Nagising ako bandang mga alas 4 ng umaga so I decided to take a coffee and just write something on my blog. Habang nagtatype, may bumungad na notif sa phone ko. It was Chris' ex's name. Yung last na gf niya before ako dumating.
She sent me a message kaya walang pag-aalinlangan ko din itong binuksan. Her message goes like:
—I miss u.
I wanted to roll my eyes pero di ko nagawa because may biglang pumasok sa isip ko. Minsan ba, namimiss din ni Chris ang mga ex niya?
Did it ever cross his mind to tell them how they feel?
I was searching through my contacts at akmang pipindutin pangalan niya nang may biglang kumatok sa pintuan. Along with the knock came a message.
—Wake up. Its me, your boyfriend. Open the door, baby.
After I checked through the windows kung sino ang kumatok, binuksan ko agad ang pinto. Pero di ko muna siya pinapasok.
“What are you doing in my house at this hour, Chris?" I glared at him.
“I miss you." He pouted.
Since, I missed him too. Pinapasok ko siya sa bahay and we end up cuddling. But I broke the hugs right away dahil kailangan kong makapagsulat sa blog.
I was sitting on his lap, his arms snaked around my waisy as he buried his face on my nape. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagsulat but the more I tried to ignore the terrible feeling, mas lalong lumala.
While leaning on my laptop, di ko maiwasang magtanong, "Chris, do you, by any chance or sometimes, miss your ex?"
"Baby, anong klaseng tanong yan?" His voice is so malambing.
I hate how he's trying to seduce me with that voice.
“Tanong lang." I faked a laugh.
He rested his chin on my shoulder, “I miss ny exes."
Napataas ang kilay ko dahil sa sagot niya.
“I just miss how I gave my best to all of them but end up getting hurt in the end." He pulled me in a tight hug, “But I have no room to miss my ex."
“Eh? You're words are contradicting—"
“How can I miss my ex when I am only focused on you?" I heard his exhausted sigh. “Kasama man kita o hindi, tanging ikaw at ikaw lang yung palaging naiisip ko. Minsan, napaisip din naman ako sa kanila. Pero I never regretted anything about them. I guess, nagpapasalamat pa ata ako sa kanila dahil kapag hindi nila ako binitawan...I would already be married by now."
“Oh, umm..."
“I have no room for my pasts. The only thing na naiisip ko mula sa nakaraan is yung lessons. You're already here. Ano pa ba hahanapin ko when you already fulfill everything I wished to have?"
Hindi na lang ako nagsalita pa.
I chose to stay silent not because I feel dominated but because of the fact na may mga paru-parong nabuhay sa tiyan ko.
How cliche.
But he's right.
The past should remain in the past.
Focus on what's in front of you than looking back at the things that can only destroy your happiness.
Its okay to miss someone.
But what's not okay is letting that past stay, and ruin your future again and again.
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