Song Remains the Same

Chapter 51: Blurred Lines

Chapter Text

"You save yourself or you remain unsaved."
- Alice Sebold

*** CONTENT TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault (non-explicit) ***

A Few Days Later

Glen Ward was many things, but he wasn't evil. People liked him, thought he was funny and charming and cool. He was capable and strong, a little self-obsessed, but hey—if that was his only flaw, not bad. He wasn't evil. Yeah, he did things that were questionable but that was just part of living life to the fullest and taking in every experience possible. He stole, he cheated, he lied, he manipulated people and situations, he didn't care about anyone other than himself... but, he wasn't evil.

That was Glen's mantra, the only thing he cared about pretty much: I'm not evil.

He had started repeating this to himself on July 4th, 1988. Everyone else had been around the front of the mansion watching fireworks in the night sky and some of those bright bursting lights had reflected in the dark water of the luxurious family pool. Glen had stood there at the edge of the shimmering water and wondered am I evil? Because below the surface of the water, his two-year-old little sister Erin was struggling after falling in by accident. Glen just watched and did nothing, curious and fascinated as her tiny body sank to the bottom of the pool, eventually going still and beginning to drift. Am I evil? He thought maybe a big brother should have jumped in to save her or called for help, but he didn't do either. It seemed marvelous to him that life was so fragile and easy to snuff out, and he'd been struck by the chance to watch it happen. And who was Erin, anyway? Just another human being taking up space on the planet. Him letting her die like that was just a kid being curious. He wasn't evil. He was different.

He remembered how Jamie found him staring into the pool—small, eight-years-old, she'd screamed in shock and quickly panicked, hyperventilating as she told Glen to go get someone. Then she'd jumped in to try and save their already-dead sister. Jamie didn't really know how to swim at the time but had somehow found it within herself to overcome her fear of water and pull her sister out. Glen had watched her sobbing over Erin, who had been blue in the face... dead for several minutes already. Adults clustered around his sisters and Glen stood off, staring and mildly frustrated. Why didn't he feel the panic and horror everyone else did? At first he thought it was because he was evil, but he didn't like the thought that he was evil. Then he decided it wasn't because he was evil. It was because he was smarter than everyone else, and higher above stupid things like emotions. He was better than everyone else.

Ever since that night, he'd felt this smug sense of power. Because he knew he could have changed what happened and he'd chosen not to. He was like a god or something, he could say whether another person lived or died by what he chose to do or not do. That thrilled him. And as he grew up, he learned how to keep people believing things other than what was actually true: how to play on their doubts, fears, weaknesses, desires, wishes. He became an expert at playing roles and manipulating any situation he was in, always to his own benefit and amusement.

To his sister, he was forgetful and half-ass and flighty—he kept her in the dark by letting her think she was the smarter one—to Alex he was a rogue with a heart of gold who was opening up slowly to the idea of a real, lasting relationship and true intimacy. To Jennifer, he was a business major who was down on his luck and looking for a love to heal wounds from his past. To Sadie, he had been a bad-boy one night stand with quite a bit of S&M thrown in there. There were other women and even a few guys too and there would always be more. It wasn't even entirely about the sex for Glen, although it never hurt to get laid. It was about pushing the boundaries to see if he'd get caught, because he got off on danger and lies and the pleasure-rush those gave him. He got off on controlling people's thoughts, puppeting them into exactly the situation he wanted them in. And no one ever guessed his secret because he was smarter than all of them. They fell for what he said and believed him every time. He'd never get over how much he loved looking people in the eye and saying something and watching them believe it as the whole time, he was smirking internally at how easy it was to prey on their trust and vulnerability.