Dangerous Desire (Hiatus, not sure when it will return)

4. Gon

I duck and dodge prickly branches as I glide through the thick underbrush. Footsteps sound from all around me, my anxiety intensifying.

In the distance, I spot the outline of a lean, tall boy, with his back towards me. He seems to be staring towards the sunrise.

With tears threatening to escape my eyes, I run towards the boy.

His feathery light hair flows softly in the wind, stained with blood. My eyes widen, realizing who it is.

With my hands flying up to my mouth, the unsettling realization that Killua had been impaled by a sword, and not just any kind of sword. Nobunaga's katana. My stomache lurches, bile making its way up my throat only for me to swallow it back down – or try to.

Nausea overcomes my body, my legs swaying ever so slightly, knees two seconds away from buckling.

His face looked just like Pitou's had years prior when I killed them. Beaten, almost to a pulp, but still hanging in there. Literally.

As my eyes focus more, nausea easing up, I finally see how torn and tattered Killua's clothing is. Covered in blood, sweat, and his own tears.

I choke out a sob, staring into his lifeless porcelain eyes. The same eyes I'd always loved looking into. The light in them had vanished leaving behind a doll looking boy.

I clutch his shoulders, disregarding the ripped skin on them, screaming his name. Over and over again, I repeat his name until my voice gives out.

I yell his name once last time, as if it'd bring him back to me.

"KILLUAAA!"

Another sob escaped my dried lips. Regret fills every fiber of my being, pain coarsing through me.

"Gon! Hey, kid, wake up!"

I lurch forward, grasping at the nothingness in front of me. I take in deep breaths, and look over at the man beside my sleeping bag.

Sweat coats my skin in thick layers, my hands twitching.

"Gon. Are you okay?" Nobunaga asks, though the answer is quite obvious.

"I'm really here, right?" I voice wavers as I speak.

"Indeed." Nobunaga nods.

"The decision..." I begin, gripping the blanket, knuckles turning a pale white.

"I'm going to have to kill him, aren't I?" I gulp, not making eye contact with Nobunaga. My mouth feels dry, and I feel as if I can barely breathe.

He purses his lips, not speaking or doing anything for a moment.

"Not exactly. It depends on whether he interferes with our missions. Though, there's no reason for him to." Nobunaga tries to soothe my worries, and removes my hands from the blanket.

I glance down at my calloused hands, crescent moon shapes had been indented my skin from the applied pressure of my nails. I fiddle with the YoYo in my pocket.

Nobunaga's eyes wander down to the YoYo as he thinks, his eye brows knitted together.

"I can't handle this." I say, voice barely audible.

He looks as if he wants to say a ton of things to me right now, a torn expression on his worry filled face, but he doesn't. Nobunaga awkwardly hugs me to his chest, trying to show me some comfort. I almost break down, knowing that he'd most likely never been shown comfort, and here he is, showing me such sympathy and compassion. He's not a monster like Kurapika thinks.

"You should get ready. We're meeting up with the rest of the troupe in a town called Willumi. I'll explain later." Nobunaga says glancing over his shoulder. He had stiffly stood up, ready to walk.

I nod, clutching onto what was left of my sanity.

I look down at my YoYo once again, a small, pained smile adorning my face.

This was Killua's YoYo. He kept one, and I kept the other. Right before I left with Ging, we'd made a silent promise; we'd see each other again.

Obviously, that promise was to never be fulfilled. The universe hates my guts.

I slip my feet into my black Converses, and put my hoodie on over my head. I suppose I'll just have to keep my mind off of Killua, or the past in general.

The past.

That's all he is. A piece of what was, and what could never be again. Something I should ignore; pretend never existed. Anything up to the point when I met up with Ging on the World Tree should be left in the past.

It was for the best, I concluded whilst trying to style my unruly hair. I give up after the third attempt, sighing. I'd have to try again later.

I meet up with the group when I walk outside. I shove my hands into my pockets, frowning, and glancing around.

Machi looks bored, as per usual, with a hint of annoyance on her face. She seemed to be pissed off at Nobunaga.

"It's not my fault." Nobunaga mutters as he begins to walk, the rest of us trailing behind.

"It's your fault that those pesky Hunters saw Gon and you! Now we have to take detours. This mission was supposed to be easy." Machi snaps, pointing her index finger accusingly at Nobunaga.

Nobunaga huffs, running his fingers through his long, dark hair.

I could tell he didn't want to argue with her.

"I didn't know they'd uncovered the body. How was I supposed to know someone would get suspicious? It's bizarre." Nobunaga mumbles as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

Machi makes a 'tch' noise and crosses her arms over her chest. She sneaks hostile glances in my direction, glaring.

I stare down at my feet, already guessing that they'd been talking about what happened at the station and on the train. It truly hadn't been Nobunaga's fault. It was my mistake – I should've been more aware.

Usually, I am aware. More so than I'd like to admit.

Lately though, it's been hard. Can't really concentrate when my mind is filled to the brim with thoughts of him.

I must've zoned out for quite some time because when I snap back to reality, the group and I are standing at the entrance of a small town.

I grip the straps on my backpack, anxiety coarsing through my veins, whilst I try to calm myself. It's been a while since I've had human contact.

The town is quiet, yet beautiful, filled with its own uniqueness. Flowers adorn most windows on each of the small houses. The houses have the resemblance of a cottage. Warm and cozy.

This would be the perfect place to stay. For a moment, just a mere one, my mind is empty. Filled with nothing but admiration, and hope. Hope that one day I'd be freed from these shackles holding me down. The very shackles keeping me chained to the troupe in this never ending nightmare.