Longing •Bucky Barnes•

•Twenty Three•

The next few days were hard.

Break downs, arguments, and endless worrying. We had gotten ahold of Pepper, but Peter and Tony weren't even on earth. I had no idea where they were. Apparently according to Pepper they'd hitched a ride on Thanos's ship. They were likely chasing after the stone when he got ahold of it.

I had no idea where they had gone to and I had no idea how to find that out. They were missing and I feared they got caught in the snap. Even worse I feared was that they were alive and abandoned somewhere. Steve assured me they were looking for him, but it brought me no peace, not until I knew.

Bucky was cold for the few days following the snap, but I couldn't hold it against him. We all lost someone. I just hated having him go so harsh and guarded with me. It was like how he had used to act. I could tell Tony being gone bothered him nearly as much as it did me. Any time Steve came around and I would ask for updates his demeanor would change.

I had woken late this morning as I had most days since. I rolled over and saw Bucky sleeping with his back to me. I sat up and rubbed my face. I looked over to him and I could tell he was in a deep sleep. He was up late pacing the room and I had fallen asleep long before he had settled down.

I quietly got out of bed because my body was craving a cup of coffee. I desperately needed something to wake me up because I could feel my body wanting to just lay back down. I wrapped myself in a robe and made my way to grab myself something to eat. The halls were empty, but I saw a familiar face when I had entered the dining hall.

I grabbed my coffee from the main service area and ignored the food. I hadn't had much of an appetite and food repulsed me so I would just eat later. I brought my cup and sat down next to Nat who was too just drinking coffee and staring blankly at the table in front of her.

"No sleep?" I asked and her eyes rose to meet mine.

"No. None." She said shaking her head. "You?"

"I got an hour or two." I said with an exhale.

"And Bucky?" She asked.

"He was sleeping when I left, I didn't want to bother him." I said grasping my cup as I took a sip. "I don't think he's slept since."

"Steve hasn't either." She said shaking her head.

"Banner?" I asked.

"Hardly." She said and she actually cracked a small smile. "Just doesn't feel real."

"I'm still waiting to wake up and think it was just a nightmare." I said pressing my lips together.

"If only." She said and we both took a sip of coffee. "You going to be okay?"

"I mean I'll have to be. I might be when we find Tony... if we find Tony." I said trailing off.

"Don't lose hope kid, if you do we all do. No one will fight for Tony more than you." She said hitting my arm softly.

"I know, I just can't even find the will to do much of anything." I said exhaling defeatedly.

"It takes time." She said shaking her head. "I mean I would think."

"Where do we go after this?" I asked. "I mean I think we're all figuring out what to do next, but I mean we probably don't want to stay in Wakanda."

"We can't get ahold of Fury." She said looking to the half filled mug. "He'd know what to do."

"I'm sorry, I know how much he meant to you." I said in a soft voice.

"It's just another person to mourn, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit he'll be the hardest to get over. I heard back from Clint last night finally." She said trying to at least look on the bright side. "I'm still waiting to hear from a few others."