Little Too Much

Chapter 8 - Dawn of Shawn

A few weeks later the guys got together for a vine shoot. Aaron begged me to be in it with them, but i refused very firmly. I think i'm really ugly, so that's a pretty great reason not to want to be on screen. I was sitting in a corner nearby watching them do their magic. They truly were the best boys in the world. Shawn, known for being the innocent one, wasn't really interested in vining much that day anyway. He'd been focusing a little more on his music anyhow. He seemed to notice me in the corner away from the crowd.

He smiled at me. 

I smiled back.

He waved at me.

I turned my head to the side and hunched my back, making myself as small as possible. I was trying to disappear. Shawn apparently couldn't take a hint. He walked over to me. I looked up when he was standing right in front of me. Boldly, he demanded in a cheerful way, "You must tell me why you are sitting in this corner when you could be having fun with us instead.

I gulped, "i well i - um- I don't always like smiling."

"I wish i could give you a reason to smile then and forget that you don't like it."

"Thanks, Shawn."

"Did someone scare you over here? If it was Nash i'll kick his butt."

"Oh, ha - um - but, no. I just, well - i just like being alone."

"Always?"

"Uh, yeah. At least, for the most part."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No, uh, please don't. Its just....well, i'm not really used to people wanting to be around me, or even tolerating me."

"Everyone here loves you though! Cameron is always telling us how cute you are, Nash thinks you're funny, the rest of the boys think you're pretty and sweet, and you've got Julie. Plus, Aaron's always raving about you and how unique and special you are."

"Yeah, well that's sort of why i'm here and not back in Rhode Island."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm here because the people that hate me are in Rhode Island. Everyone there does, everyone that is except for Julie and Emma. Emma sent me here to be surrounded by new people, hoping they'd like me somehow."

"Somehow? Come on, Athalia! Everyone thinks you're the coolest! I think..."

"What do you think?"

"I think you're beautiful and caring. It seems like everyone you know means a lot to you and you'd do anything to be with them, but you're really afraid they don't want you. I don't understand that."

"Do you want to?"

"Well, uh, yeah! Lay it on me!"

"In short, my family and friends blame me for killing my dad."

"Whoa, Athalia that sucks. Do you believe them?"

"Yes - no - maybe. In the end, yes. I was driving and it's my fault we wrecked."

"You don't really believe that do you?"

"Well i mean my dad was the last to touch the steering wheel but no one cares."

"i don't think it was your fault. But knowing all that explains the cuts."

"You saw?"

"I - uh - no, i didn't. I guessed. Aaron told us guys you were depressed and to make sure we were extra cheery around you, not that it took much acting. Who couldn't be nice around you? And i guess it all just didn't make sense what with you wearing jeans and sweaters and stuff all the time. Well, i just kinda put the pieces together."

"Is it that obvious?"

"No, it's not. I tend to take the time to watch people. The more i watched, the more i saw you flinching when people touched you and you tugging at your sleeves."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. You've got nothing to be sorry for. I should be the sorry one. You want a lemonade?"

"I'm more of an Arizona girl?"

"O2L?"

"Yeah...."

"Well, Arizona it is!"

He took me by the hand, laced our fingers even, and dragged embarrassed little me to the kitchen and the fridge. Sure, i was flattered but also confused. How could a boy like him even see a lonely, empty girl like me? But i didn't try and get away. I was enjoying being held. It was a sensation i'd missed since Julie went home. And guys hands are always so different and warm. 

That night... no cuts! Sure, i was confused and everything but Shawn made me want to be better. So did Aaron, but that didn't sink in until just today when Shawn was so nice. I was determined to try and chill it with the self harm.... for them. And i felt pretty selfish for doing it even when i'd met Magcon. Tonight, i didn't deserve it. Tonight, i wanted to cherish being enjoyed and held even if it was only for a few moments. 

It was 11:48 when i texted Shawn: Thanks...

Yes, it was late, but he had probably just crawled in bed like me. He texted back at 11:51: Your welcome...