𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄 [𝐣.𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫]

10: 𝔟𝔩𝔲𝔢, 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔩𝔬𝔯 𝔬𝔣 𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔩𝔡 𝔡𝔬𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫

blue brought melancholy
so infinite she filled the skies
full of hopes she'd never achieve
the seas swimming, waves colliding
against her soul. and they never saw
the shadows that lingered, waiting,
smiles fading into darkness
slowly, she said. slow enough,
and they'll never notice
the heart that was quietly
stopping.

You alright, mate?" Sirius whispered, leaning in so close he accidentally brushed up to Remus's shoulder. Sirius felt a sudden surge in nerves, and he backed off, cursing at himself.

Madame Pomfrey wasn't far ahead. Remus just shrugged, motioning for the three boys to get away from him before they were discovered. He couldn't risk Madame Pomfrey knowing about the other Marauders just behind him, much less the fact that they were all illegal Animagi.

Even if he could answer, he would've chosen to remain silent. He was not okay, the hairs on his neck pricking whenever he got into close proximity with another living creature. His heart had nearly gone into tachycardia when he'd heard Sirius's quiet voice in his ear. He was not okay, knowing that in a few hours, he'd be howling at the moon viciously, any resemblance to his human self lost.

The moon was beginning to make an appearance over the clouds, and he quickened his pace, furiously ignoring the aches in his muscles, exhaustion threatening to swallow him whole. He hugged, feeling beads of sweat gather on his forehead despite the crisp night air.

He wished more than anything to be given a break from his horrible affliction, begged the universe for a break. When he was younger, he'd do his chores, save kitties off busy roads, anything to show the universe he was trying to fix whatever he'd done to deserve being a werewolf.

I'm sorry, he'd whisper, staring at the crescent silhouette that hung eerily in the black night. Please, please, please.

But his efforts were in vain, his cries for mercy met with silence, the sinister fates curling their lip at such a pitiful creature. The shadows laughed, taunting him with hope every once in a while. A new cure at St. Mungo's would feel hopeful, clear up some symptoms before the night, but make him tear at himself with more fervor, the potion angering the wolf within.

Slowly, his hopefulness disintegrated, as the Lupins were left poorer than before, smiling through one disappointment after another. Lyall desperately wanted to cure his son of the affliction he'd caused, chuckling bitterly at the bills sent afterward. It was the price his son had to pay for his discrimination.

Remus had never blamed his father for the incident. He did, however, often dream of a life where Lyall hadn't said those horrible words. It made him feel better that somewhere in the universe, there was a happy Remus who didn't have to live in discomfort. He let his eyes close for a brief minute, relishing the fact that in another world, he was just like anyone else.

His daydream was interrupted by Poppy, who notice he'd stopped walking.

"Remus, are you alright?" She called, her wand illuminating the steps ahead. She was in charge of making sure the paths were clear, so she walked ahead of him.

"Yeah," he called back, breathing ragged.

A lie.

She pursed her lips, sympathy clear in her eyes as she gave him a gentle smile. "How are you feeling?"

Remus considered this, seeing as the boys were right next to him and probably leeching on to every word.

"Alright," he replied, looking down at the dying grass.

Lies, lies, and more lies.

He stomped hard on the dried leaves that littered the ground, the sharp crunch sending chills down his spine. Then he stomped on another, and another, just so he could see if he'd flinch at the loud crackling. So he could be reminded of how weak he truly was.