𝐧𝐲𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚 • draco malfoy (ON HOLD)

𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄𝐒

elnara mae

I had to leave him. Leave them all.

christmas eve

He looked so peaceful, so saint like. His relaxed face, no frown line, no raised eyebrows, just light snores and slow breathing.

I couldn't sleep, the voices in my head kept me from doing so. My hand held his because he was the only one keeping me sane. But I knew I couldn't mingle with him anymore, for his own safety. So I had to let go.

With pin drop silence I got up and got my luggage together and since I never really unpacked that saved my time. I made sure everything was ready before I said goodbye.

I left him a note of apology and a polaroid of us. It was the only photo we had together.

It was around the end of November, I was showing him my polaroids and telling him the story behind each one. He was seated behind me with my back resting on his chest, his lips against my neck leaving a kiss after every summary and my head layed on his shoulder. It wasn't planned, I just thought since the camera was in my hands I'd take one of ours.

I walked towards him with blurry eyes and quivering lips, tears daring to leak. Leaning down and pressing my lips on his forehead I whispered, the tears now falling one by one, "Merry Christmas Draco!"

I contemplated telling him the thing that lay on the tip of my tongue and on the edge of my heart. I couldn't take it anymore, it was killing me inside so with my final kiss goodbye I said it.

"I love you"

And so here I stand, the vanishing cabinet staring back at me, making me feel sick and lonely. It's been three nights since I left the room of requirements, it was depressing and I was going no where with this stupid piece of furniture. The worst part is everytime I shut my eyes to chant the spell, his charming face projected in my head.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCK YOU!", to say I was going insane was an understatement. My feet kicking the cabinet, mentally cursing it.

Next thing you know, I was balling my eyes out. All the mental pain feeding on my insides, my heart cracking with every tear and my body failing to keep me strong. I needed Draco to hold me, comfort me and whisper sweet nothings into my ear but I couldn't have him. My second option seemed more accurate given the situation and that was none other than.....my green friend.

That beauty lay effortlessly between my fingers, waiting to be inhaled. "You and me till the end, buddy", I spoke to it, gracefully holding with my lips and sparking it.

Tears and smoke surrounded me daily. Sorrow levitated around me and pain played the role of my best friend. So much for a happy new year for me.

⚯͛

draco malfoy

I was broken and she was the reason.

Was it me? Did I scare her away by showing her who I can actually be? Was it the sex? Did she find out? All these questions chewing my brain raw giving me severe headache. Moments when I felt like throwing or damaging something, I looked at the polaroid she left me. It was the only piece of her that I could hold onto.