what is wrong with me?

Hi, my names Lila Phillips, I'm 16, I live southern Brisbane in Queensland Australia, oh I'm a vampire who can read people's minds. I know what you're thinking "what a loon. She should be in a mental intitution." Hey, I'm not lying. I'll tell you what happened.




All right so I was walking home one day when I ran into this super cute guy from school. And I'm not exactly the popular type. I have some friends but we are all into like emo hairstyles and goth music and shit like that. So when this popular kid started talking to me I was so surpised. But when we had a conversation everything just kinda you know. Died an unnatural death. He was the most boring person to talk too. He's only popular because he can play foot ball. But anyways when he finally shut his gob I walked away it was about and I didn't have to be home till about two. So as I was walking to my friend, Jakes house so I could have a few drinks and shit. And when I got there no one was home so I left to have a smoke. Hey, don't judge me, I was a under a lot of pressure. Back to the story, I saw Jake and went to him and he had a bong and offered me some so I had to say yes so I wouldn't seem like a prude. So we stoned and we started making out. Now we had been friends for ages and had made out quite a few times but he had a girlfriend and I hated her so naturally I asked him if be wanted a blow job so that he would dump her. He said yes and after wards we got hit and heavy. I'm not a virgin so I wasn't scared and neither was he. Everyone in our group has had sex with eachother. That's how you get initiated. So my first was actually lestat, well that's his alias his real name is Lester. And I was his first as well then I had sex with Jake then abbey. Oh I'm bi sexual. Then Sarah, lissa and Jake again. But when me and Jake were having sex this time he felt cold and dead and he was about to climax something passed through me and I felt weird. I just thought nothin of it. The next morning my mum was talking to me but I heard what she was thinking. And knowing your mum thinks a "low-life slut" is not a vey good feeling. But when I got to school I figured out a lot of the boys want to screw me and the girls hate me because their boy friends want screw me. But they only do because they think I'm a slut with no morals. Granted I am a slut but I do have morals. I refuse to do the whole "2 girls 1 cup" thing. Ugh, I gagged when I watched that. But when I went to ask Jake about it he said that he had passed on a power to me. A power to read and know people's thoughts. At first I thought it was pretty cool but as the day went on I found out so many of my friends wish they were me ease they think I'm beautiful and skinny When I'm just the opposite. I'll describe myself- I have medium length black hair which is dyed black, I'm 174 cm tall. I'm a size 14 in shirt and a size 12 in pants. My stomach is 76 cm in diameter and my thighs are 64 cm. I have pimples all over my face and body. I have medium size boobs and is still haven't hit puberty. So my boob problem should be solved soon but other than that I'm ugly and fat. I Starve my self and cut my self. The longest I've gone without eating was 5 1/2 days and the longest I've gone without cutting myself was 3 days. I have bulimia and have been struggling with depression for the 2 years. But only Jake and Lila know and they only know because Jake saw my cuts on my leg and Lissa knows because she helped me when I first started cutting. Oh well, too late now. But when I try to stop I think of everyone who has ever bullied me. All right. Im about to say something really personal. When I was about 13 I thought my mums boyfriend was going to rape me because he stuck his tongue down my throat and he slaps my arse in public. But when I told him not to slap my arse he would start to cry and would say "I would never to anything to harm you!" but I still freaked out. Anyway that's how I started cutting myself. And it left me screwed up! But yeah, he left my mum cause he was cheating on her when I was in grade 10. What a sleaze bag. But me and mum pretty well after that, I mean we were always close since I am an only child, but we started I be a lot more closer. She even stopped thinking if me as a low-life slut. Any ways, when I told lissa about the whole me and jake thing an how I could now read minds, she freaked! She thought it was so amazing that I had this special power! The about a week later, Abbbey came to my house cause my mum was gone for 3 months Oma business trip so everyone was staying at my place, but she told me that Jake had dumped his girlfriend and was going to ask me out! I was so excited but nervous at the same time because I had been lost in love with jake for almost a year an a half now but I was also really nervous because a few days ago me and Sarah hooked up and we did all kinds of shit. It was just me and her at my house right, and her girlfriend just dumped her and I was a little horny so I started to rub on her thigh. I was so happy she didn't push my hand away. So I started to rub her clit and she started moaning, so I jumped on her and started humping her. Like the slow sensual type of humping. And u went down on her and she orgasmed. Bur after wards we were making out for 3 hours until lissa came over. She saw us and promised not to tell anyone. But then all three of us fucked! Anyways, me and Sarah afterwards were being all cute and shit and later that might we hoped up again but she went down on me! So I now have all these feeling for Sarah and I don't know what to do. Later that night I had a huge party.. Everyone from school came over, including Jake and Sarah! Jake brought $500 worth of weed and Sarah brought $500 worth of speed and there was alcohol and cigarettes so we were all high and drunk. Long story short we had a threesome. Now we are all together in an open relationship! But during the threesome Jake said to me to meet him at a park the next day, so I went, not thinking anything of it. But when I went to that park he was a broody and depressive. I asked him what was wrong but e ran over to me and bit me. I was so scared that I ran away and left him standing there. When I reached home I had a craving for something, but i didn't know what. I arrived home later that might and I saw lissa and abbey on the couch watching NCIS. Since they were both high, I it's walked past the and went straight into my bedroom. On my bed I saw Lesat (Lester), going through my old journal that I had written when I first entered our cult. Now, the reason I joined was because me and Lester were really close at the time and we fucked and somehow I got initiated. When he saw me he looked up and ran towards me. He the ran up to me, picked me up and threw me on the bed. We then started to get hot and heavy, long story short, we did it. I then told him abut ch t happened at the park, but when I told him, he looked scared, like he knew a big secret and I wasn't meant I know. He then explained to me what was happening to me. I got so freaked out that I ran straight to Sarah's house.