckles' yearbook from earlier. All right, don't get hung up on it, quick, quick, list five things you like about her: Nice smile, good dresser...Big head, big head, big head!

He stood up abruptly. "I'm.. just gonna head to the washroom for a sec," he explained hesitantly, turning and heading to the back of the restaurant.

What am I doing? He mentally lectured himself for a good five minutes in the mirror over the leaky sink, earning some odd looks from men walking in and out, including Joey.

Joey?!

"The hell are you doing?" He prompted, motioning to the mirror.

Chandler shrugged meekly. "This date sucks," he confessed. "I can't listen to a word she's saying. Was she talking about her family, or her dead dog from five years ago? As if I know! Her massive, giant, head-"

Joey rolled his eyes with a smile. "If her head's so much bigger, wouldn't she be louder too?"

"Sure," Chandler snorted, relaxing against the sink.

"Look, you just have to get out there, move past it. Alright, move, I need to fix my hair."

"Are you also out on a date?"

"Yup."

Chandler frowned as his roommate walked out.
Where was the talk about how she looked, how easy it was to convince her to head back to her place for sexy times? Hehe, head.

Oh yeah, the date.

He headed out begrudgingly, still not processing a word Alison said. His mind was preoccupied with something else.