Fate Fell Short

Chapter Twenty Three

 Chapter Twenty Three

           With my back against the headboard and my knees curled up to my chest I hugged myself, unable to fall asleep. It was dark, the only light came from the moon that filtered in through my window, the curtains were drawn and the stars twinkled innocently down at me. My mind backtracked to Emma’s attempts to calm me down, I told her to go away, to leave me alone, I also remembered the hurt expression flitting across her face as she stopped her desperate attempts and slowly edged out of the room, worry in her eyes.

I didn’t mean to, I was crumbling to pieces and I didn’t need anyone to witness it, was that so bad? Of course it was. I squeezed my eyes shut, of course it was.

Just what happened here? I leaned my head back, too much.

The fight and that punch I threw today, I mentally paled, what was I thinking? Punching her? It was such a stupid thing to do, I might get killed tomorrow. And that whole thing with Jayden today, the warehouse and ice-cream, it made me feel alive, made me feel worth something, made me feel warm and buttery inside. Then mother showed up at home, with Chase out of all people. She paid attention to me, asked me about school, smiled at me, willingly spoke to me, made me feel okay for a while but bitter all the same.

And Chase being here at this house brought back memories that tumbled over each other, memories of when I first had butterflies swarm my stomach and discovered the feeling of love. It made me wonder what happened, made memories unfold again. I didn’t like it because I liked those memories.

Chase and my mum interacting like they always have did a number on me, even back then my mother was just the same towards me but when she caught wind of Chase and I she showered me with attention and whenever he was around, her undivided attention went to him and I was okay with that, as long as she was happy with my choices.

But it was different now, I’ve founded a new hate, a hate that I loathe, a hate towards my mother and I didn’t even know when it happened. It pained me, made my heart squeeze uncomfortably in my chest.

I lifted my hand in front of my face, examining the bracelet wrapped around my wrist; the silver glinted weakly in the pale light. It was so tempting, I can make it go away, I can find my release but this piece of metal stopped me, there were still several spots on my skin that were clean, I could open up new wounds so they wouldn’t notice.

There was a blinking of light followed by a loud ring that sounded from on top of my desk which caught my attention, I dropped my hand and stared at the table curiously, did I imagine it?

Another flash and tone.

I got up, Obsidian stirred as I disturbed the bed but he didn’t wake up, he was curled up on one of my covers that was pushed to the side. I fumbled around the table for a while when I discovered my phone lying there. I picked it up and saw that I had two new messages, I unlocked my phone, it was a Whatsapp message, I didn’t have Whatsapp… and it was from Jayden.

‘I can’t sleep, can you’ he says and then adds ‘?’

I wandered back to my bed as I stared blankly at the screen; I glanced up and saw that it was about 3am. Was this what he was doing with my phone earlier? Why was he awake at this time anyway?

Another tune played as a new message appeared.

Jayden: ‘I can see that you’re online you know, what’s wrong?’

Me: ‘Nothing.’

Jayden: ‘You can tell me’

A little emotion rang through me and I didn’t feel like answering, was it really just me that felt that awful air around us?