Hiraeth

37

MEIAN

"The dark and the light, they exist side by side. Sometimes overlapping, one explaining the other. The darkened path is as illuminated as the lightened." – Raven Davies

Emma has always been a handful.

She puts her life on the line every time.

She's reckless, difficult, stubborn, and rash.

All of the things that put me on edge.

Emma is all of the things that make me feel frustrated, irritated, and enraged. She likes to rush in while I prefer strategizing my way through things. She helps without hesitation while I abandon anyone who isn't of relevance to me. She gets through every dilemma with a smile on her face while I tend to give up as I see fit. I was never the type to be sympathetic. I was never the type to save even those I didn't know.

I was everything that she was not and she was everything I would never become.

She's a saint, I am not.

The life we had was a finished book, and in every page where Emma and I were constructed in the same sentence, it would always somehow end up as a contradiction.

Together, we were a paradox.

A seemingly absurd and self-contradictory statement. Opposites. Her ideals were always antithetical to mine and it always stayed that way. Growing up with Norman and Emma, as best friends, as children who were raised to be like family, it was difficult fitting in. Three different people, who had a different way of seeing the world through their own eyes, who would've thought they'd end up becoming two of the most important people in my life?

Yes, we were opposites. We didn't always see eye to eye, but we balanced each other.

I was okay being who I was, guarded and distant. This was who I chose to become. This was how I wanted to live my life. But just because we had the freedom to choose, doesn't mean that all the choices we make were something we were proud of. The life I chose to live was confusing, traumatic. I was always seeking solitude in things that both interest and not interest me, all because I wanted to know about everything. To be wiser, to be more knowledgeable, to be able to come up with a plan that saves those who matter to me.

Even if that meant sacrificing myself.

It didn't matter after all.

I've cursed the life I lived the moment I was born.

This was okay.

Everything was dark and it stayed that way for years on that farm.

Glimpses of light seeped through every now and then but everything else stayed daft and dim because I allow it and I let it stay that way.

This was okay.

I was ready for this the moment I met those two.

You better live a good life, Emma.

Take care of everyone.

"Bye-bye, Emma."

I thought I had made myself clear. I thought I explained myself enough for her to understand the situation I was in. I was so sure she understood. So, why? Why was I seeing the light now? Why was everything bright? Why was everything clear?

And why was I...relieved?

"Sorry, but neither I nor the others are letting you die."

I already made my choice but she changed it for me herself. She was impossible! I mean, who would even bother saving someone who already chose to die?! Idiot! This is exactly why we would never understand each other's ideals. She was too good for me. She is far more than I'll ever be. She was selfless and kind while I was nothing but selfish and corrupted.