Love Bait

38| Lost to the storm

The temperamental weather lasts for the rest of the day. We hole up in my bedroom under the covers, talking about anything and everything. There's never an awkward silence, and snuggled away in the dark like this, with the roar of the wind here to carry away our deepest confessions, it's easier to get personal.

"Biggest fear," Jordan says, but the way he peeks at me through the covers makes it clear he knows the answer. I'm about to tell him something superficial, like being afraid of jellyfish, but something passes between us, something raw and scary and vulnerable. My walls are down, as are his, and I can either run or let him in.

"People I love leaving," I say. "Not because I'm afraid of being alone, but because living a life without the people I love just seems pointless. What about you?"

He breaks our gaze, then thinks better of it. "My mom getting worse. It's manageable more or less at the moment, but she has a lot of relapses. She stays positive, but it's hard for me to see her in pain like that."

Eyes closed, I pull him in closer like maybe I can shield him from the world. "Is there a cure or anything?"

"No," he says. "Not yet, anyway." The tiniest tear gathers in the corner of one eye. He bows his head and rubs it like there's something in his eye. When he looks back up, the slight glimmer of a tear is gone.

Sensing he needs a subject change, I ask, "How long was your last relationship?"

It seems strange that he knows all about Ryan, but his past is mostly this big question mark.  "Not long," he says, playing with my fingers. "I had to work around the clock at my construction company while trying to help my mom out. It didn't leave much time for anything else. She got fed up, I guess."

"Were you in love?"

The corner of his lip lifts. "No. I don't think I ever really let her get close enough for me to go there. What about you, were you in love with Ryan?"

There's this moment where he looks at me, and my heart melts. It's different from the feeling I'd get around Ryan. Stronger, somehow. Exciting. "I think so. I mean, at one point I was pretty sure we'd be together forever. He used to promise me all the time we'd never break up; I guess I never thought to question it."

Jordan pulls me closer, pressing his mouth to my neck. "His loss."

I shrug. "Maybe he was wrong to promise me that, but I shouldn't have held him to those promises. I'm starting to learn that people change, what they want in life changes, and–" I take a deep breath, surprised these words are about to leave my mouth, "–maybe that's okay."

Jordan grows quiet. It's hard to see his face through the dark, but I can tell he's conflicted. "Sometimes I try and see things from my dad's point of view," he says. "I keep telling myself it's a big deal dedicating your life to caring for someone. It's not the picture-perfect family he envisioned when he married my mom twenty years ago." He shakes his head and pulls me closer, burying his face in my neck. "But no matter how hard I try, I don't get it, Evvy, because there's no way I could walk out on the people I loved like that."

I believe him, too. I hadn't given it much thought in the beginning what with me trying to save the cafe, but in all of this, Jordan is the selfless one. The hero. He came down here to sell the cafe to help his family, and a part of me feels terrible for making things so difficult.

"I'm sorry," I say. "For all my attempts at sabotaging you, I mean. You were just doing what you needed to do to help your family."

He frowns a little. "Maybe your methods were a little questionable, but you were doing what you needed to do, too."