Tanhì

2-12: Menari

I watched Tsu'tey as he kept his eyes out amongst the people. How they went about their daily lives. Never a day passed that was boring. Life with the clan was busy work, and it was rather comparable to my life on Earth before my home was burned. It felt so weird to be safe, but part of me knew it was never to last.

The joy each day brought my students closer to Iknimaya, I fear greatly for my new friends. If their bodies perish, they will become like Max had. It will take years to make new avatars for them. I am confident in them all, but that anxiety festers in my mind. I always knew I'd have to let them go.

"Tanhì? You froze again." Tsu'tey reminded. His calm green eyes analyzed my expression carefully. Each glance stole my breath. How can he be so perfect?

"I'm just worried for my students. They aren't all fast learners and Iknimaya is days away." I sigh heavily, my body shook with the exiting of the air from my lungs. A calloused, but gentle hand touched the side of my face. I leaned into his touch.

"You have to let them go. They are very skilled, I have faith in them, the same as how I had faith in you." His voice wavers with emotion, but it's clear with confidence. His gaze traps me and holds me still with those bright, intelligent eyes. I don't even have to say anything, he just understands.

Tsaheylu, for him and I had never been about pleasure, but for love and oneness. He's never gone through parts of my mind I've never wanted him near, and I return the same courtesy and right. And right now in this moment, though we aren't connected through tsaheylu, we are one. He is mine and I am his.

"I see you." He spoke tenderly while gazing into my own golden eyes.

"I see you." I smile, "I must go, Tsu'tey. I have to go help Aaron. He still has much to learn." I pulled myself away from Tsu'tey as his eyes followed me. I moved through the crowd of busy, working people to meet Aaron near the edge of the clearing.

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After a day or so of teaching Aaron, day and night, he had caught up to his peers. He had made the kill, provided for the clan. He was ready for Iknimaya. He couldn't thank me enough.

All of my other students were proud of him, however, their celebration was short lived. Iknimaya was their final test before becoming adults in the clan. And it was a day away.

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I let my students choose whichever pa'li they trusted most to take them with them to Ikimaya. I exchanged a look with Saeyla when Norm had some trouble staying on his. I knew Neytiri and Jake would meet us there while Tsu'tey stayed behind to watch the cla with Mo'at.

When we began they were all buzzing with excitement, all of them but Aaron. He knew the dangers, and he was determined. Samantha was less calculating as she used to be, but she's sharp and a skilled hunter. Elaine and Katherine are alike in mind and skill, they seem a lot like sisters now despite how different they really are. They've all come a long way.

The buzz of conversation ended as we began our assent up into the mountains, the floating mountains. I showed them how to climb and made sure that those most afraid stayed close so that if they loose their nerve I'll be there to guide them. This is where Tsu'tey's teachings and mine differed. He was rough but not unwelcome, I was nurturing and yet somehow strict.

The thick vines were easy to grasp onto, soon I found my students surpassing me in climbing, I was never skilled at it, but I was proud regardless of their success. If we all climbed quick enough, we wouldn't think about falling, that's why I trained their stamina. Soon, we had all reached the platform with the vines to grasp onto to meet the final mountain, where we'd meet our greatest challenge.

I jumped onto a vine and watched everyone follow suit. They wooed and hollered in excitement, I'm glad they hold little fear of the dangers, fear can hinder their performances. We climbed up onto the ledge, worn down from time, we climbed into the cave and soon, we were at the waterfall of the nest. I turned to look at my proud students. They all held expressions of wonder and shock.

"Students, you've all come a long way. I never doubted you'd get here, and I don't doubt your success. Ikrans are tricky, but you must respect them as we respect all of Eywas children." I paused, "You must find the one which reflects your soul, they will challenge you, and you will use the tools I've given you to help you bond to them. The first flight seals the bond. Elaine, you're first, Kathrine you're next. Aaron and then Samantha. Do you understand?" I held a serious face. They all mumbled their agreement and replies, and Elaine went first. I followed her out and Jake and Neytiri watched from the skies since they had little places to land. Saeyla was ushering my students in.

Elaine was fast, it was the first Ikran she found was small, and a purple color. They did not wrestle long since Elaine tired her out quickly. I urged her to take flight and I watched her master flight within minutes.

Katherine took a little longer, her ikran was a little bigger than the last but far more submissive. Aaron had far less trouble than I expected, he was already surpassing me in most ways.

But Samantha, she had lost all her stamina almost immediately. She had little strength as it is, I had to distract her Ikran to make sure she had a chance. She had the upper hand but had a hard time with flying with him. They were much alike in their stubborn ways. I watched to make sure Norm did well. Both he and his ikran were at the agreement they'd try to make it look like they're trying hard but not really. So, it was very easy for him.

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We all flew home. I proudly told my spouse of their triumph and he insisted that they celebrate. But I had had enough of celebration, I had to slip away.

I managed to find myself squeezed into a crevasse in the great trunk of hometree. Of course, Tsu'tey found me. He always does, even when I don't want him to. His rough hands find mine and cradle them within his palms. He brings himself to my level.

"My love, why are you alone?" His eyes glistened with a blink, "You should celebrate your students growth." He waited patiently for an answer but I simply had none.

I pulled in a deep breath through my nose, an earthy, flower-like scent rises into my mind. That's him. All him. I stand suddenly and let go of his hands.

"I don't have an answer Tsu'tey, I simply feel..."

"Incomplete? Like we're forgetting something?" He finishes.

"Yes, exactly that." I turned to meet his serious gaze. He hasn't looked at me like this since our first bonding.

"I.." He fails to finish his thought as I pull him higher into Mehutral to our sheltered Hammock(We recently had it done this way so that one day, when we have children, it will be in privacy). I sit him down with me.

"Tsu'tey... I have given it thought, and I want a child with you." I glance up at him to see a surprised and delighted face. It's true, ever since we were bonded, I've wanted a child with him.

"Yawne, I don't know... it's so soon." He fidgets with his knife methodically. I know it's been a little over a year since my own iknimaya and the war, but I know I want this.

"We can wait a while longer, I've just really wanted a baby. I watch the mothers of the clan, I hear Mo'at talk about motherhood, Grace laments her inability to have children. I am fortunate to have this time now to be able to bear children for you, for me, for us." I plead with my eyes and search his for an answer.

"Give me some time, my love. I don't know how long. I need to think." He stands suddenly and saunters off towards the festivities.

That night, I slept alone for the first time in a long time.