The Prisoner

Apologies

The guys all decided to go to bed shortly after Becca and 'Parker' left, but Manny found himself getting back up shortly after they all said goodnight. He quietly snuck out of his and Ian's room and went to sit on the couch. His thoughts were all over the place. Ian had hit a chord though and Manny really felt he needed to dissect his feelings.

Yes, he did know that Roland was gay. At the beginning, he denied it, but over time he just accepted it as a word that his friend used and accepted as a label for himself. But now, seeing him in the arms of a guy and obviously enjoying it, he couldn't think of it as just a word but a reality. He really needed to just accept Roland for what he was and stop pretending he was something he wasn't. Even knowing how Curt felt about Roland and playing at matchmaker, wasn't fully serious. He didn't fully understand Curt either. Manny cursed at himself, 'I need to grow the fuck up. These are my best friends. If I don't get a hold of this, I'm going to lose them forever... I almost lost Roland before.' He resolved to be better and to finally apologize to Roland once and for all the next day.

He didn't end up waiting that long though. As he sat quietly on the couch, Roland snuck out of the room he was sharing with Curt. Manny stayed quiet and still as his friend gathered his wallet and a few other things before heading toward the door. As he reached the door to leave, Manny decided that enough was enough and coughed. Roland froze and turned to him.

"Going to see Gary?", Manny asked simply, trying to keep any negativity out of his tone.

Roland looked in his direction in the dim light, but Manny could tell that he was upset that he, of all people, was the one to catch him disappearing into the night. "Yeah. I am. What of it? Not like you've ever cared before."

He turned away quickly and walked out the door. Manny waited about 5 seconds before deciding that he might as well get this over with. He got up quickly and ran to the door to catch Roland.

"Ro.... Roland!", Manny shouted down the hall.

Roland turned on the spot and shushed him. "People are trying to sleep, you inconsiderate bastard."

"Unless you want me to start waking people up, you need to stop and give me a second of your valuable time.", Manny shot back, getting annoyed himself.

Roland looked around the quiet hallway and just nodded. Manny reached into the room and got something to prop the door open. He wasn't about to get locked out. After the door was secure, he walked down the hall to Roland, getting close so he could hear him without waking the dead.

"I just want to talk to you for a minute." Roland remained silent, waiting for him to continue. "Look, I screwed up. I know that.", Manny started. "I was 15, man. I didn't know what to say at the time, so I just said what I heard others say. Was it the stupidest thing I've ever done? Yes. I hurt you and left you alone to sort it out. I'm an arsehole!"

Roland stared at him without expression, but Manny knew he was right. "I've grown up though, Roland."

Roland laughed, dripping with sarcasm, "You could've fooled me."

Manny sighed and looked down. "I have.... I'm still learning, but I am growing." Manny looked back up at his friend. "I don't expect you to forgive me... or to ever trust me again. But I need you to know how sorry I am. I love you, Ro. I should have been there for you through this. I want to be there for you know. I can't make up for what I did... but... I want to try...if... you'll let me." Manny finished and tried to convey how serious he was with his eyes. Roland was watching him so intently, it felt like an inspection. Finally, Roland took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling.

"Manny... I appreciate that you're trying to do. I don't know where this came from, but..." Roland stopped and met his eyes. "I appreciate it. I'm not sure how to start forgiving you, though. You abandoned me. You laughed at me... I wanted to just curl up and die, I felt so alone.... It's going to take... some time.... But... I'll try." Roland looked at his watch, "Can we continue this conversation later? I'm already late. Gary's waiting."

"OK." Manny said. At least, Roland was considering what he said. He was glad to have finally done it. "If Curt wakes up, I'll cover for you. I'll just tell him you went on a walk." He smiled at Roland and Roland actually smiled back.

"That would be... helpful. I'll see you in the morning, Manny." He gave Manny a quick hug and turned to leave. Manny watched him go for a second before going back in the room. He decided to sit up for a little while longer and think through how he could show Roland he was serious. However, with the weight of his guilt finally lifted, it only took a little while before he fell asleep on the couch.

***

The next morning, as Roland let himself back into the room quietly, he was greeted with 3 pairs of eyes and silence. Curt had woken up first at about 6a, waking up Manny and Ian with him. True to his word, Manny immediately spat out the cover story from the previous night. Both Curt and Ian raised their eyebrows at this. Why would Roland have gone out for a walk? Was he OK? Manny tried to calm the situation by just saying that Roland had muttered something about the schedule. They all had felt overwhelmed lately, so it worked pretty well.

Roland looked at the three of them, slightly shocked that they were all up. "Um... you'll be glad to know that you have now given me a complex ... hi?"

"How was your walk?", Manny asked. "Feeling less stressed?" Ian and Curt looked at him expectantly.

"Yeah. We're good now." Roland smiled at Manny, hopping he would take the double meaning. He had talked with Gary about Manny's sudden change of heart the previous night. This act of support finalized how he felt about the whole thing. Manny was doing his best and Roland recognized that.

Ian looked between the two of them before standing and changing the subject. "Early breakfast?", he offered.

***

They were scheduled to get back on the bus for the next city later that day, so Becca and 'Parker' came to say goodbye to them before heading to the airport. Ian couldn't seem to stop hugging and holding onto Becca. Curt smiled to himself, marveling at how this girl had turned Ian into a sap.

Becca gave each of them a final hug before leaving. 'Parker' followed suit. Both Ian and Manny gave him a big hug, Manny whispering to him that he would beat the hell out of him if he hurt his best friend. Curt didn't notice, but Roland did. He stepped forward and gave 'Parker' a hug too, telling him how nice it was to see him. Curt was annoyed at how long 'Parker' sustained the hug.  Could he not just keep his hands to himself?!  Since Roland and Gary already said their goodbyes early that morning in the privacy of Gary's hotel room, it wasn't as awkward as it could have been.  Of course, Curt didn't know any of this.

After everyone else had hugged Gary, Curt begrudgingly did so as well so he wouldn't seem like too much of a jerk. The hug was stiff and in no way friendly though, and Roland gave him a look that said, 'Geeze, what's your problem?' Curt tried to smile at the guy to ease the tension. He just couldn't help feeling like this guy was a problem he needed to solve.