Dernière Danse [Jikook]

🚨46🚨

Mrs. Potato Head - Melanie Martinez

"I want to have a voice again...... For you."

Is this man on drugs?

Jimin furrows his eyebrows through his blurred vision, wiping the smudge of drool from the corner of his bottom lip with the back of his hand as he leans back from the toilet after purging out all what was in his stomach a few seconds ago.

What does that message even mean?!

If Jeongguk is thinking what Jimin is thinking, then he's making an utterly stupid decision to pick up on his speaking for him; As some little apology for his shitty attitude with Namjoon.

Jimin hates when people do shit for him that they are just not comfortable doing on a regular basis, and for Jeongguk that's talking!

If he's going to do it, do it because he wants to, not because he feels the need to in order to satisfy Jimin or even to impress him.

This silly boy..... He's so ridiculous, and clearly has a lot to learn.

Jimin reads the text message over and over before groaning to his headache and puts the phone down, immediately proceeding to throw up after his throat clenched to the more bile that rose up abruptly. Now all that's left is the acid burning his damn esophagus. It didn't stop after he felt his stomach now completely empty, nothing but lightness coating over his senses as he stumbles back after flushing the toilet and cleaning the seat to lean against the wall with eyes closed.

Today has been such a fucking stressful day. From waking up to working on the routine alone to then practicing it with Taemin, following up with the damn tense meeting with the figure skaters - It felt like Jimin was being squeezed by some bare hands. Tomorrow he's going to be tested harshly, and he has to keep his body ready for the intense work out.

He has great stamina, able to withstand for a long time on moving his body without it collapsing, the issue will be once he's done moving. After that, he's probably going to have to speed his way back to the room because if he stops, his body will suddenly shut down like it has done so before after a few ballet performances.

His goal is just making it back here, that's it, then no one will worry about his health.

Well, that is if Yoongi catches him because he has this amazing telepathy to always catch Jimin at his worse moments.

Even though he should be a bit worried.

Lately Jimin's symptoms are getting worse, and most likely that's because of the added jet lag he had to endure. He's relentless and have peaks of anxiety attacks out of no where. Luckily his anger tantrums has occurred when Jeongguk hasn't been in the room, but he makes sure to put everything back to how it was after he's done. Lastly.... Something else is acting up, increasingly.

He wasn't so panicked about it before but during his ballet practice, he picked up on the realization that his vision was growing fuzzier after he finished one specific spin. Not sure if that was just the dizziness, but after blinking it over a few times it was gone. However that did return again while Taemin was instructing him on how to do a specific jump. While he was talking, some areas of his face grew blurred but once again would it go away.

This isn't the first time it has happened, but now it's becoming more continuous, and definitely will only continue to only get worse.

Lastly, his PTSD flashbacks are returning back, along with this withdrawal. Since he took his medication and didn't proceed to continue to take it after that, basically just abruptly stopped, he's facing his symptoms much more intensely. That's why he's more anxious and more temperamental than usual. He's getting flashbacks from his past, dissociation, hallucinations to the point he would hear the noises out of no where or even see things that are triggering his trauma.

It's like his body is craving to feel that limp and calmness that it did when he took the medication, that's why it's dangerous to stop abruptly from taking it.

Not like he hasn't dealt with this before. The first time he stopped taking his medication, he felt like he was actually dying. But he forced his body to pass through it so he won't have to depend on those medications again.

And now he has found a reliever to controlling those side effects; throwing up.

Maybe that's another reason as to why he also has taken into the habit of throwing up everything after eating, as a distraction. To throw out everything that's frustrating or he's feeling in his body, flushing it down until all he can feel is light and numbness.

Perhaps that's why it's so addicting.

A literal problem, one after the other, but that's the only way he can be able to feel good about himself.

Anything to not feel so damn useless or defenseless. At least with throwing up it gives a temporary distraction.

After sitting there, feeling like his world is turning sideways as he might just collapse to the ground so suddenly, Jimin only shakes himself to get up and brush his teeth. He already took his shower, now he just needs to lay down after this pounding headache passes by.

So with little to no strength, Jimin uses the wall as help to lift him up from the ground and use it as guide to stumble towards the sink. His vision is still blurred, trembling hands now reaching for his toothbrush and paste. Black spots fueled the corners of his eyes but Jimin only closes them and just brushes his teeth, making sure to clean well any scent of vomit and rinse aggressively. This went on until he felt satisfied, now much more aware of his surroundings with a bit more control and mobility to his body to move.

When he got to his room, it's still empty.

Thankfully. That's the good thing about Jeongguk; he knows how valuable space is to both of them.

So Jimin just sluggishly goes to a bed and plops down with a heavy breath. Nothing runs through his mind, only feel the world swirling as though he was drunk. He just kept his eyes closed and snuggles under the sheets to feel how heavy his body feels now, going deeper and deeper into a deep sleep.

Not realizing he actually ended up falling asleep on Jeongguk's bed instead of his own.

___________________

A/N:

Awe Jimin :(

This scene hit a little too close to home, as I can imagine it did for a few of you lovelies so I hope you guys are okay.

The next few chapters will be focused on mainly their training. I will warn that there will be homophobic, ableism remarks. Along with starvation and overdose thoughts. I will be adding the emojis as per usual, and if you need a little guide, the emoji definition is on the first chapter.

I PURPLE YOU! <33