Tales of Disturbance

The Anniversary

It had been the night of our anniversary dinner. 

I'd just poured two glasses of the fancy chablis that she liked, making sure it was well chilled. Then I spent time basting the herring in an aromatic sauce, obeying every instruction in the recipe.

Then as soon as we sat down, the evening descended slowly into carnage.

She didn't like my tie, why was I wearing one? Why not just an open neck shirt? The herring was delicious, but too hot. Why had I not let it cool? The wine was delicious, but too cold. Why had I not waited a bit? Didn't I know she had sensitive teeth? I didn't and I said so and that was it - something cracked. Soon we were knee deep in a blazing row. The initial subject was finances.

I was failing in work and life. Consequently she'd had to pay the mortgage in a year and a half. This much was true. She was bailing us out with her savings which were depleting at an alarming rate. I wish I could say I had depression or a brain tumor like everyone else, but the reasons for this 'life break' evaded me completely. She was also paying for accommodation on the edge of a mountain in the most expensive country in the world, so I could research a tentative, potentially hopeless, story about a man who possibly didn't even exist. I had talked her into all of this and she seemed to acquiesce at the time. It turned out she didn't acquiesce really, at all. It turns out actually a sort of seething rage had been bubbling under the surface, and actually it was a sort of desperation that had driven her to finance this, and apart from her posh new friends, she'd regretted it ever since.

And what sort of man was I anyway, to agree to let her do it? she continued. I had barely protested. I hadn't asked if she was sure about it or wanted to discuss it. I had just accepted it, as if she had some sort of Father-Christmas-like obligation to me because she was supposed to love me. I was so entitled it made her sick. What exactly was she getting out of this arrangement anyway? When she had been unemployed she'd gone out and got a job. Had I been a real man, that's what I would have done in these eighteen months. I mean, was I one? A real man? As soon as she said this, I knew she was going to descend again into Lady Macbeth 'I would have plucked my nipple from its mouth and dashed his head against the rocks had I sworn thus and this, I would very much like to do to you) I had said she reminded me of Lady Macbeth, and did this impression of her. I said, she would make a great Lady Macbeth, there was no doubt about it, and she had said well that obviously made me 'a murdering tyrant who couldn't see the wood for the moving trees of Dunsinane.' And our marriage was Dunsinane wood, I (Macbeth) was cornered, Macduff was on his way, and my days were numbered. 

I said if the woods of Dunsinane were moving that made her mad, and actually, dead already (as Lady Macbeth was at this part of the play) and naturally, having no soul, and indulging in the sort of shameless social climbing that made me want to throw up meant she' be a damn good candidate. She said she'd rather be married to Macbeth – a murdering Scottish tyrant would be preferable to me and at least he had a bit of ambition and some sort of plan for his life. I began to say I disagreed; my life plan was only to provoke her as much as I possibly could, and it was going really well so far!

Then she had picked up the nearest object at this moment, (which had been a Nike trainer) and flung it as hard as she could. She had missed by a country mile, but it knocked over the chablis, which really peeved me as I'd troubled to go to three shops to find it specially and even had to speak Swiss German, which everyone knew was completely impossible and when I tried I always felt like an idiot. All she cared about, I continued, was her shameless social climbing, just to make me look bad. She had said I certainly didn't need any help in that department. At that point, I'd grabbed the keys and left. I came back three days later when I ran out of money, but it seemed Macduff had changed the locks and I like life had been a tale told by an idiot signifying nothing.