ACOTAR one-shots

That's Not What My Shadows Tell Me

The fire crackles in the hearth as I stare into the dancing flames, trying to focus on anything other than the cursed images plaguing my mind. Thoughts of Azriel pinning me against a wall, his hands on my hips, his lips pressing into mine.

The howl of laughter behind me startles me from my thoughts. Feyre and Cassian are nearly doubled over on the couch, grins stretching across their faces, their drinks sloshing dangerously around in their glasses as they lose themselves in their mirth.
Mor shrieks with glee as Cassian falls completely to the floor in his drunken state. Rhys just shakes his head at the two of them, taking another sip of his wine with a smirk. 

I wasn't paying attention to what happened, but I let a smile pull at my lips anyway. I suppose it doesn't matter what was said. They're all so incredibly drunk that probably even the smallest thing could set them into a giggle fit like this. I haven't really been in the mood to let go of my inhabitations completely and drink the night away, afraid of what I might say or do should I let myself get in the same state they are.
But I'll let them enjoy their revelry without my silent pining ruining the fun. I spare a glance at the Shadow singer lounging across from them in the corner, noticing he is also choosing not to lose himself to the wine this evening, his glass still sitting nearly full on the table beside him. 

As if my attention called to him his hazel eyes flick towards me. I quickly drop my gaze to the wine glass in my hand. I haven't really been drinking it at all, but now I stare at the contents as if it's the most interesting thing in the world. I can feel my cheeks flushing hot and pray to the mother that he's already turned his attention back to the giggling drunks across from him.
I curse myself for how flustered that one glance makes me feel. 

I shouldn't be feeling this way towards him, but no matter how much I've tried to give it a chance, Lucien has never made me feel like this. I shake my head away from that thought, throwing back the remaining wine in my glass. I don't want to think of him right now. I willingly let my mind drift back to the Shadow singer.
I imagine what it would be like for him to sweep me away in his shadows, to have the world and its expectations fade away until it's just us in the darkness, our hands roaming, gripping, feeling each other. Heat pools in my core and I grit my teeth trying to remain present. The last thing I need is for the entire room to scent how hot and bothered I am. 

Of their own volition, my eyes drift towards Azriel. My breath hitches as I find him peering up at me through his lashes. His shadows dance around him, undoubtedly whispering things in his ears. I wonder how much they can actually pick up. A small smirk pulls at that beautiful mouth and my heart does a summersault in my chest.

I rise from my chair and make up some excuse about getting a snack as I rush from the room. I don't bother to see if they care. I just need to get out of there before my scent betrays me to everyone. Though it might already be too late for that, hopefully, they're too lost in their drunken antics to notice, or at least care. My feet make their way to the kitchen. I take a deep breath to steady myself, scrubbing my hands over my face. What the hell is wrong with me? Get a grip Elain.

After a few more steadying breaths I head over to the cupboard looking for something to back my excuse to leave. Maybe I should've just dismissed myself for the evening, then I could at least take care of myself in private. I sigh and resign myself to sitting through at least a few more minutes of this torture. I can make it through that.

"Are you alright, Elain?" His voice catches me off guard and I jump, knocking a bag of flour off of the shelf. Az catches it in the air, then reaches past me to place it back where it belongs. I wonder if he can hear the pounding of my heart. "Apologies. I didn't mean to startle you." He says with an amused smile.