"Good afternoon Brenna." Calum said poshly as he walked up to my register.
"Good afternoon Calum. Your usual I'm assuming." I said and started putting his order in.
"Yep. I was hoping I could talk to you about something when you get a chance." He said as I pulled his slip off and handed it to Heather to make it.
"Sure, is everything okay?" I asked worriedly.
"Everything's fine. I'll stay till closing and we can talk." He said and walked over to the pickup area when the line started getting longer.
The entire rest of my shift consisted of me worrying and stressing myself out. I always hated when people would ask to talk to me later because then I'd be stressed out until later came. But once closing came around I kind of half assed everything so that I could be done quicker. The only reason I did was because I knew I wouldn't get in trouble because no one really cared that much.
"What's up?" I asked as I walked outside to meet Calum where he always was, stood next to the street light with a cigarette in his hand.
"I uh... there's no easy way to say this." He said and rubbed the back of his neck after putting his cigarette out.
"What is it?" I asked and got this horrible sinking feeling in my chest and stomach.
"I just- I don't think I should keep coming in here every day." He said and let out a nervous sigh.
"But-but this is the only time I really see you." I said sadly.
"Yeah I-I know." He said and looked at me with a sad look in his eyes.
"Is that your way of telling me you just don't want to see me anymore?" I asked and felt a lump form in my throat as my eyes got watery.
"It's not that I don't want to, I just can't. I can't see you anymore." He said sadly.
"Why?" I felt my voice crack and the few stray tears spill over the edge of my eyelids.
"You know why Brenna. I'm not doing this to hurt you I'm doing this to protect you." He said with a guilty look on his face and a tone that just said 'please understand.'
"I don't want you to 'protect' me, I want you to be with me." I said with tears streaming down my cheeks.
"What kind of person would I be if I ignored the bad things that could happen to you if we stayed together? I'm a selfish person Brenna don't get me wrong, but I can't let myself be selfish this time. I can't let my life hurt you." He exclaimed.
"I'm telling you to be selfish Calum, I want you to be. I know that maybe I'll get hurt or something and sure that scares me but I want to be with you. You can't just walk into my life, tell me to break up with my boyfriend, and get me to like you for you to just leave because you're scared." I shouted at him while he just shook his head.
"I have a good reason to be scared. I don't want you to get hurt." He said and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You're hurting me now. You're contradicting yourself Calum." I stated and crossed my arms over my chest.
"I mean physically Brenna." He said with a slight eye roll.
"So you'd rather hurt me emotionally than have me maybe get hurt physically? You don't even know that I'll get hurt." I said while he just stayed quiet and let out a sigh.
"I just want you to be okay. I don't want you to get hurt at all, and the more you're around me the higher your chances are of getting hurt. Seeing Noah the other day made me realize that this isn't a good idea. I don't want you, your family, or your friends to get hurt because of me." He said and turned around and started walking down the street.
"Calum you can't just leave!" I yelled but he didn't turn back around. He just kept on walking until he turned the corner, leaving me alone under a street light with tears escaping my eyes.
I stood there waiting for him for a couple minutes. I waited for him to turn back around and kiss me and tell me he didn't mean it. But he never came back, he didn't turn around, text me, call me, nothing. So I went to my car and tried to gather myself before I started driving.
"Brenna?" Kendall called out as I walked through the door.
"Yeah I'm home." I said and tried to sound as normal as possible.
"Did you get a cold you sound- oh... Brenna why are you crying?" She asked as she rounded the corner and came towards me.
"It doesn't matter." I said and let her pull me in for a hug. Normally I'd spill everything and tell them all what was wrong but I can't. I can't tell them that Calum can't be with me because his dads the leader of the gang he's in. There's no way to explain any of this without telling them everything.
"It does matter B, is it Calum? What did he do this time?" She asked soothingly and softly rubbed my back while I cried into her shoulder.
"He just said he can't be with me or talk to me anymore." I said and rested my head on her shoulder.
"What why? He told you to break up with Cole and now he's saying he can't be with you?" She asked and pulled away from me to look at me with a confused look on her face.
"It's a whole mess. I was probably going to break up with Cole anyway so I guess that doesn't really matter but at the same time it does." I rambled and went over to the kitchen to get some sort of alcohol.
"He's an asshole Brenna, he's been sending you mixed signals this whole time. You don't want that." She said and rubbed my back from her spot next to me.
"But I do, I do want him and I know he wants me too." I said surely but she just got a pitiful look on her face for me.
"If he wanted you then wouldn't he be here with you now?" She asked softly and sent me an apologetic look.
"You don't know anything Ken, he does I know he does. He just can't." I said and went to my room with a few bottles of beer and closed my door behind me.
YOU ARE READING
not in the same way || c.h.
Fanfiction"I love you and you love me, but not in the same way."
