The Nomad [Sons of Anarchy Fanfiction]

Trauma Binds [Pt. 1]

"Quinn's accepting Jax as a transfer." Clay announced silencing those of us in the clubhouse. I sat my drink down turning around to face him with a sigh.

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"This is fucking wrong, and you know it." I said impassively.

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"Oh, now you got a fucking opinion? I was told you told him you'd follow." I rolled my eyes moving to a stand.

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"You think people are leaping to accept me as a transfer? Despite your bullshit, I actually like it here, Clay, and this shithole needs your son." I held his bitter gaze unwaveringly. "I'm his old lady. You're his dad whether you want that role or not. It's messy as hell." I shrugged. "I can be the supportive girlfriend, and the disagreeing clubmate."

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"Sounds like a personality issue." Tigs muttered over his beer.

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I looked around the room sighing as I tossed my hands up. "This is about Caracara, and the goddamn guns. Would it kill you to say sorry?"

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"I didn't burn that shithole down." Clay said and then looked to Bobby, Opie, and Tig in turn. "I didn't. If he thinks I did he shouldn't be here."

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"He thinks you did because you tried to shut it down behind his back!" I slapped the bar causing my half empty bottle to rattle. "Going Nomad is for people like me and Happy. Jackson has a family. Nomad will crush his spirits."

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"That's for him to figure out, Sweetheart." Clay moved closer to me so we were practically touching in this standoff.

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"You were saying it had to be Clay the other day." Bobby said distractedly before looking at me, but I barely noticed in my standoff with Morrow. "What changed?"

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"I went back this morning after he left to get Piney since they finished their forensic shit. Accelerant was used, but there were multiple footprints." I lifted a brow before looking down to Clay's feet. "And last I checked, none of us are wearing sneakers." Clay snorted and stepped back a half step. I wanted to tell him the real reason he needed to keep Jax close. Gemma was building to a snap in her psyche if she couldn't focus on some kind of faith. I sighed, sinking back down onto my barstool letting my eyes close as I put my forehead into the palm of my hand focusing on my breath for a moment.

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"You know something I don't?" Clay asked, and I picked my beer up, finishing it off before getting back up.

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I paused shoulder to shoulder with him with a saddened gaze to the floor. "It's not mine to share, Morrow. Jax transferring is a mistake." I sighed moving past him to the door.

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"The vote has to be unanimous!" He shouted out, and I couldn't tell if it was a warning or a reminder.

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I walked out through the lot with my hands in my pockets and my face turned up to the sky letting the morning sun warm my skin as John Teller's words echoed in my head from that damn manuscript.

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"I found myself lost in my own club. I trusted few, feared most. Nomad offered escape and exile. I didn't know if leaving would cure or kill this thing we created. I didn't know if it was an act of strength or cowardice. I didn't know, so I stayed. I stayed because, in the end, the only way I could hold this up was to suffer under the weight of it."

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Looking back down at the ground in front of me for a moment I looked up to see Gemma watching me from the office door and I made myself walk over to her. I didn't want to force this conversation. I wanted her to do things the way she chose, because Trauma was individualized. How she dealt with that shit? It was up to her not me, but losing her son by the hand of her husband couldn't be ideal for that process. The rift in that family was mother deep. I kicked my foot at the bottom step up keeping my eyes down not knowing how to start. "Something wrong, sweetheart?" She asked, crossing her arms as her eyes fell on me worriedly.

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"Clay's going to let Jax go Nomad." I sighed under my breath chewing on the inside of my jaw not knowing how much was okay to say. I looked up to her with my pleading baby blues. "It's a mistake, Gemma. We both know it."

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"What?!" Gemma said with a mixture of shock and pissed. "What the Hell has gotten into those two lately?"

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"You, Mom." I said with a sad smile on my face. "You're their compass and anchor. You're not good right now, so they aren't." I looked over my shoulder to make sure we were still alone before turning back. "You need to talk to them, Gem. Nomad is an Exile Jax don't need right now. He thinks he's doing it to show strength, but it's a cowardly run from Clay. He’ll be vulnerable."

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"Did you tell him this? You're his old lady." She said matter of factly.

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"That's why I had to be the supportive one. You're his mom, and if anyone can get him to stop listening to ghosts. It's you."

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"Listening to ghosts?" She asked with her brow furrowed, and I gave her a weak smile.

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"JT was a great man. I read his book, but he was drowning in the weight of responsibility. Jax has a chance to do everything he wanted for the club with half the pain, but if he runs now? He'll just kill SAMCRO and any chance it has of being something more than an FBI Target. Page 449. You got a copy, right?"

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"How did you?" She furrowed her brow to me standing up a bit straighter as her arms dropped. One lifted to hold the door frame.

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"Jax lost the first copy after he tried to burn it. You're the only other person to come to the house that'd want anything of JT's." I said with a shrug moving to get my riding glasses out of my inner vest pocket. "It's a good read. Complicated, but I get it." I shrugged putting my glasses on looking at the guys pouring out of the club to go about their days. "Nomad's a bad plan, Gemma. I don't care how you do it, but you need to try to convince him to stay. I'll do what I can within my limits." I turned to make my way back over to the bikes climbing onto mine with Tig parked up beside me.

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"What was that about?" Tig asked me with a lowered voice so I'd know it was just a conversation for the two of us.

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"Our Mom is drowning, Tiggy." I sighed, shaking my head as I put my helmet on. "Jax going Nomad is such a fucking bad idea." Tig patted my back not pushing it further as we started up our bikes.

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Me, Happy, and Bobby split off from the group leading Half-Sack and the SOA Van to St. Thomas so we could pick up Chibs from the hospital. I was hoping Jax would be back in time, like he said he would be, but I knew Piney was going to be about as excited as I was about this transfer. We dismounted our bikes and made our way to the front lobby where Tara Knowles was wheeling Chibs out to us in his full dress again. I had to admit seeing him in a vest was refreshing. Jax came up behind me giving my shoulder a quick grab before him and Happy rushed Chibs like a couple of college frat boys. They were cutting up and shouting, and I was laughing. "Aye, lads! I missed you, too!"

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"Can you guys keep it down?" Tara said in a hushed angry tone, and I moved forward putting my glasses on the top of my hair pulling my blonde hair back away from my face. Today it was back to its curly self in the loose thick curls. I nodded back to the bitch in the pencil skirt glaring at us all.

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"Whay, Nurse Knowles? You afraid Red's going to be pissed we're happy? Just because you're a prude doesn't mean she is." I shrugged and I grinned, leaning to put a kiss on Chibs' temple. "Welcome back to Hell, Scotty."

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"They sent you fucks to be my escort?" He smirked up to the four of us as we walked him out to the van Jax taking over the chair.

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"Yes." Happy said nodding.

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