Clarity

#13

Matthew POV

"So, where are you going Mat-Mat?" Emery asked as she skipped beside me, holding onto my thumb.

"I'm going to go find big Sissy," as soon as I said that her blue little eyes lit up.

"Can I come? Pleaseee Mat-Mat?" She jumped up and down in front of me.

"I'm sorry, Em, but you can't this time. I'm gonna be gone for a while," I knelt to her level, "and it's not safe past the valley for little girls like you."

She pouted, to be expected at her age, but she was always one who was quick to forgive.

"Are you going to find Ty?" Finn poked his head out of the old barn, cradling a piglet.

I sighed. I should've said something else. They all want to go, and if I bring one, I gotta bring them all.

"Take Finny!" Emery exclaimed, clasping her hands together.

"Em-"

"Take him." Gramps said, holding a bucket of fresh milk.

"Gramps-"

"It'll help you get in. Plus, Benny can't come, Emery is too young and the girls are at that age, so get him out."

"I don't want him getting hurt." I plainly replied.

"Would you let him get hurt?" Gramps cocked an eyebrow and I sighed, throwing a saddle over my horse.

"Go get your stuff."

•~•~•~•~•

2 years ago

"Oh my God Levi!" I exclaimed, covering my ears and running my hands into my hair.

"I told you-"

"Bull fucking shit. You didn't tell me anything!"

So this fight has been going on for almost three hours now. It started off with him telling me he didn't want me going on anymore scout missions, then him wanting to go back to the Underground, and now- well-

"Why didn't you tell me you knew Kenny?!" He slammed his hand on the table.

"I don't! He came to my house but I never met him! And why didn't you fucking tell me about talking to Erwin behind my back?! Fucking answer me damnit!"

Levi didn't say anything, he just rubbed his face. After crossing his arms, he sighed.

I dropped to the floor, my back against a book case. I couldn't do this anymore. These fights were pointless. They were out of order, confusing-

Painful.

"I can't do this," I whispered.

"Hm?"

"I can't do this." I said through my slipping tears.

"What do you mean?" Levi questioned, his icy eyes burning holes in my soul.

"I can't keep fighting. I can't keep going on this cycle. We fight and fight. Then we have lots of sex and everything is happy. And then shit repeats-" I stood up, my back to him as I played with my gold band, "this isn't how I want to live my life."

"Ty-"

I faced him, and tossed my ring to him.

"Do one thing for me," I glared at him, "divorce me and make this stop."

Levi stood there dumbfounded. There were tears slipping out of my eyes, but I didn't budge. I wanted an answer.

I needed him to say yes.