When I woke up my heart sank. Today I had to face all my class mates. Today I had school. Without Lily.
I checked my Instagram feed. I had three DM's. one from a girl in my school called Jess, she was saying why I wasn't replying to her texts. The next one was from my cousin, she wanted to know how it happened, how Lily died. The final one was from Lucy, she was asking if I was OK and if I wanted to talk about it.
I ignored them all and left for school, my headphones on as if to say 'don't talk to me'.
The dread that filled me made the 10 minute walk to school seem like a life time, but unfortunately that lifetime past and I arrived outside the school gates. I had never enjoyed walking through them but they had also never seemed as menacing as today. they seemed so frightful and cold I thought my heart had turned to ice.
Never before had I noticed teachers patrolling the gate eyeing everyone around- making sure nobody decides not to attend.
I walk slowly up the drive and into tutor. "Tara!" my tutor said sarcastically "you decided to show up after all" I feel my eyes tearing up. why was the entire world against me? What had I done wrong?
"Leave her alone you old sh*t bag"
I turned to see who had defended me It was Lucy. at least someone was on my side.
"Lucy Bennett you little...."
"I'm sorry miss but Lucy has a point, Tara is going through real crap at the moment and you just hurt her even more and believe me she doesn't need that" this time it was Liam a cute, popular boy!
Hang on how does he know what happened?
Thoughts buzz through my head over and over. miss Brisbane, my tutor, stands there in shock.
"Miss my sister committed suicide. Do you want me to go too? Because your harsh words may not do much but they still dent me that little bit more"
To be honest I have no idea where either that confidence or those words came from.
"Tutor dismissed" she announces an shoos us out of the class room. I leave the room smirking knowing that even with this newly found anxiety sometimes takes over my life, there's still part of the old me that sometimes bursts out when I'm angry.
