I Miss You

Chapter 60

'In Loving Memory Of Jahseh Dwayne Ricardo Onfroy' read the inside of his casket, I didn't want to look at him. I looked at everything but him, I looked at every single person, picture, banner, flower, and pew.

"Don't be scared, go ahead and look" he spoke lowly against my ear, I looked over, he sat right beside me. He seemed calm and content, pleased even. I inhaled slowly before looking at the body that I just seen perfectly well and alive yesterday.

He didn't look right... his lips weren't the right color, his skin was too light, his nose looked off, and his '17,' 'alone,' 'bad vibes,' and clock tattoos were covered with makeup. It made me angry, I wanted to scrub the makeup off.

"Calm down it'll be over in 30 minutes" he told me, "I want it to be over now" I told him. "It's ok" was all he said, I fidgeted with the sleeve of his jacket. I felt eyes on me, I looked around but couldn't find the eyes that were piercing me.

•••

"We're gonna go out to eat, you wanna come" Ally asked me, "no thank you, have fun though" I smiled at her. "Are you sure" she asked, "yes" I nodded before hugging and walking away from her and the rest of the group. I called an Uber, within 20 minutes it picked me up and I went home.

I went straight upstairs and into my bedroom where I seen Jah playing his game. "Are you fucking dead or not" I yelled as I chucked my heel at him, "some questions are best left unanswered" he responded as he caught the heel. "No, I want you to fucking tell me, we was literally just cuddled up with Gekyume the other day watching movies downstairs and shit and now Gekyume doesn't exist anymore and you're dead" I explained.

"Calm down" he reached for me, grabbing a hold of my hand. I instantly felt calm, I wanted to be angry though, but I couldn't. I felt like I wasn't in control of my own emotions. "I want to stop dreaming, I want to wake up" I cried, "you are awake, this whole time you've been awake" he cooed in my ear. "What, but- that's not possible" I argued, "what you see as your 'dreams' aren't dreams, but your 'reality' isn't either" he explained.

"Wha-what are you trying to say, cause I'm confused" I told him, "there are no more 'dreams' and 'reality' for you" he turned off the tv. "What does that mean" I asked, "you gotta find out" he shrugged. "You should go feed Gekyume" he told me, "but Gekyumes isn't h-" I was interrupted by tugging on my dress.

"Hey papi" I said as I picked him up, he wrapped his arms around my neck, resting his head under my chin. Showing that he was tired, I looked at his father before going downstairs to feed him.

I let him take a nap after he was fed. I came back to my room to see Jahseh asleep in the sheets, I sighed as I climbed into bed with him. He wrapped his arm around me once I was comfortable and rubbed my back until I was asleep.

•••

I woke up a few hours later to the front door opening and then closing. Gekyume came into the bedroom with Jah following close behind. "Here" Gek reached up giving me a bunch of grapes, "we're back from the store" Jah said. "When did you go to the store" I asked, "we left earlier this morning, you waved bye to us" Jah said.

"No, I-I don't remember that" I shook my head, "why are you all dressed up" he asked me. "What" I looked down at my clothing seeing a black dress. I wrinkled my eyebrows "I don't know" I replied. "Are you ok" he held his hand to my forehead, "I'm fine, I think" I replied. "What did I tell you before I left" he asked, "um, that you were going to the store..." I said confused.

"No I told you I loved you" he nodded, "but I don't remember any of that" I sat up and rested my head in the palms of my hands. Gekyume climbed into the bed to hug, I let him sit in my lap as Jah and I talked. "How about you just stay in bed for a few days, ok" he asked me, "but, I fell fine, I just don't remember" I told him.

"Just to be safe, stay where you are, and if you need something I'll be here" he spoke lowly, "but I'm fine, there's nothing wrong" I argued. He glared at me signally for for me to pipe down. I did as he wanted and closed my mouth. "I'll bring you some food" he said as he left, I nodded and gave Gek the remote. He turned to the cartoons that he liked to watch and I closed my eyes and fell back asleep.

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Bro I'm tired and cold, but I'm at my cousin house and she's packing up for college and I don't wanna bother her and tell her I'm cold-