Alexithymia (Aaron Hotchner)

Red

Joanna's pov

I woke up alone in my house and its so quiet. Lonely. Sad even. I hate it. I'm so miserable that I don't go for my run. I just jump in and then out of the shower. Get dressed. Make coffee. Grab my keys. Go to work. I arrived and sit in a parking spot. Thinking. Crying. I feel so stupid. Embarrassed. Hurt. What a great morning for a psych evaluation. I pull himself out of the door and head up.

She asks the same questions everything so I know how to answer to pass. We finished and I'm back sitting at my desk. I'm filling out my reinstatement paperwork and half of Morgan's paperwork he's out sick and Garcia has the other half. Rossi is in his office working probably. Garcia is busy working too in hers. JJ is taking calls in Morgans office for the day. Spence is half asleep at his desk working. As for Hotch he is probably in his office but his blinds for closed so I actually don't know if he's even in. I get up with my files and head over to Spence.

"I'm going to leave these in to Hotch" I say gesturing to my files. "Do you want me to bring yours up?".

"No I haven't got much done yet. I'll bring them all up later". He yawns.

"Ok well when I'm back I'll order food and we can all sit at the round table yeah?".

"Oh yes please". He lift his head.

"Perfect I'll let everyone know". I say smiling.

I put off going to Hotchs first. I was nervous to see him. I walk to Morgan's office to tell her and then to Garcia's. She's buzzing and she's give me the other half of Morgans files to bring to Hotch. I head to Rossi's next he agrees and then I slowly close his door amd head the Hotch's. I take a deep breath and knock quietly. There no answer so I open the door slowly and peek my head in. He's asleep on his couch. Thank god I was not ready for that awkwardness. I tiptoe in and I walk to his desk and put the files down.

Something falls out of one of the files and goes under his desk. I knee and get under the desk when I grab it I go to get back out. I didn't go back far enough and I smash the back of my head against his desk.

"Shit" I try whisper.

"Myers?". I woke up and comes over to me helping me up.

I'm all dizzy and I start giggling. He looks at me confused.

"What are you doing? Did you hit your head?". My pulls me close to check to back of my head. He rubs it gently. It's really nice.

I'm gone all smiley and happy. "We're getting lunch. So tag along friend".

"I think you need a doctor". He smiles.

"I'm fine all I need is to be feed and fucked. Both things you can't help with". I laugh.

His smile and hands drop and he steps back. Then I realize what you said and my smile drops too.

"Anyway bye". I head for the door and I'm out it quickly.

●○●○

We're all sitting together eating lunch and Garcia and Reid are telling everyone about this convention or something there really really excited about. The rest of us just listen and joke and laugh along with them. Dr.Williams walks threw to bullpen and heads for Hotch's. He sees her and excuses himself. He walks out into the hall.

"Dr. Williams sorry I was having lunch". He says walking over to meet her. I can't hear or see them anymore. Its probably my psych eval results. I'm not worried.

JJ joins in with Garcia and Reid. "Ok would this be something Henry would want to go to ? His birthdays coming out and I got him toys but he might fing this cool aswell".

"Aww yes omg me and Spencer will take him". Garcia squeals.

"Oh definitely I mean technically Henry is my into Robots and these are cyclones but-". Reid adds.

"What's a cyclone?".

"Rossi no". I shake my head disappointed. And Reid take off explaining.

Hotch steps in walks to me with my file in his hand. Everyone kepts there focus on Reid.

"Myers we need to go through this".

"Now?". I say putting down my coffee.

"Yes". He walks out.

"I might be awhile". I whispered to JJ

"So might I". She jokes gesturing to Reid.

"Mind my food". I giggle and walk out.

When I reach his door isn't already open so I step in. He comes out from behind me and closes the door. Then locks it. I turn around to face him.

"Is it my psych eval?".

"Yes. You failed".

"I failed ?".

"Sit down" he gestures to the couch but I stay standing. He goes and sits on it. He rests his elbows on his knees and puts the file on the table. I cross my arms.

"What going on. How did I fail?".

He opens the file on the table and reads "When givin the LRD4 scenario Agent Myers said 'I would tell the unsub to shoot me. His target is his a child and husband. Something to live for. I loose nothing if he shoots me'. Agent Myers identifies as suicidal. LRD4 FAILED".

"That's no. That's out of context". I walk over to grab the file and look at it but his hand catches him wrist.

"Suicidal? Something to live for? Are you saying that you have nothing to live for? Nothing?" He looks up at he "NOT ONE PERSON?". He shouts at me clearly hurt.

I fall to my knees beside him crying. He lets go of my wrist and straightens up. Both my hands are on his knee.

"Aaron I'm sorry please I'm so sorry". I cry out.

"You won't be allowed in the field until you've gone to counciling and pass your next eval". He sighs.

I nod weakly and look down taking my hands off his knee. He leans forward and lift my head. He drys my tears.

"Look at me Myers". He says tilting my head. "Joey" he whispers.

And I open my eyes and met his. He hold my head in his hands and gently leans down to kiss me. I kiss him back. Its warm, soft and loving. I move my hand back up to his knee and pulls myself up to straddle him never breaking the kiss. But it becomes more passionate as his tongue slips in.

One of his hands strays from my face down to grip my waist. He tilts my head slightly and starts kissing my neck. I sign heavily with pleasure and he groans with hunger. I feel his bulge grow bigger through my pants. I can feel myself getting more excited and wet for him. He pulls back to look at me. He pulls me into another quick kiss. He tucks my hair back behind my ear.

"We should st-". He starts
"Can we st-". I start.

We giggle. I pull myself up off his lap. He stands up aswell. We stand staring at eachother smiling but he soon loses his.

"We really should talk about everything".

"I'll come over later. Do you have Jack tonight ?".

"No. I'll make you dinner".

I smile at him and walk out and rejoined the team. We chat more and laugh and eventually we go back to work.