12
I fell asleep. When I woke up, I saw Lorcan sitting in the ground facing me. Leander, who became my pillow is still here. He didn't leave me, alam kong manhid na ang hita niya.
"Leander, I'm sorry." minasahe ko pa ang hita nyang hinigaan ko pero bago pa tumagal iyon ay tumayo na siya.
"Whoo! It's okay, I'm okay with it." he said, smiling. I remembered what happened earlier.
I look at Lorcan who's looking at me too. His eyes were dark, parang gusto nyang manuntok sa mga titig nya. Maldita at tahimik ako pero bigla akong natakot sa mukha niya.
I saw how his face softened, pakiramdam ko'y nabasa niya ang expression ko.
"Hindi na tayo nakapunta sa library, sa burol nalang daw tayo. Doon sa gusto mo." bigla syang nag iwas ng tingin, I don't know.
I like it when he talk like a cute little boy. But now, he looks like a scary lion, it feels like he's Dad.
Napatingin naman ako kay Leander na nakikinig lang sa amin.
"Uh... Wanna join us for dinner? Malapit lang naman dito." I asked him, I should pay him for letting me sleep in his thigh.
"Wala rin naman akong gagawin, is it okay?" I nodded, tumayo na ako tsaka inabot ang kamay kay Lorcan.
Tumitig muna sya roon bago ako tinanggap ang kamay ko. Tinulungan ko lang naman syang tumayo. Why do my heart need to beat faster?
Should I avoid him? No, I think I can't. Just what the fuck?
Tinanong ko pa kung saan yung dalawa at sinabi ni Lorcan na nauna na sila. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ang tingin sa akin ni Lorcan. Wala naman siguro akong ginagawang masama.
"Bakit parang na o awkward-an kayo sa akin?" I asked when they both looked away when I looked at them.
"Uh... Hindi, masarap lang yung hangin." Leander answered.
"Huh? You should feel awkwardness," Lorcan tsked.
"Ano ba?"
"Sorry."
I raised my eyebrow, I can't understand. Wait did they?
"Did you kissed?" they both stopped walking. They look at me with confusion.
"We did what?" they both asked.
"You know... Kissed?"
"Ano ba namang utak yan, Calithea!" napaatras ako nang isigaw nya ang pangalan ko. He's really annoyed.
"I was just asking!" I shouted back. "if you're annoyed, then tell us your reasons! Ayaw kong sinisigawan." malakas na sabi ko tsaka umuna na.
I heard them calling me but ignoring them is easy. They should watch their words, my rank is fuckin higher than theirs.
"Eyow! Twenty minutes ago noong sinabi nyong nasa baba na kayo." umupo lang ako tsaka sinimulang gumawa ng kung ano. "badtrip ka ah! Namiss kita tapos di mo ako papansinin?"
"Andito na si Calithea?" I heard Lorcan.
"Kararating lang lover boy."
Nag usap sila ng nag usap. I don't even care about it. I just finished the chocolate then did something to make myself busy.
"Hoy KJ! Tanga, laro tayo."
Tumaas ang kilay ko, ano naman laro?
"Spin the bottle tapos magtatanong then kapag hindi nasagot iinom ng alak. Wala pa namang pasok bukas."
"Lame."
"Sige na!"
Nagbilog sila, they spin the bottle. Ang unang ikit ay tumutok kay Freas.
"Truth."
"Bakit ka natulog sa bahay nila Calithea?"
"Ayokong umuwi." diretsong sagot nya kay Eveione.
Nung sumunod ay kay Leander tapos kay Eve, nakailang tanong at inom pa sila ng alak nang tumuro sa akin ang bote.
"Bakit mo nilaro yung daliri ni Leander? Kakaselos ah." sabi ko na eh, palaging curious tong putanginang ito.
"Mom." I just said, nakita ko namang nilahad ni Freas ang kamay nya.
"Ako naman,"
"I'm not even excited."
"Sa susunod na yan, baka magwala si Lover Boy." tumatawang sabi ni Eveione.
"Lover boy?"
"Wala yon."
Napatingin ako kay Lorcan na kanina pa tahimik, hindi ko alam pero parang ayaw nyang magsalita. Inom lang sya ng inom ng alak, ni wala syang sinagot na tanong sakanya.
"Am I that really lucky?" Leander spoked.
"Yea,"
Nang matapos ay lasing na sina Freas at Evione, even Leander can't fucking stand. Inayos ko ang kinalat namin tsaka nilagay iyon sa tent na dinala nila. They decided to sleep in here, handang handa.
"San ka matutulog?" I asked Lorcan, dalawa lang kasi ang kayang ukupahin noong isa. Yung isa naman ay sa amin ni Eveione.
"Bakit mo pa kasi inaya yan?" Turo nya kay Leander na natutulog na.
"What's the matter? Baka nga naghalikan kayo habang tulog ako."
"Kadiri naman, Calithea." I laughed, yea. "Bakit mo sya kasama kanina?" he then asked.
"Nilapitan nya lang ako kanina," I remembered that scene earlier. The girl even kissed him. I found myself playing with my fingers again.
"Bakit dika lumayo?"
"Bakit parang ayaw mo sakanya?"
"Hindi naman sa ganon. It's just like..." he even gestured his hands. "nevermind."
"He wanna be my friend."
"Gusto mo?" tumango ako, so I can play with his hands. "Sige," he even mumbled something. It's not clear.
Matagal pa akong tumitig sa mukha nya bago napagdesisyunang mag iwas ng tingin. Thoughts filled my mind again, what if he really likes her? What if he just said that he's not into young girls to protect her?
Simula noong tanggapin ko ang nararamdaman ko'y lagi nalang akong nag ooverthink. The girl is beautiful , me even being a princess have insecurities. Maybe it's because I didn't have a boyfriend before, I'm new to this.
I'm becoming a soft girl day by day. And I hate it, I hate being that soft girl again. The soft and understanding little girl who trust everybody, who smiles at everyone, who cares for the people around her. It sucks, it sucks being that soft girl who trusted a person, a person who killed my mother.
"Wanna play with my hands?" I look at Lorcam, he's offering me his hands.
My heart knows how much I wanna play with his hands, fingers. I got excited, I immediately get his hands and played with it.
His palm is soft, parang hindi sya nagta trabaho. His fingeres were smooth, I like it.
"Bat ganyan mukha mo? Nakabusangot ka ba? Makalyo ba? Nakakahiya naman." sunod sunod ang tanong nya na nakapagpatawa sa akin.
He cares about his hands, I like it. No, I like him.
"No, It's okay. Parang mas malambot pa nga ang kamay mo sa akin." nakangiti paring sabi ko. Itinuloy ko ang paglalaro sa mga daliri nya hanggang sa makaramdam ako ng antok.
Ang saya nya kasama, I wish I am his girl. Pag hindi natupad, edi pipilitin.
I am mentally laughing at my own thought. Pipilitin? Nice idea, Calithea Aideen Altavista.
"Lorcan Weas Quinn." banggit ko sa buong pangalan nya, napatingin sya sa akin.
"Bakit?" umiling lang ako tsaka pumasok sa kotse, I decided to sleep in there.
"Bakit ka nandito?" tanong ko nang makitang pumasok si Lorcan. "You should sleep in there."
"Tabi na tayo, ayokong katabi si Freas at yung Leander. Ambabaho nila." mahinang sabi nya bago sinandal ang likod sa passenger seat. Nasa drivers seat ako.
Inayos ko ang sarili ko, nag isip ng kung ano ano para patulugin ang sistema ko. Should I say good night? But I think it's already one o'clock. Should I?
"Good night with a good morning." he said.
|i n k n i t e|
