Even the Dark Side Can't Take Our Memories

Chapter 13 - A Step into the Future

Present Time

Ahsoka couldn't bear to see Anakin's face in such a state of devastation and betrayal. She had to make him understand why she was doing this to herself, to the Jedi, to Obi-Wan, to Anakin... but no one would ever understand. No one could ever understand. Even Ahsoka could barely understand the choice herself. She had thought that she loved the Jedi with her whole heart - they had brought her in and made her one of them when she had no one else. With the Jedi, she had found love, family, and people who truly cared for her and her wellbeing... well, at least she'd thought she had. But then those same people, who endlessly cared for her and nurtured her into the woman she'd become today, had betrayed her - jumped to the conclusion that she would betray them, even after the endless devotion she'd shown to them. Despite the pain and endless hurt of this betrayal, Ahsoka knew it wasn't the real reason she'd chosen to leave the Jedi, though she tried to convince herself that it was. Ahsoka wouldn't think of Barriss, she couldn't - this had to be her choice, influenced by no one else, if nothing else could be.

Despite Ahsoka blocking out thoughts of Barriss, she couldn't help the images of velvety, full lips and delicate, Mirialan face marks from swimming through her most private of dreams. Then there were the images formed from Anakin's words... red lightsabers, once that of Asajj Ventress, clutched in the same thin hands that Ahsoka once held.

Whether or not it was due to Barriss's betrayal or being falsely accused, whether or not it was the Jedi or her fleeting romance, Ahsoka knew, deep inside, that her place in the galaxy was no longer with the Jedi. She would be eternally grateful for the experience and the family that the Jedi had given her, but knew that it could no longer be anything more than a treasured memory.

Ahsoka didn't have a plan, she wasn't sure what she was going to do with herself, but she was confident that she would find her way. Though she had never officially made it past the rank of Padawan, she felt that the Jedi had taught her everything she needed to know to survive on her own. Maybe she could get a job defending someone in need, or transporting people from planet to planet... she had learned many utilizable skills with Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, and while Ahsoka knew that she could easily use any of them to make the money necessary for food and a roof over her head, Ahsoka wanted to do something... impactful. Something that would truly make a difference, that would resonate with her. But she figured that now that she had no one to rely on, she had to focus on taking care of herself before taking care of the galaxy, despite the fact that it was her true passion - helping others in need, making change for the better.

Ahsoka knew that she would never be able to live on, at peace with herself, with the ghost of her young romance with Barriss eternally haunting her. Though Ahsoka would never admit it to herself, what she truly wanted was to know what Barriss was thinking... why she had done it... whether she had ever cared about Ahsoka at all, or if she was always just using her, if this was always her plan...

Ahsoka took a deep breath, a single tear dripping from the corner of her eye. She had made her decision. It was too late now. With her back turned to Anakin Skywalker, her brother-in-arms and eternally faithful mentor, she took the final steps away from the Jedi Temple - the final steps into the future.

***

Ahsoka had thought she would never hear from Anakin again - never be in contact with her old Master for the rest of her time in the galaxy. She didn't know how she would be - she figured that the Jedi Council would forbid it, for it would be a sign of uncalled for attachment between an estranged master and apprentice. But barely a day after her devastating departure from the Jedi Temple, as Ahsoka sat in her bare, dank room in the Coruscant underworlds, she heard an incessant beeping coming from her small dresser. Ahsoka practically shot up in the air from her small, rough bed in surprise - she had been lost deep in thought.