Very Scary...In the Green Room with a Bachelorette..

Getting on the syndicated television series ''The Wake Up Call'' was considered a huge coup. It was extremely difficult to be selected to be on the show even though it started at six in the morning and ended at nine.

People had told Herschell that the best time to be on was early because people left and went to work by nine o'clock. He was scheduled for a segment at six-fifteen, which seemed pretty good.

When he entered the television station at five-thirty (it was early, but he wasn't complaining)he was met by a young man named Ernesto, who gave him a badge with his name on it and escorted him to hair and makeup.

There was all kinds of activity happening in the makeup room. Two women were working on a woman they were fawning over. Herschell was shown a seat and they basically ignored him. He didn't mind staring at himself in the tall makeup mirror, but he thought it was strange that the staff didn't spend one second doing anything with him. He tried not to eavesdrop but he couldn't help himself.

''So, tell us Ashley, was Hank as virile as he seemed on screen? We couldn't believe it when you went on your horseback ride, and he jumped off his horse and led you to his special place, his cabin in the woods. We almost fainted when he asked you to help him with the construction and he pulled his shirt off to carry wood. What a body. We couldn't imagine being with him and not wanting to drop everything and getting it on. It must have been so hard on you to behave yourself. Tell us the truth, what was he like? What happened when the cameras left and you spent the night with him in that beautiful rustic setting. We bet it must have killed the other girls. The next morning when you came out of the cabin you were both smiling and holding hands. Yet when it was time to give you the key to his heart at the key ceremony, he didn't do it. Can you give us the inside scoop?'' Ashley looked around the room and for the first time noticed Herschell sitting in the chair beside her. ''I could but the show makes us sign a non-disclosure agreement. If we were alone, it would be different, but there is someone else here, so I don't feel comfortable releasing any more information, besides, I have to hold on to some things for my interview this morning.''

Both of the hair and makeup people looked at Herschell with disdain. It was like he had sabotaged or ruined their party. A woman came into the room and looked at Sandra and Barbie the hair and makeup team. ''We have other guests arriving in the next few minutes, how are you doing with Ashley and Herschell.

They grinned, Ashley is amazing and we're almost done. The Producer looked at Herschell. ''What about our other guest?'' Both women looked downcast, ''we'll get to him in a minute. He doesn't have any hair, so we just have to do some touch-ups. We wanted to make sure Ashley looked perfect. She will be ready for her six twenty-five appearance.'' The Producer put her thumb up and walked away.

Another woman was led into the makeup room by Ernesto. ''Ladies this is Joannie LeCastro, she'll be on at six forty-five, she is the founder of LeCastro Lingerie. Please look after her.'' The two women stopped as did Ashley and they immediately started warmly welcoming her to the show. Ashley raised her voice. ''Oh my Gawd, I can't believe I'm meeting you, how wild is this. When I was with Hank at his romantic cabin, I put on your Sexy Sexy Lingerie. It worked perfectly.'' All the women laughed. Herschell felt like a ham sandwich at a Bar Mitzvah.

The huge clock on the wall was reading five-fifty. ''Ashley you're so beautiful. We'll come and check you out before your interview. The green room is just down the hall, you can't miss it. See you later.''

Ashley got off the seat and walked past Herschell and stopped at Joannie. ''I am so glad I'm on the show today, just to meet you.'' Joannie smiled. ''Let's talk later and I'll hook you up with more lingerie.'' The Hair and Makeup women motioned for Joannie to sit where Ashley had been sitting. Herschel was seriously thinking about leaving and going to the green room without any touch-ups. He was feeling like a cuckold. It was crazy, he was invisible.

Once Joannie was seated, Barbie the taller of the two hair and makeup people came over to him. ''So what are you on the show for?'' Herschell started telling her about the egame he had created, and she looked at him. ''Good Luck there are thousands of those games, I find them boring.'' Herschell wasn't quite sure how to respond. His game ''Crossing the Bluff'' was getting all kinds of positive press and player feedback. The fact he was going on The Wake Up Call to discuss the game contradicted what she was saying.

Barbie was towering over him. ''So, I have to dust your head or you'll be giving off a shine. Do you want to wear foundation, you're kind of pale, I guess that's an occupational hazard.'' Herschell declined the makeup. ''Okay, you're done, the green room is just down the hall. You're so lucky, Ashley is in there and you get a chance to talk with her.'' Barbie turned around and dove into a conversation with Joannie about the most comfortable lingerie she owned. Herschell stood up and meandered down the hall.

Ashley was sitting on a couch in the green room. She was sipping a coffee and had a bagel on a plate beside her. ''Hi, you were the guy in the makeup room. Are you on the show today?'' Herschell was confused, why would he be in hair and makeup if he wasn't going to be on the air. ''Yup, I'm a guest, just like you.'' Ashley laughed ''I don't think so, I'm a Bachelorette.''

Herschel detected some weird ego and really didn't want to engage in conversation but he was intrigued. ''Did you have some wild engagement party for a friend?'' Ashley looked at him like he had just fallen off a turnip truck. ''You don't know what a Bachelorette is? You don't recognize me. I had the famous scene with Hank and Velma. I am a star of reality television.''

Herschell took a quick look at the app on his phone showing usage on his game. He was up to three million players. ''I'm a cord-cutter, I don't watch much TV, can you explain the concept of the show.''

Ashley was stunned. ''I can't believe it, you're pulling my leg, I was just on TMZ three weeks ago. I might go on Survivor. Come on. There's a show where a Single man chooses his life partner from thirty different women. We all compete for his attention. Hank and I had a hot showmance, but he didn't want to go all the way with me. He chose other women to capture the key to his heart. When it gets to the final he can propose to one of those women.''

Herschell looked at his clock, he would mercifully be on the air in ten minutes. ''Uh, I don't get it. One guy and thirty women, isn't that kind of an orgy?'' Ashley turned red-faced. ''No, no it's not like that, Hank keeps dating the women one on one and chooses his soul mate. There are some group dates at the beginning, but nobody's sleeping with anyone, that comes later.''

Herschell stood up and stretched. ''So the guy can fool around with thirty different women at the same time and none of the women care? Yech, it's like Caligula without being so graphic.'' Ashley shook her head, ''California has nothing to with it. It's about true love. I thought Hank and I would get married but that night in his romantic cabin everything changed.''

The Production Assistant came into the green room. ''Mr. Ostrepeller, we're ready to take you on the set and mike you up. Your segment will be six minutes long and you'll be talking with Laurie Fridham.''

Herschell got ready to leave and he stopped for a second. ''Uh, we have never met, but if I could give you a word of advice. Ashley nodded. ''Your a very attractive woman who seems genuinely nice. Being on a reality show to try and grab some guy's heart seems fake. If you just do what you love, you'll find your soulmate. I don't think you need a show to compete against other women to find your life partner, that sounds so humiliating. I am sure guys would love to meet you, you don't need to basically throw yourself at anybody. Anyways I've gotta go, wishing you much success and happiness.'' With that, he exited the green room and headed for the set.

Barbie the hairdresser came into the green room. Ashley was sitting on the couch watching the interview between Herschell and Laurie Fridham. ''Looks like that game guy is having a good interview with Laurie.'' Ashley stood up and paced a little bit. ''I don't like that guy, he had the nerve to criticize my show.'' Barbie looked indignant. ''What a jerk, everybody knows Key to the Heart is the best show on television. Who doesn't want to know about people finding love?'' Ashley took one more sip of her coffee and set it on an end table. ''According to game guy, some person named California.''