no body, no crime (Steve / Bucky x Reader)

part 17

TW: sex without protection or birthcontrol

I woke up screaming.
A nightmare. Must have been the forth one tonight.
I checked the time on my phone just to see that its 4 am.

My whole body was sweating and i pulled out some of my hair, instead of sleeping again i turned on the TV hoping it would calm me down.
Before i could i heard someone walk to the living room.

I turn around just to see that its Bucky. The only person i was hoping not to see.
He makes coffee and i turn the TV on while ignoring him and his existence.

Instead of going back to his room he sat down on the chair next to the couch i was laying on.
He put a cup of coffee in front of me and started drinking his while watching the TV.
It was awkward, no one said anything. We just sat there in silence watching commercials.

"Y/N.. i am sorry. I should have told you."

I ignore him.

"I can't undo what happened but i can keep you happy... please bee. I wasn't myself. I wasn't Bucky."

He looks at me while i look away. I didn't wanna look him in the eyes. I knew it would break me.

"I remember that day. I was shown a picture of you and your family. You were so little.
I remember that i didn't want to do it so Mr. Hargreaves ram a knife through my stomach and then he said the words. After that i had no control over my body."

He started crying but he tried to hide it from me, i grabbed the cup of coffee and took a sip.

I wish i could say i was doing fine but i also started crying like a baby. I tried hiding it as well but Buck noticed

Bucky looked up at me again, "Oh god no. Please. Please don't cry doll. Can i hug you?" he was more than nervous but his emotions took overhand.
„I wish i could take all your pain and make it mine Y/N."

I looked at him as tears run down my face. He moved closer to me but didn't touch me.
His eyes were filled with tears and pain.

My blanket was covering my legs and i lifted it to show Bucky that he can come closer which he did.

We both cried into each others arms, "I'm sorry for screaming at you earlier. I shouldn't have done that."
He wipes the tears off my face while his vibranium arm was around me.

"It's okay. I deserved it, i didn't treat you right." i say as i put the blanket on both of us.

"That doesn't matter. I'm willing to fight for you and i will do anything for you to forgive me." Buck looks at me and tries to pull me in closer.

"I'm not angry at you. If it wasn't you, it would have been someone else. But the video- i- i never knew a video existed.
Seeing my brothers last moments just made me fall into a type of traumatic episode."

His hands pulled my face to his chest where i rested my eyes for a minute, was i really cuddling up with the murderer of my family?? But on the other hand he was right. It wasn't his decision. He had no control.

I started crying again but this time i held onto Buck.
"I'm sorry"

"Don't you dare apologize." Bucky grabbed my thighs so i could sit on his lap with my legs around him.

For a whole minute we had eye contact. It was the kind that you hope never breaks.

He was sweaty and to be honest so was i but we didn't care.
I slowly put my lips near his.
We kissed, a kind of kiss that makes you forget everything else around you.