Leave Your Lover

Chapter Eighteen

Dalawang oras na si Carson sa operating room pero wala pa rin silang balita kung ano ng nangyayari sa loob. Naroon na si Nay Kamil at si Tay Jeron pati na ang kapatid niyang si Conan na kasalukuyang itnern doon, pero kahit ilang beses sabihin ni Nay Kamil na magiging maayos rin ang lahat, hindi siya matatahimik hanggat walang lumalabas na doctor doon para sabihing ligtas na ang asawa nya.

Jusmaine was turned in to the police by his staff. Hindi na siya sumama roon dahil kailangan siya ni Carson sa hospital. Few moments later, Van was there together with Carson's parents. Tinanong siya ng mga ito kung anong nangyari pero wala siyang naisagot.

He was blaming himself for what happened and he's so ashamed to tell them. Wala siyang ibang nararamdaman ng mga sandaling iyon kung hindi ang takot. Takot na baka huli na para sa kanilang dalawa ni Carson at takot na baka ilayo na ito ng mga magulang sa kanya sa oras na malaman nila ang totoo.

"Who shot her?" It was van. Carson's parents are talking to his and he cornered him for interogation. His eyes are stern, and his voice is mad. He knew right there that he fucked up and chaos is about to happen. Bumagsak ang luha niya. Van knows everything and there's no point in lying. He answered truthfully and everyone was appalled when he punched him in the face. He deserved that. He fell on the floor and cried like a baby. Hindi siya tinigilan ni Van. He kicked him on the ribs before he pulled him by his colar.

"Putang ina ka! Ano na namang ginawa mo!" Another punch was about to land on him but his brother managed to pushed Van on the wall.

"Ano bang problema, bakit kayo nag-aaway?" Conan yelled.

"Babae ni CJ ang bumaril kay Carson! It was his fault! She's on that table because of this asshole! Bitiwan mo ko, putang ina! Papatayin ko 'yan!" He can't say anything. He was numbed. His life was falling apart before his eyes and he can't do anything about it. Hindi niya kayang ipagtanggol ang sarili dahil tama si Van. It was his fault, he should have take a bullet for her but he didn't. He should have been a better husband because she deserves nothing but the best but he choose to cheat right on her face.

Carson's father was about to do the same but to everyone's surprise, Tay Jeron stepped in. He was the one who beat the shit out of him and Nay Kamil did nothing.

"Wala ka na ba talagang gagawing tama!" His father yelled while punching him. Conan tried to pull him away but his strength was nothing to the wrath of their father. He died seeing Nay Kamil stared at him with blank eyes while tears are cascading from her eyes. He had disappointed her once again.

There he realized that he will never redeem himself. Baka nga tama sila, hindi na talaga siya magbabago. That no matter how much he tried, he would never change because that's who he is. He's a failure.

Conan tried to cover him. Ito ang sumalo ng ilan sa mga suntok na dapat para sa kanya kung kaya't napilitang tumigil si 'Tay Jeron.

Ang akala niya tapos na ang lahat ng gabing iyon pero may mas ikadudurog pa pala ang buong pagkatao niya.

The doctor came out of the operating room and said Carson was safe but the baby didn't make it.

She was pregnant. That explains the crazy cravings for fruit pies, the long naps and the way she was annoyed with the sound Van makes while slurping the pasta.

She' s pregnant for fuck's sake and they lost the baby because of him.

--

It's been a week and he didn't hear from his parents since then. Inilaban niya sa mga magulang ni Carson na siya ang mag-uuwi dito dahil siya ang asawa, siya ang dapat na mag-alaga. Mahigpit ang pagtutol ng biyenan niyang lalaki pero sumang ayon ang asawa nito kaya wala ng nagawa.

When Carson woke up in a hospital bed, she was so glad he was next to her. She even hug him tighly and smother him with kisses. He thought they were fine. Nabuhayan siya ng pag-asa na magiging maayos ang lahat. But everything changed when she learned about the baby.

She was devastated and he does too. Walang oras na hindi niya inisip kung paano kaya sila kung hindi nila nalaman ang pagbubuntis ni Carson sa ganoong sitwasyon. What would it be like to wake up in middle of the night just to find a food she was craving for. Was it a girl? A boy? Would they call it baby pie since Carson craved pies the most? There was so many what ifs, his mind is restless.

Carson did nothing but cry. She never blame him, she never throw a fit. In fact she never told him a single word and it's killing him day by day, knowing she's hurting. She would talk to him about random things like what does he want for dinner but she can't even look at him in the eye and it hurts so fucking much.

Kung kaya niya lang akuin lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ni Carson. Kung kaya niya lang ibalik ang panahon. He would die for her and their child that moment just to save them both but he can't. He fucked up real bad and there's no way he could make it up to her.

"Have you seen the results?" He tried to open up a conversation because the awkward silence is killing him. Ngayong araw lumabas ang results ng board exams. He have checked it and she did great. Top eight. He was so proud of her but it felt so wrong to celebrate.

Carson put the aglia olio platter on the table together with the garlic bread cause they were about to have dinner. Naupo ito sa tabi niya bago sumagot, hindi pa rin siya matingnan sa mga mata.

"Yeah. Top eight." She replied dryly. Para bang walang nakamamangha sa sinabi.

CJ swallow the invisible lump on his throat. "So what's the plan? Do you want to apply for a job right away or--"

"Mama's bestfriend offered me a job." Carson cuts in and for the first time since the hospital, she managed to look him in the eye. There were sadness in them, anxiousness, worry. "In Canada."

"What?"

"Tita Loida, Mama's bestfriend in Canada. Uhm, she's a head nurse there and she manage to pulled some strings. They want me there despite the lack of experience." Carson said urgently. Para bang nakapagdesisyon na at wala na siyang pwede pang sabihin. He felt a tight squeeze in his chest, like his heart was about to ripped into pieces.

He knew one of these days she's gonna leave him because he have hurt her so badly and there's no fucking way he could ever redeemed himself but he didn't thought it was so soon he didn't had time to prepare.

"You accepted the job? What about us?" Iyon lang ang kaya niyang sabihin.

"We need space, CJ." She said with voice cracking. Namumuo na naman ang mga luha sa mata nito at hindi niya iyon kayang tingnan. He hate it so much that he's the one causing her pain and he can't do anything to take it back.

"Are you blaming me? Tell it to me now." Itinulak niya ang pinggan palayo sa kanya dahil nawalan na siya ng ganang kumain. He wanted to hear everything coming out of her mouth. He wanted to punish himself. He wanted to hear those words that will ripped his soul hoping that it will somehow eases the pain she was feeling.

"Was there anyone else to blame?" She was now crying. "It wasn't Jusmaine's fault. Yes, she's may be inlove with you but all of this will never happened if you just remained faithful to me! You ruined everything and you hurt me so badly. We lost the baby because of you and I loathe you for that." She broke down in front of him and all he could do was to stare at her. It was the end of his world, end of the future he have dreamt of with Carson in it. "I love you CJ, but I can never forgive you and that makes this marrige done."

The moment she left the table, he knew right there she's completely walking out of his life and that makes him so dead inside.