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21. Weeping Willow

Writetobebetter

Reviewer- ElysiumKingdom

Blurb:

It's informative enough to give a good feel as to what the story is going to be about, and already had questions arising. It's catchy enough to encourage a reader for sure. There are some missing commas throughout but it's still very much readable.

Writing Style:

I found your style to be very distinctive. The manner of narrative which unfolded the story was like a blend of old classics meeting modern. It stood out and acted as memorable among the many books I've read.

It started off lore-like, which I think suited the story very much, and then integrated itself into first person which was a smooth transition.

The way you wrote the first chapter amplified your style and acted as a strong starter. Sentences were cleverly written and the hard work put into them is evident. But be careful, for as cleverly written as some of them were, some became repetitive; there were times where the same thing was being said in different wording or similar things being said in close proximity. They were not overly frequent events, but just something to be aware of.

Plot:

The plot reaches out and grabs the reader's attention right away. You start off right in the middle of it, which creates an exciting atmosphere.

There's a lot going on, and with each chapter the world upon which we found ourselves begins to get bigger and bigger, branching out to more possibilities and wonder. The world-building is good and clearly well thought out. It's explained well, which helps follow and keep up with the events happening. It's a brave and intricate storyline, and holds a lot of potential within itself.

The pace is constant, so it doesn't drag, which is great for keeping a reader's attention. Things could get a little fast when a lot of action was happening at once, and I personally felt they just needed just a little more detail and awareness to avoid getting lost in the moment, but they were minor instances,

Descriptions:

Your descriptions are also quite distinctive. They match the theme of events in which they're portraying and do a great job in creating a visual on the things being described.

When portraying the emotions of others, more depth could be added in places to reflect them rather than relying on adverbs, but that is just my opinion. With her own, most are well done, but some feel that an elaboration could hold a more forceful impact.

For the most part, it's rich in scenery and details are implemented into the smallest of things. I like the way you use those small details to tie in and reflect with her past as it helps create a deeper understanding of her childhood without info-dumping. It helps create a broader understanding of the character.

Also, as its in first person, be careful about how you describe some scenes as you should only be aware of what the main character knows or sees. Occasionally things that she shouldn't or couldn't know are put into a scene.

Grammar and Punctuation:

The first thing I noticed was a lot of missing commas. It causes the wording to merge and makes it harder to decipher what bits are supposed to run on with each other, or which bits should be set apart. Similarly, there are times you use commas in the stead of periods.

Loosely related, structure-wise, some sentences were long and bulky, and could have perhaps benefited from being broken into two, or worded slightly different to rid the awkward feel of it. There's also a few sentences throughout that feel like they're missing a word or feel that need extending ever so slightly.

Capitalization is inconsistent. You have the basics. You seem perfectly aware of when or when not to use a capital letter, so all is fine in that aspect. But there are places where you capitalize titles of respect, such as 'King', which is more than fine. But without the consistency, it makes the ones that are capitalized stand out.

Also, while on the matter of consistency, there's your numbering.

Numbers, especially those under ten, should generally be in a written format. You do write them out in a lot of places, but you also switch to numerical. It's random to which you use as the same number you spelt out can be numerical a few paragraphs later and vice versa.

Dialogue punctuation should be a comma if a dialogue tag follows, and a period if action or thought follows.

Overall:

It was immersive and enthralling, and stretches the imagination to the brink. There's a lot of good, strong elements to the book, and the work put into it is evident. There were times I felt a Game of Thronish vibes, which I loved, and I'm sure others will too. It's the kind of fantasy world that readers so easily lose themselves in.

Any questions, feel free to ask.